Personality Survey

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dancingstar, Sep 22, 2005.

  1. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    I have another theory that I'd like to examine with regard to fibro. They say that it's possible that many of us have over-active immune systems.

    In my own case this makes sense if you look at my background: I was on my own, relatively speaking, from the time I was 15. In many ways I had to, if not literally take care of my mother after my father died, at least try to protect her... until she too passed away. Was "taken advantage of" by a junior high school teacher and had a really tough time throughout those years but could never turn to an adult of any sort for help as a teenager; grew up as quickly as I could and started a successful business with just $600 on a credit card, made a few bad relationship decisions over the years that wiped me out; had a miscarriage, got really tired, collapsed...didn't feel so great, kind of gave up a bit. (long story, short)

    Point is that I never really was able to trust anyone to take care of me...but me. Would my immune system be on hyper patrol? Probably. Would my adrenals give out from working so hard? Maybe.

    Does anyone else fit this profile in some way, though obviously not in the same ways, but maybe in some similar kinds of ways? Just curious.

  2. KJ2003

    KJ2003 New Member


    Your post sounds so much like me! I've been on my own since I was 16. My mother was killed in a car wreck (first accident she ever was her birthday and she was only 42). I found out 2 weeks after she died that I was pregnant with my first child.

    A couple years later, I adopted my teenage sister and took care of her and my, then, toddler by working two jobs. I was 26 yrs. old.

    I, too, made bad relationship choices and one in particular just about did me in.

    I understand what you mean when you say you couldn't trust anyone to take care of you. It was hard for me to trust on any level.

    I'm 40 now and I've learned so much since then and things are better on just about every level of my life except my health, which I'm learning how to handle as I go.

    My early years really took their toll on me, though, and when I look back on everything, I see a very scared and fragile young girl trying to be tough in a big world.

    Your post and your point about the immune system and adrenal glands makes a lot of sense. I know what you mean by being 'overworked'. If, in our minds, we know we are on 'hyper patrole' then our bodies must be, too.

    This is going to be an interesting thread.

    Great idea!

    Chin up,

  3. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    Thanks, Kim. I wonder how many there are that are like us.

    I'm postulating here: If our bodies are on hyper patrol, we need to find ways of letting them rest and behave properly, but until we know for sure, beyond all doubt, that we are safe...and we can trust the world around us, my fear for myself is that I will not completely heal.

    I wanted to go deal with this issue for myself yesterday at a therapy place that I went to many years ago when my mom
    died. Wouldn't you know they managed to turn themselves into uber-psych clinic.

    I was there filling out forms for an hour and then met with an intake person who graciously informed me that a psychiatrist was "watching" from behind a one-way mirror and lovely curtain. I looked over at the mirror.

    Well, I wasn't having any of that, ya know. I invited the psychiatrist to join us, but no watching me without me watching you watching me.

    The intake person closed the curtains and said she turned off the sound. When someone not in the room cleared their throat in the middle of the interview, my interviewer and I looked at each other...and she told me, "Oh, that was nothing. The speakers are off." Okey-dokey. I'm not paranoid, just a little too self-protective, and I don't hear voices either :). More.

    After an hour of questions, I was exhausted, in pain, and God forbid, thirsty. The intake person looked at me asked me why I was thirsty.

    "What drugs are you on?"

    G-r-e-a-t. I walked a half a mile to get in there. No water to be found except for a small trickle from the fountain, and that was almost two hours ago at this point. We're in trouble here.

    "None, didn't take any medications." (whatever - this was pure fear at this point.)

    Anyway, we are now over an hour into the interview, two hours into the process, and she now tells me they can't treat me without having all of my doctor's records. I adore my internist, truly I do. It's this new place I didn't trust, and no way on God's green earth am I giving them even one teeny tiny piece of information about me, not even a little bit, whether it can help me be perfectly healthy for the rest of my life or not...I am so out of there as fast as my little legs can run.

    And that's when it all hit me. I don't trust anyone unless I look them in the eye and listen to what they have to say, make sure that I have researched the information, verified it to be true. If I don't like it, I dismiss it.

    Don't get me wrong, I want very much to trust, I just havent found that many people to be trustworthy, no matter what their station in life is. And get this? When I've done those sorts of things or games or communication things where people tell you how you come across to others, what's the thing most people say about me? That I am trustworthy. It's just something that I value very highly. I am willing to bet that most of on this board are extremely trustworthy, or we mean to be, not that we are always right, because we have been through a lot and don't know who to turn to. It's a trait we have all come to value, and I'll bet most of us have learned that we have to rely on ourselves to learn what is in our own best interest. (grumble...grumble...grumbl...onward and upward :)
  4. KJ2003

    KJ2003 New Member

    I think you are very right to follow you 'intuition' about people and I believe this is exactly what you were doing at the psychiatrist's office.

