Personal question about SEX

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LauraLea, Jul 22, 2003.

  1. LauraLea

    LauraLea New Member

    I love my husband and love having sex with him, but it seems to get hard and hard to recover. My body is in pain for days afterwards.

    Any help or suggestions.

    Laura
  2. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    What I do is make sure that you take your pain meds beforehand, tha start with a body massage (that always gets us in the mood!), then take it REAL SLOW AND EASY. If you do any wierd positions, that may end up causing you pain. And make sure to speak up if something is causing you pain or soreness, because chances are that pain will be 100 times worse later on. Another thing that I do is ALOT of foreplay before intercourse. This way, intercourse will not last as long, thus making less pain. Anything over 10 minutes seems to cause me the worst pain. I hope this helps!

    Kathryn
  3. tandy

    tandy New Member

    just wanted you to know your not alone!!! I ache like hell for a few days after too!! thats why he only gets some once a week!!LOL poor guy~ could be worse!
    But then again......maybe I'm not fully to blame here?He works 4 nights a week so I sleep alone!! There,I feel better now~ Hopefully others may have a suggestion!!sorry I could'nt be of more help:(
  4. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    There's nothing you can do but take something for the pain, and spend alot of time relaxing in a hot, aromatherapy bubble bath with relaxing music.....this does wonders for pain levels. This too shall pass, in the meantime, keep him happy, and treat yourself to some wonderful relaxation afterwards!

    Marilyn :)
  5. rasyte

    rasyte New Member

    Pain is one problem in this area, but fatigue is even worse for me. I am in pain in the morning and fatigue and headache kills me after 3-4 pm. After 4 pm the only thing I am dreaming is how to get to bed and disconnect from everything. My mind wants it, but my body doesn't even consider :( It helps if I get better than avarage night sleep. But that does not happen often. If I am in pain and exhausted, I cannot even think about sex :( Since I am new to FM/CFS, I am still looking for ways how to manage everything. Thanks for suggestions above.
  6. LauraLea

    LauraLea New Member

    for being so candid. I wish it was once a week for us, but we never seem to be on the same timming.

    I am open for all suggestions. Thanks again. Now I'll have to go home and try them. LOL

    Laura
  7. Patti2

    Patti2 New Member

    Laura,
    My husband left me and I do think that part of it was over sex. It got so terrible that I basically took care of his needs, as that was NOT one of my needs. It was not worth the aftermath, this D--n DD. I guess the best suggestion I can give is relaz. If you figure out how please let me know, maybe this is the trick to the whole thing. Maybe we found something that can help us.
    Gentle Hugs0000
    Patti
  8. Mrs. B

    Mrs. B New Member

    when I'm already hurting & my poor hubby has been being patient we compromise somewhat. I can sit on the couch comfortably and then lean over the back of a cushioned chair with my elbows resting on the back. If I make a joke before hand about it only being a quickie then he knows I'm not in the mood just "get it overwith." It's not very romantic but, keeps him satsified and keeps me from feeling as if I'm always telling him no. Sometimes, since sex is a stress reliever, the first time over the back of the chair ends up beind foreplay because I feel better afterward.

    Lisa
  9. massmike

    massmike New Member

    so when you guys say pain what kind of pain are you talking about. All over body pain or also pain in that "area". I know that I have pain in my "area" also after sex and I have to avoid it alot.

    Its good to at least talk about it

    mike
  10. bashful37

    bashful37 New Member

    I have stayed out of a relationship since I got FM. Never felt it was fair that I couldn't give 100% to a relationship. The thought of having sex sends chills through me as I am so terrified of the aftermath. I figure if mild yoga hurts I can only imagine what sex would do to me. I hope that someday I meet a nice man who will understand my illness and go w/ my flow but at the same time push me to do just a bit more when I can. I also think that all the medication sends my sex drive to a non-existent state of mind. I couldn't care less most of the time. Can be a real bummer =(

    Anne
  11. Holly_RN

    Holly_RN New Member

    Hi Laura,
    I find that because of the pain thing I have had trouble sometimes getting in the mood, but when I am, I seem to totally love/enjoy it. Only afterwards to I regret it...and I usually do. Now, the only thing with taking pain meds before hand is that, it may stop you from totally enjoying yourself. I have found that if I take something strong, I can't well.....you know. So sometimes, It's a trade off. It still feels good, and it certainly helps you to feel close to your partner. That part is important. But you can there too. You just have to find ways between the two of you to work things out.
    Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it doesn't always equal pain. There are so many variations you can do, and many great suggestions so far.
    Just my 2 cents anyway.
    With friendship,
    ~Holly_RN
  12. JQP

    JQP New Member

    Of hurting me, and so it all ends up either not happening or too much too quick, and of course I end up hurting.

