Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by bandwoman, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. bandwoman

    bandwoman New Member

    Hi Judy,

    I saw your post but wanted to have more time and energy to respond to you. This has been a really hard week. Yesterday alone felt like a week. I left the house at 7am and got home after 7pm. I was extremely nauseated right before I left for school. I am sure you know the panic of what to do in those situations.

    I have a contest and concert coming soon and I just can't afford to be sick. I wasn't sure if it was just a reaction the hundreds of pills I take or what. I actually counted how many I take and I am not saying. It just sound to unreal to be true. Anyway I went to school and just toughed it out.

    My day ended by waiting in line to get my car washed at night. I thought I was being smart and getting there before the rush during the day. Wrong . There were 5 or 6 cars already in line. I waited and waited and was trying not to fall asleep. I am sure all the cars that were eventually behind me would not be please if that happened.

    I realized it took 5-6 min per car so you know I had a long wait. If I hadn't been beyond the point of no return in exhaustion it wouldn't have been so bad.

    It is now almost my turn and this lady with a large van drives in and gets her tires stuck or something. She just sits there in the bay, nothing happened. I could have screamed at that point.

    I was stuck. I couldn't even get out of my car as the place you pay was against my door and at this point about 6 cars behind be blocking me in. I couldn't believe how patient everyone was. Finally someone started honking.

    This guy drives around and tries to help the lady and once we think it is okay he leaves and the lady drives forward the doors close in the bay she is in and she is stuck. The auto washers are just sitting there doing nothing. The lady just sits there.

    I could have just popped a cork at this point. I finally rolled down my window and yelled at the guy behind me that she is stuck. The cars slowly back up and then I can finally get out of this mess.

    I drive around and I was all ready to call 911, our emergency number. The lady finally gets out of the van and probably pushed the emergency door opener.

    Man, what a end of my utterly draining week. My insurance has been weighting me down. I finally said, God I give this totally to you and it is released into your care. I can't handle this anymore. It is your fight now.,

    I didn't feel much different and I told the Lord I dont' feel like I am releasing this to you but I am in faith.

    Today I did get a reimbursemnt check for my alt dr visit on Jan. 20 so that is promising. Of course it came out of my own medical bank account because of my deductible but still they were fast in processing this so that was encouraging.

    I should have an answer about the IV's next week I am planning.

    My heart just hurts for you and your family during this awful waiting. I had been praying that the other brother could see Cammie but today I just prayed that the Lord would take him quickly and spare this prolonged agony.

    Is this other brother that hasn't seen him going to fly in or not? I am glad you caught the signs of this candida quickly. What a pain that must be and how you have to take the meds. That is always such a pain when you have to take something either on an empty stomach or so many hours after eating.

    I had been having terrible leg pain. Something fairly new. I have a nerve problem down my leg. That is something new since the fall. This was something different and it was causing me to lose alot of sleep. For me that is the kiss of death. I cannot function on loss of sleep. Even if I have several hours of sleep it is unfreshed sleep. You know the routine well.

    I saw my chiro last night and I told him my leg was killing me. He twisted it all around and nothing was hurting. He said your knee cap is loose. I could feel it clicking when he moved it. He did some adjustment and said it was better.

    I had no pain last night. I was thrilled. I hope this lasts. Life has bee a real struggle for me lately. I could certainly use your prayers. You and your family certainly have mine.

    I am going to lay down now. I had a dentist apt and have been running all day. Not what I envisioned for a relaxing Sat. LOl

    Talk later.

  2. pepper

    pepper New Member

    As many prayers as I can for you in the next little while. It seems like you have a dark cloud hanging over you at the moment. Why does it seem to be one darn thing after another?

    The good news is the quick coverage of that appointment. Maybe our prayers are being answered and someone with empathy is reading your file. I will keep praying for that.

    And the chiro helped your leg pain. That is wonderful. Did the help with the pain continue? I will add that to my prayer list. You certainly don't need to have a worse sleep.

    I have a recurrent nightmare of thinking that I am healthy enough to go back to work then discovering when I get there that whoops! I don't have the energy to stand up at the front of the room. And I need to lie down immediately! I am so exhausted that I find it hard to walk to the principal's office to tell her that I made a mistake and I need to go back on disability. She tells me that once you go off disability, you can't go back on again so I have to go back to my classroom and teach! Sometimes I think that you are living my nightmare. I can certainly empathize with your struggle.

    I can only imagine your frustration in the car wash line-up!! I would be ready to scream. The problem is that I would probably be that poor woman stuck at the front of the line. Been there! So embarrassing!

    Our prayers for a quick ending to Cam's struggle were answered this morning. He died peacefully in his sleep with his loving wife holding his hand. It was the best that could happen at this point.

    My DH spent the day with him on Sat. and came home very distraught. Cam was only allowed one pump of morphine every hour and was in awful pain. My hubby said that his head was lolling to one side, similar to Jesus' head when he was on the cross. He hadn't shaved in awhile and had grown a beard so he looked even more like Christ. My DH said that he once saw a painting in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC called Agony. It is a painting of Jesus suffering before his death. He said that you saw a different view of agony from every angle. He couldn't get that painting out of his mind all day watching Cam sleep.