    That would weird ANYBODY out. I wouldn't like someone watching me. Spooky.

    I have a few people in my life that I love with my whole heart and trust completely and that's it. I think that's the way it is with most people and I don't think it is wise to trust anyone right off the bat. Trust, like respect, is something that is earned...not a given.

    So don't beat yourself up over the trust issue. You can equate trust with respect and if you do not feel like you are getting the respect you deserve then you have the right to discard their services, job offer, etc.

    Keep trusting those instincts!

    I have more to say on this but it will have to wait. I'll post more thoughts tonight, after work.

    Chin up,

  5. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

  6. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    .. I don't know how to say what I want to say .. I had a mother who staged suicide attempts to get back at my father, for what in her mind, he was not treating her well enough .. it started before I was even born with my older brother and continued after I left home .. my father was a high functioning alcoholic .. a civil engineer who worked for the federal government .. his escape from my mental mother was work .. so we "kids" had to deal with her in her alcoholic rages .. it would take too long to explain all that went on .. but I was compelled to try and be as normal as possible to cover it all up .. you can't have trust in anyone when a primary care taker, as your own parent, behaves in such a manner Then my "military" marriage is another stressful issue ..our son had gotten himself into some serious trouble when we came back to Canada in 2000, and the one person I thought I trusted, and was married to for over 25 years .. broke my trust badly .. and yet I couldn't blame him because it was a factor of the PTSD he suffered from .. I was set on "flight or flight" for years literally .. it burned me out .. emotional stress is a primary factor in our illness .. how can it ever be repaired I have no idea .. all the drugs in the world will never make me completely trust anyone again .. I have to accept the way I feel and work with it the best way I can.
    I know other people have suffered far more than I have though .. and my heart goes out to them.
  7. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    I am like you in several ways.

    I was abused at the age of 13-15 years from my own father, and did not tell anyone. Not because of the trust issue but because I am a protector. I felt that if I kept the abuse happening that then it would ot happen to my little sister (which I succeed in doing).

    As I was starting to get older and the abuse had stopped (sexual) I felt dirty inside but still told no one because I did not want to hurt my family.

    I then trusted one person little did I know that even though 3 years had passed and no abuse they still had to report it. I was taken to a foster home with nothing that was mine and left there to feel bad and alone.

    My older brother and my little sister from that day on blamed me for the whole thing. I should not have said anything, and I broke down the whole family. We ended up going to family court and I told my attorney and others that I just wanted to go home that I was okay and I needed nothing else, even though on the inside I was feeling like I did not want to go on.

    The only thing that pulled me through was my relijous beliefs. I forgave my father and started putting the pieces back together after my children were born.

    My problem though is the opposite of yours I trust people to much, and I keep on getting hurt for it.
    I do wear my self too thin and try to do too much for everyone. Current situation for example :
    My husband is in jail right now for one week- which is a story initself. He is on work release so I have to tak ehim each day to work and then take him back to work at the end of the day.
    If that was not enough I have two teenage daughters that I take to school every day and pick up (which normally for most people would not be too much of a chore, but we live 30 minutes away from the school.Which by the way is almost 50 minutes with good traffic from my work in the opposite dirction from their school) I do this because they have went to the school for 6 years now and they have friends I do not want them to have to do that all over again. It is hard enough being a regular teenager then have to be the new kid.
    Then I also took on picking up my nephew from school every day too. Which if he is playing a game that night (sports) he is late which makes my life too hetic, because I run ragged trying to get everyone else on time.
    I work full time at a job so I have that to do too.
    Then I get home from work and have to tell my teenage daughters to get on chores etc. so I will not have to break my back and cry for the next several hours hoping that the Ibuprofin kicks in.
    Then I have to also handle helping my mom everyday with being in home all the time (disabled due to Guillian Barre' syndrom - autoimmune disease) and she has emotional problems that she needs someone to help her through.

    Sorry so long, but that sums up everyday except for the weekend which I have more to do with my daughters having a babysitting job, car washes for the hurricane victims (this has been for a coupke of weeks now- which is wonderful they they do but it is at there school- which like I said is 30 minutes away.)

    I have nto quites learned the word no yet, and I have not gotten to the point to stop offering my help to everyone (even though in the end I always get hurt either emotionally or physically)

    I guess I wanted to air some of that out and your thread just got me talking and talking. I can't believe I wrote that much.

