people just dont understand...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by babyk902, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. babyk902

    babyk902 New Member

    my mother and i both have cfs and unfortunately my father and my boyfriend do not get it.. we are both able to function about 50%, myself better than my mother.. i met my boyfriend after I had already come down with cfs.. and at that point I was doing well enough to go back to school, work, and even go out and party sometimes... four years later my health has really fluctuated and i've had my bad times and my good times but he's never seen me at my worst or when i was REALLY truely sick.. he sees me as a person who is just REALLY tired and complains ALL the time (which i probably do)

    the past few days its been SO hard to get up in the morning im just in such a deep sleep and absolutely exhausted when im trying to wake up, and he just thinks im lazy and just "tired" like every one else. which is NOT the case. it just really frustrates me that he doesn't know how i USED to be and he never saw me how me when i first got sick, i just don't know how to explain to someone that it's not "all in my head" anymore and im SICK of being sick.. im 22 i don't need to pretend im sick when i want to actually live my life.... :(

    i'm not saying i want to break up with him or anything, bc i love him to death and i know that its hard for him to know how i feel and to understand what i've been through, but just how do i get him to understand? How do you get anyone you're with to understand? my dad also knows what i've been thru (i felt like i was pretty much dying the first year after getting cfs) and he was really concerned about that, but now that i've been going to the doc on a regular basis and i can actually get out of bed and some-what function normally, and i'm sure i don't look that sick, he thinks im fine.. but in reality i struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY to try and get thru or to try and not fall asleep at work.. anybody have a similar situation?

    [This Message was Edited on 10/24/2008]
  2. jole

    jole Member

    Many people go through this, and unfortunately, many marriages and relationships break up due to these DD's. I hate to sound cold, but if you can't get through to him, please don't consider marrying him. There is a very good chance it won't last, and you will have even more stress to go through.

    Have you ever had him get on and read anything on this site? Sometimes reading what others go through works better than them hearing it from you.

    Also, the doctor suggestion is very important. That is what made my hubby really understand. I had a very good, understanding doc at the time who really explained it all to him. He told him that this was one of the worst things a person could go through, and that he sympathized with me for having to struggle daily with the pain and fatigue. Unfortunately, there are many docs who do not believe in it as strongly as he did, and I was very lucky to have a doc like him.

    I wish you well and hope you find an answer. Some people finally get it, and others never do. I hope for your sake he does. If not, please do not stay in this relationship. Stress is a big no-no for all of us.
  3. nitedreamer

    nitedreamer New Member

    Your story has hit my heart. For years I thought people with fibro were just making it up, they were looking for an easy way out. Or they just didnt want to work.
    Well in spring of 2007, I was diagnosed with fibro. What a slap in the face. It sure made me see and feel how others felt. It was a hard reality, but It sure made me look at all of this in a different way.
    He may never understand, but next time he gets a cold/flu, tell him this is how you feel everyday of your life. It never goes away.