    Unfortunately, my partner has the unfortunate coping strategy of 'if I don't talk about it, then I don't have to deal with it, because no one knows what I am thinking!'. Bless him, it is such a struggle, because I have my needs as well. Yes he is tired from being the only wage earner and a 12 hour day with 2 hours driving, but if I try and snuggle up, he pushes me away, because he doesn't know how to cope with me.

    He is currently blaming himself for my latest relapse, which I keep telling hime it wasn't him, it was from my work!

    Help!!!!!!

    Jacqui
  13. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    but maybe you could buy the book "The Joy of Sex" and experiment with what's easiest on you? Unless you all are either experimenters anyway, or don't want to. (I've never been in a relationship long enough to feel comfortable talking about sex, so maybe ya'll don't need any help from the book.)
  14. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    Get in the mood first, takeing a long hot bath, soaking in it, by candlelight. Going to bed together, giveing each other massages. Taking it easy, speaking up if something is uncomfortable, giving and taking from one another, like its supposed to be.

  15. reva727

    reva727 New Member

    You are lucky in one way, that you still want and enjoy sex. I have lost all interest in it and only do it to make my husband happy. Of course it really doesn't make him happy because he wants me to enljoy it too, but I just don't. Pain is part of the problem, it's mostly my hips that hurt during and after.
    I'm impressed on how open everyone is on this subject. It's a good thing, we need to hear how other people are handling these problems.
  16. Mrs. B

    Mrs. B New Member

    MassMike,

    I'm sorry that I don't know what you're going through well enough to be of help. or her on top? Sorry to be so graphic but, I am only trying to help a situation I don't understand.

    Lisa
  17. Mrs. B

    Mrs. B New Member

    I think sunshyne is right on. we should gear up for it, have open communication and enjoy it. As for the other comment I read about it being too much pain to enjoy, smile sweetly for ten to fifteen minutes and let your husband believe that you did if you can't communicate with him ways to make it better. He will finish faster and feel better. Therefore, your pain won't last as long and you will have the joy of having taken care of his desires.

    Lisa
  18. 9974

    9974 New Member

    Im 39 my wife is 28, It sure is causing us problems. I really don't know if were going to make through this. With all the meds. I take I've lost all drive and desire. I mean you can't do it if nothing works. this with all the other problems no job,bills the endless pain.I think she would be better off without me.At least she could have a life.

    GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!
  19. matildathehunney

    matildathehunney New Member

    When my "new" husband and I got together, I had already been sick for 10 years and he had not gotten involved with anyone for several years, due to a painful marriage and divorce. He had spent so long "taking care of himself" that he had a hard time having actual intercourse.
    Now, though, he has over come that, we have been married for three years, and he can do it just fine, but I often can't, I just do not have the strenght and I often crash afterwards and spend a few days being really sick, so often, he does "finish it for himself", after we have spent time awhile just holding each other close and cuddling and talking and laughing together. I actually like watching him do this, it makes me feel good that he trusts me enough to share this with me.
    We have also devised a way to have intercourse that really does'nt tire me out too much, if I am feeling good to begin with. He lays on his side, in kind of a semi-fetal position, facing me. I lay on my back with both my legs over his, my legs are resting on his legs. We are at 90 degrees to each other. We can hold each other tightly, by the arms, hands and or legs, and this has turned out to be a successful, tender loving way for us to make love.
    We will try MrsB's "back of the chair", that could also work for us.

    I am thankful for this thread.

    Please accept my soft hugs....
  20. franners

    franners New Member

    Kathryn, you are lucky you are getting ten... I call my honey the "minute man" (not to his face of course). If foreplay is done, so is he... But I love him....
    And 9947, just tell her what is going on.. do not keep her out of the loop... tell her you love her and hold her... there are other ways to satisfy her.... Just cause you can't doesn't mean she can't be assisted..