    Anyways blessings,

    good thread,

  8. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    No matter how you slice it, you are all strong women that have had to take on a tremendous amount from the time you were small...and the abuse thing is a little strange, huh? I never, ever gave it a thought, really. Put it aside long ago.

    It's still way too small a survey to know if there is any kind of link whatsoever. Thank you all so very much for sharing your lives! I hope we hear from others, too, even if they don't fit the profile cause that is just as important to know if I'm way wrong.

    Blessings to all!


    CATHYRG New Member

    hi, i too have a background similiar to yours. i have post tramatic stress symdrome. i see a terapist every other week and massage theraphy every other week. some days the fatigue is overwelming. the aches and pains are always there to some degree. i take no meds for this other then placquinel and tylenol prn. i wonder if the majority of my autoimmune sister and brothers suffer from post trumatic stress symdrome??? cathyrg

    p.s. i never get the flu or uri's and am healthy if i didn't have the above hx. [This Message was Edited on 09/22/2005]
  10. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member kidding, Ms. dncngfngers???? Did I spell that right? Probably not :) A-m-a-z-i-n-g!! And here I thought it was just some little idea I had. I'm always a day late and a dollar short.

    If there is a cause, there is a cure, if you know what I mean. And it may well be easier than we are making it. It could truly be why acupuncture works. Oh, and it does work, truly, at least for me. (Note to self: stop typing and makt that appointment.) Talk therapy can work. Meditiaton can work. Breathing, as in breath work can be extremely healing if done properly. Yoga can work...if we get a handle on the root cause and this early trauma causes some sort of post traumatic stress syndrome and truly does have something to do with our bodies' ability to react badly to more severe stress later in life.

    Which leads me back to my original theory, that medicine can't touch the pain...just deep in my guts. It can hide it for a few hours or maybe days or weeks, but it won't fix it. We need to get to the root cause of the pain, which is why I asked the question.

    Fibro is so very complicated, though, and when it's mixed with other illnesses, it gets even more confusing.

    You guys are so amazing. I haven't written here often, but I've read a lot and learned so much from you.

  11. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    i'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad and that therapy isn't making you feel much better.

    have you considered acupuncture? i went to a wonderful Chinese couple recommended by my internist. he and his family go to them as well when they need to. i've only been there three times. all three times i felt worse for two days afterwards. the third day i was surprisingly healthy and felt like i was 15 again. several of the areas where she put the needles hurt the entire time the needles were in, but not during the insertion or removal. that's how i knew they were in the right places. i don't understand it, but somehow even my tmj went away...never to return since i've had the acupuncture. just a thought. i know it's not right for everyone.

  12. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    My doctor has told me that he thinks that my fibromyalgia would get at least a little better if I would start seeing a therapist and try to resolve the issues that happened to me as a teenager with the abuse. He said that he has several Fibro patients and he has learned that alot of them are abuse victims. I did not even bring the abuse up to him he just plain flat asked, so I think this is a common issue with many.

    I have not actually went to therapy yet only because I never have time. If you read my post on the thread of Stormyskye you would see why, but the second reason is because I have felt that I have resolved that issue and put it to rest and forgave my father for what happened.

    Now that I think about it though, am I just making up excuses of why I can't go or am I afraid of what I am going to find out about myself about the hurt I have kept deep inside and do not want to see again.

    What do you think?
  13. neldwn2me

    neldwn2me New Member

    I was Raised In An Abusive Family. My Mom And My Stepfather were alcoholics. I am the Baby of my family. But my brother who is 5 yrs older than I, was raised by my Grandparents. I was Mentaly and phisically as well as sexuall abused. I decided that if he had sex with me that he wouldnt beat my mom. And it worked. My mom died when I was 16 and a mom. My stepdada came to the funeral. I was hurt to know that he didnt wont me. My mom befor she died wonted me put in reform scholl. My grandparents after she died wonted my son but not me. My molester didnt wont me. No one wonted me. I have had one bad relatishion ship after another. I hurt from my Fibro but i also hurt so bad inside. I have beedn alone all my life. I have tried to make a better life for myself and my children. I was so stressed out for years having to constently watch my back, cant trust pep. Cant let any one get to know you for fear that they will turn your life around and throw it back at you. I dont even like sex. I'm sorry. just wonted to say that we with fibro are survivers of all things.
  14. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    Tell ya what I think, but I'm not sure that I like what I think: I never thought that I thought this until yesterday. I never knew why I was angry with mom, who is not alive. She loved me more than her own life and "sacrificed her life for me" according to everyone.

