People keep thinking im Gay

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Terry007, Sep 27, 2006.

  1. Terry007

    Terry007 New Member

    Hi all,

    Now i know this will seem silly to some people, but i just need someone to talk to about it. Ive suffered rumours about my sexuality for years now and its taken its toll and had quite a negative impact on my life (im in my early 30,s). Im 100% hetro, and have nothing against people who are gay, but ive just had so much crap through this, thats left me paranoid and depressed. I had taunts and cloaked gay comments for so long that ive got somekind a paranoid depression over the subject. Ive reacted badly on a few occasions, when ive thought people were saying im gay (when they werent) and this has fueled the rumours even more (i live in very small, clicky town!). I dont act camp at all, or dress in tight clothes etc, but i still seem to get labelled as gay!...It does my head in!!! I know i shouldnt care what people say or think, but thats easier said than done, ive even had comments off my own bl**dy family! It just gets to be that people are constantly trying to label others in some way or another, and people can be quite nasty with thier comments at times.

    Thanks for listening...
  2. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I've noticed that this is your first post. Do you have fibro or cfs??
    As for the gay comments, I don't have any advice. If your not, then I'd pay no attention to it. I'm not sure what else you can do?
  3. Callum

    Callum New Member

    ...whether we belong there or not. The fact that it bothers you so much has less, I believe, to do with "homophobia", and more to do with miscogeny (spelling?)

    Have you ever noticed that most men don't have the visceral reaction towards lesbians that they do gay men? It is all about what is masculine and what is feminine. And there is a cultural belief that is as old as western civilization that feminine=weak.

    I'm gay, and not in the least bit effeminate. I don't know why people think you are gay - I'm a bit baffled by the "don't act camp or dress in tight clothes" comment. Only one thing makes someone gay, and that is that they have are attracted to members of the same, rather than the opposite, sex.

    Perhaps people think you are gay because of qualities that are positive? Although still based on stereotypes, perhaps you are artistic, or especially empathic for a male, or you are sensitive to those around you.

    Perhaps you are fastidious in the way you dress. Or, perhaps, they just haven't seen you take the interest in the opposite sex in a "showy" (read "vulgar" and "oppressive") way.

    If you know you are attracted to the opposite sex, and your future life partner knows you are attracted to the opposite sex, that's all that should matter.

    If you can get to a place where you don't equate gay with effiminate, and effiminate with weakness in you, the comments won't hurt as much.

    We can't control other people's thoughts. They will think what they think. But we can control the effect it has over us.

  4. shelbo

    shelbo New Member

    who is trustworthy and ask them what it is about you exactly that compels them to make these comments or other people to make these comments?

    I think sometimes someone will say something like that off-hand without thinking about it...they will see it does your head in and carry on with the comments for that reason..others hear it and latch on to it and before you know it, snowball effect...

    The best thing I can think of to do (and this is what I'd probably do if I were you) is to confide in someone as I suggested above and see why they think this or why others think this? Then I would do my best to ignore comments.

    I am in the UK and when I saw our new Prime Minister years back I thought he was gay...it was just something in the way he spoke...then I saw his wife and kids. Not that I was jugding...I just made an assumption and as you can see, it can be based on something silly like the voice. I can remember at the time asking my mum if she had thought he was gay and she said no so I guess it's individual perception.

    This leads me on to my next point...if you don't have a girlfriend or haven't had one for a long time that could cause speculation about your sexuality. I'm not saying run out and get a girlfriend by any means but I am saying that for some narrow-minded people that's good enough reason to come to the wrong conclusion about your sexuality. Aren't they just pathetic people who should be getting on with their own lives?

    I hope this helps...God bless, Shelbo
    [This Message was Edited on 09/28/2006]
  5. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I know you are probably up set with this but consider the source.

    There was a time in this country when the word Gay meant someone was a very Happy person. Replace that back into the meaning of the word for yourself. Stop thinking about it as a negative and those people loose their power over you.

    Be yourself everyone get's labeled with names sometime in their life ,its not important and good people just don't pay any attention to labels. Its a very immature thing and I think most people look or think worse things about the people that use the labels ,then the people who are being called the names.

    Enjoy your life don't sweat the little things if that's the worse you are called in your life its not that bad .Most of us have been called things that are really bad. Laugh it off .Sounds like the Devil is trying to keep you upset with this and keeping you from the more important things in life. Like having friendships with the people who matter in life and just over looking those small minded creeps.
    Welcome to the board

  6. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I know a guy who is married with 3 adult kids and he is in real estate. I knew his daughter as my son was dating her and when I met him I thought wow, if I didn't know he was married with 3 kids, I would think he was gay.

    The reasons was, he dressed casual all the time, his voice was softer than what I call normal and his manurisms were more softer than manly.

    I sit here with my face red because I don't like to judge people and I have nothing against gays.(It's you live your life and I'll live mine kinda thing).

    I realize that this guy I am talking about is in a business where he has to be professional and kind. Now, I think of him as a Gentle Man. He is very caring and quiet and will do anything for anybody.

    You don't say what kind of work you do, or how you dress but it really shouldn't matter. Maybe tho' people are adding all this up to their standard of gay.

    And your right, you shouldn't care what people think but that is hard to do. I don't have alot of advice just thought maybe if I told you why I thought this guy was gay, it might help you look at how you dress or what job you do to see if they are drawing conclusions from this.

    Buy the way, this guy is not handsome in any way nor is he rugged looking. He is sorta homely looking.

    Well, I hope things get better for you.

    bozey
  7. supergirl99

    supergirl99 New Member

    I think sometimes people just want to hurt people or maybe they think they are having a joke and don't realise that it hurts you, do you have a partner? Whether you do or don't, let them gossip, after all if it isn't about whether you're gay or not, it will be about something else, sometimes people just don't grow up! Hang in there.