    Luckily the next day the doctor upped the morphine to a pump every half hour and he was pain free until the end. Thank God.

    Their oldest brother did not come to see Cam. We don't know what is going on there. My DH suspects that there are problems going on in his family that he is not ready to share, perhaps because of Cam's situation. Who knows. Nothing would keep me from my sister's bedside if she were dying.

    My DH told Cam that this brother wasn't coming, just in case he was waiting for him. He told him that he was having problems with his shoulder from a major skiing accident he had last year and couldn't fly. It was a lie but he didn't want him hanging on hoping to see him.

    Meanwhile I have been detoxing from the latest treatment I have been trying for stealth infections and CFS. The itch has been driving me insane so I stopped it on Friday. The itch is finally easing up today. I won't restart it until after the funeral.

    I know how hard it is to let go and let God. I have been trying to do this for all the years that I have been sick and even more so since my hubby has been unsuccessfully job hunting. It is a very difficult thing to do. The words are easy, the releasing is another thing entirely. The thing that helps me the most is singing "I Surrender All". I replay that hymn over and over again and sing along (when I am alone in the house or car for obvious reasons :) For some reason that helps me feel some release from trying to control the situation.

    Prayers for you, Nancy.
    Love, Judy
  3. bandwoman

    bandwoman New Member

    I was so shocked when you said Cam died. I just wasn't expecting that at all. We had a snow day today but I was already well into my early morning routine and I was praying again that God would take him quickly and peacefully. I guess our prayers were finally answered.

    Will the relatives be coming in again to your place? That is too bad about the older brother. Maybe Cammie was waiting on him and after knowing that he wasn't coming could just let go.

    I will be lifting up the whole family. I know this has been like slow torture to all of you. I will pray that your hubby can move forward now when this shock is over and can get out of this depression so he can successfully find a job.

    My prayers are with all of you and I am so sorry that you have had to deal with so much, over and over again.

    Yes, your nightmare does sort of seem like my life lately. I hated having a snow day today. My kids had a concert tonight of all times. It was a district Honor Band that I was not directing but still had quite a few students in it.

    I took a long nap this morning. I am having terrible back pain. I shoveled snow yesterday which I usually leave to my neighbor and I don't know if I did something but I am having lots of trouble now. I couldn't sleep last night and was growing more anxious as the night wore on. My leg still seems to be doing pretty good. I am wondering if my chiro jerked something out in my low back when he was twisting my leg all around last week.

    I am very tired now and I can't remember what I wrote. I don't think you know this. No you don't I just realized. I am having my first IV next Monday. I am thrilled. I really wanted to have one this week but it just didn't work out.

    Still nothing from the insurance yet. It should be this week according to their time frame. Of course they may tell me the letter blew out the window in this storm or something and was lost in a snow drift. With this company you never know.

    My prayers are with you now and will continue.

  4. pepper

    pepper New Member

    how we don't expect the expected? My hubby called me from a freelance job he was doing early this morning to tell me. I picked up the phone and he said, "He died during the night". My first reaction was to say, "Who?" Luckily I caught myself before I said it. We have been waiting for this and expecting this for over two months and when it happened, I wasn't expecting it.

    Cammie passing peacefully is the best we could have hoped for. We are all grateful for that. My hubby is hoping that he gave him permission to go by telling him that the oldest brother wasn't coming.

    Cam lived in the country 45 min. away from here and that is where the wake and funeral will be. Unfortunately their house is too small to accommodate all the visiting relatives so they are all coming back here after the funeral. Sigh!

    As far as I know, only one brother (the one who stayed with us over Christmas) will be staying with us. I have to brace myself for his constant talking.

    Are you aware of the new regulations for flying over the border since Jan.23? We have to have passports. That regulation is not in effect for car travel yet. Unfortunately this brother's renewed passport hasn't arrived yet so he is flying into Watertown. My hubby is leaving in an hour to pick him up tomorrow afternoon so they can drive over the border.

    Wouldn't you know that northern NY is going to be hit by another big snowstorm! He is hoping to beat it by driving down there tonight. But they will be in the middle of it driving back tomorrow afternoon. I am very nervous about them driving in such a storm.

    Did your snow day also cancel your concert tonight? We don't get snow days here any more. Back in '81, our school board called a snow day for the following day because a big winter storm was expected. Somehow the storm missed us completely and the students and teachers all ended up having the day off for nothing and parents were furious seeing teachers on the ski hills!

    So the school board changed their policy. No more snow days. If there is a terrible storm, buses are cancelled but teachers are expected to report to the nearest school if they can't make it to their own schools. And of course some parents make sure that their kids get to school, bus or no bus! And you know that those aren't the best behaved kids either. ;-)

    I would suspect that your back pain would be from shovelling as opposed to the chiro adjustment. Shovelling is so hard on the back. I haven't been able to shovel at all for years. Have you tried putting heat on it? Do you think the chiropractor could help you?

    I am so happy that you are finally getting an IV on Monday! I so hope that you hear some positive news from the insurance company this week.

    Thank you for your prayers, Nancy. You are a faithful prayer warrior and it is wonderful to know that you are there.
    Love, Judy