    Yes, she was very strict, and I couldn't tell her anything about my life from the time I was 11 for fear of hurting her. But so what? No big deal there, not really.

    Then suddenly all these years later I figured it out: She didn't protect me from harm. She said she loved me, but because she was so afraid of harm coming to me, and I was so afraid that she would get sick if she knew about anything bad that happened or yell or scream or lock me up and never let me out or be completely irrational, she could not protect me from harm.

    And her instincts were wrong. When she did let me out, she led me right in the arms of a junior high school teacher after my dad died that she was so grateful had taken an interest in me. She was actually angry with me when I didn't want to go back to his apartment.

    I knew I was on my own with no one to turn to. She had one kidney and was too fragile to take much, not to mention her temper was pretty outrageous; so I didn't want to chance her rage; so I left and stayed with friends and would come home and tell her as little as I possibly could. Just kept my grades up.

    And I made every mistake you can make as a teenager without getting into trouble...cause I was just too smart to get into too much trouble. If I had gotten into trouble, maybe someone would have helped me. But everyone wrote my bad behaviour off to the death of my dad, which was certainly the truth. There was no where to turn, no one to talk to, no one to ask for help. Anger. I was angry.

    No question that arthritis is anger. Depression is anger. I do forgive everything. My mom did the best she could. She didn't have a clue, and her life was so hard. She didn't know what to do. There's a lot for me to look at that I never really paid attention to, at least from different points of view than I've looked at them before.

    I hope that maybe my post will shed light on an area in someone else's life that they may not have yet looked at. Looking at it, shedding light on it, understanding it, and ultimately, true forgiveness may be our path to feeling somewhat better.

  15. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    Hi, I know how you feel.

    I think sometimes that no one wants me either, but then I open my eyes and find I was not looking for them either.

    Just a smile or your persence means something.

    Then also you mean alot to me and the other that are reading this because your postings mean alot to us. It helps us understand we are not alone, and neither are you.

    We want you, so those who did not or won't will be the ones to miss out.

  16. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member terribly painful! You ladies have been through so much!
  17. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    ...trying to not laugh because it's so sad, it's funny? Come on now....

    It's no wonder we're exhausted.

    CATHYRG New Member

    hi dancing star,i didn't mean to imply that none of the treatments i had decided on for my autoimmune disease were not working.i just wanted to share the choices i had made for a treatment plan. yes, i have used acupunture along with self hypnosis.guess what,everything i have listed will aleviate the symtoms sometimes and sometimes not. thats the hook with autoimmune disease nothing works consistantly,unless you know of some treatment you have not mentioned?
    thanks, cathy
  19. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    No, I don't have a clue. I will say that laughter and extreme happiness does seem helpful. Beyond any question, I don't notice the pain, whether or not it is still there, when I am extremely happy and laughing. Now, I can't say that will always work either cause I completely agree with what you said. And I'd like to see me try to tell that to someone that is wheel-chair bound. It won't fly.
  20. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    My mother is still alive and she know what happened to me, but she does not want me to tell anyone,even when it first happened she told me not to tell. She always has tried to protect my dad. Not from what he did, but who he is. He is very heavy in politics and is a very strong official and public figure where I live.

    I have never talked much about what happened due to this fact and not wanting to hurt them again. Like what happened when I did first report it. We went into counciling at that time, but I could not be open due to the fact my little sister was in the same class and I did not want her to hear details.

    I have talked to my mom recently about what my doctor said etc. But she says you forgave him it can't be because of that. She does not want to bring all this up again. I am very close to my family(funny huh) I am there every day(my parents house) I trust them with my children (my girls both know now what happened. I told them not so long ago) I think my mom is afraid they may lose me if I start to remember. I have blocked alot of it out ( I am sure it is way back there though).

    I actually am the total opposite as far as getting into trouble. I never got into trouble. I never wanted to have friends (afraid they would find out). I never brought friends home, and I never stayed at other peoples houses. Even here at work I am very quiet and I try to just get my work done and stay out of drama. They call me Miss Priss here because they say I am perfect in every way. They could never see me in any trouble at all.

    In school I wanted to be the one to have all the friends and be wild and fun, but I could not let people in. I only trusted my true feeling to very few. (I guess I was kind of guarded- not so trusting then as I am now) I thought they were all snobs and did not like me. When I graduated and let the town my brother remained living there. All those kids told him I was stuck up and had my nose in the air and thought I was some rich kid that did not associate with the likes of them. Little did they know the hurt I was feeling inside.

    I really enjoy talking to you. I can't believe I am talking so much today I never do this. Thank you. Maybe my doctor is onto something. Maybe I do need to talk some of this out to a therapist.


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