people who say spouse is leaving them due to our DD

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Aeronsmom, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    well...I am the opposite, I feel like I need to leave my husband of 12 years, all though he understands my illness and does everything to help me and comfort me, I feel like leaving him..there are so many issues and I feel like I can't handle them anymore. he does not work ( since march 2008 ) but has been looking for a job he is getting e.i.

    but I am the one that is taking care of ALL the bills and half of the Mortage payments, and I buy everything for the kids, he spends foolishly, second issue...he swears ALOT every second word out his mouth is a swear word..our youngest is 7.5 and he ask his dad to stop...still doesn't stop..when we argue he yells alot and LOUD and we stay mad at each other for days and the tension is horrible and I get stress then I get very sick.....

    3rd issue, I can't get him to do any kind of cleaning up, I do it all...and I shouldn't because I pay for it afterwards, our kitchen has been renovated and still have little things that need to be done to complete the kitchen ( I mean very little ) we renovated in Dec!! our small bathroom needs to be painted and the exhaust fan in kitchen needs to be installed..we are suppose to be putting the house up for sale in October!! he just does not want to do anything of this stuff..if I could do it I would..I am so frustrated and I feel like I am about ready to snap.

    sorry this is long but I truly needed to vent..

    love to all, Ann
    [This Message was Edited on 08/28/2008]
  2. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    Thank you for your kind response, I am so glad to have someone on my side and listen to my vent and pain I am going through...I think the only reason I am still in this marriage is because I have always lived with someone since I was 15.5 years old, I was with my first husband from the age 15.5 until I was 29..I was physically and emotionally beating by my first I went from him to my current husband

    the thought of leaving scares the heck out of me .....but I truly don't know how much longer I can last here, I have alot of thinking to do and praying, my older children said I need to leave him FAST.

    again grammy thank you for your kind words.

    Love to all, Ann
  3. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    You say he understands and comforts you, and does everything to help you.

    Then you say he swears and yells too much, won't help do odd jobs etc.

    Seems to me this guy has some things going for him. You need to look deep into your heart and decide if you still love him and if you still want to make your marriage vows work with this man or not. If not, by all means, go ahead and get out , no sense making both of your lives miserable.

    Mybe have a real hert to heart talk with him, tell him excatly how you feel?

  4. tandy

    tandy New Member

    I think if my man ever did anything around the house to help me out I'd s**t a brick!
    He does NOTHING. granted he does work a job.
    but believe me,... when he's off,... he's 100% off.

    Keeping up the home is totally MY job.
    (most weeks,.. even the trash)!!!
    It makes me stressed out too and then my pain levels skyrocket.
    so I relate to you and know how ya feel.
    wish I did'nt.
    Don't ya sometimes feel used??? lol
    (laughing,... but serious)
    or maybe 'taken for granted?'

  5. Sunspot

    Sunspot New Member

    Hi Ann,

    It sounds like a tough situation. I just wonder, since you started off by saying he was helpful and comforted you, whether he has slowly slipped into depression and that's why he's doing dumb things and not keeping up with things in the house and not finding work.

    Many depressed people seem angry, and I think swearing is an expression of anger.

    I can imagine that if he feels solely responsible for supporting the family and doing the work of renovations, etc., that he might feel quite overwhelmed and hopeless. You could talk to him or your doctor about it.

    There's an excellent self-test for anxiety and depression in a very good book called The Feeling Good Handbook, by Dr. David Burns. It also teaches a depressed person to challenge the negative thoughts which we often accept unquestioningly and which can significantly affect our attitude and even our energy.

    Either way, can you tell him in a loving way that you're finding the current situation intolerable, and that if things don't change (if he doesn't soon get the help he needs, or turn his attitude around if he's not depressed) that you are seriously considering leaving.

    (Another really good book I'd recommend to anyone having marital problems is The Five Love Languages)

    Good luck with everything...