This won't be easy. Not even with strangers over the internet. I believe my stress has compromised my health and been the catalyst for this fibromyalgia I was just told I have. So, I'm getting rid of it all here. I'm married to an alcoholic. Have three kids. I'm still married for the $$ so some may think I have what I deserve. I was raised in poverty. I clawed my way out and even made it into college with an "opportunity" program for people as bad off as it can get. I married a guy who had everything my family background did not have. He had intact family, 6 siblings, went to private school, attended church every sunday with the family. He was also a pathological liar, an alcoholic and so deeply narcissitic that I never saw the flaws. He seems to have liked the idea that he was rescuing a waste of life like myself. I just thought he was a nice guy from a nice family with a future. I'm now 12 years into this nightmare marriage. He's so bad that it's difficult to describe. He actively hates me and the kids. I never fight with him. I think he may be manic depressive and that may be the underlying condition driving his alcoholism. He is passive aggressive to an unimaginable degree. I know I need to get a divorce. I'm working on that right now. I've requested my college transcripts. I plan to get a job. I wanted to wait until all of my kids were old enough so that I wouldn't need daycare. The stress is killing me. Will some of these fibro symptoms go away when the stress leaves? The pain in my back and shoulders is bad. I don't know how to get a divorce. I'm pretty much alone as far as family is concerned. It's just me and my kids. I have the "incident report" from when my husband attacked a female co-worker when he got drunk on a business trip. I have the psych evaluations of him and they're not flattering. Does anyone know how the courts work with father's who are nuts? I have been holding off for the past two years to do this thinking I could make it until my children are all at least 12 years of age. I can't. I am now sick from all this stress. I have a 9 year old who is my youngest. I'm afraid he and the other kids would be harmed being left alone with their father. I have no proof other than his history of impulse control issues, drinking, driving, rehab, the "harrassment" which if you read the report smacked more of "assault". I'm so afraid that when I ask for the divorce, my body will not hold up and the pain will keep me from doing what I need to do.