Personality/ Survey

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BabsFl, Jul 23, 2003.

  1. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member

    After replying to a post I got to thinking and decided to do a little research on personality's of people with FM/CFS

    I found that some Dr.'s say that people with the personality of being a "over achiever" or a "people pleaser" are often the ones that get this dd because of the toll it takes on the body.
    I was just wandering what you guy's think. I believe that we are born with a predisposition for this dd, but could this be one of the factors that bring it out. It would be an added stress to your body. Just want to see how many of us have this kind of personality and get your thoughts.

    Thanks for any input you can share.
  2. LeLeHpr

    LeLeHpr New Member

    Yep, an over achiever, and people pleaser...Nothing makes me more happy than making someone else smile :) And they say we bring this on ourselves? I think not. Since when does pleasing people cause this DD? My doc does a lot of research and seems to think it is hormonal, or a genetic mutation.

    Guess, only time will tell?
  3. Nikki

    Nikki Member

    . . . the over achiever and people pleaser personality. I think I fit both categories (especially people pleaser . . . but I think I've come a long way in recent years. I've narrowed it down to family and friends, whereas it used to be the whole world . . LOL).

    However, I know other people with the same type personality, and they don't have FMS or CFS. One of the things that's so frustrating about these diseases is we don't fit a certain profile. We get our dx mostly (but not entirely) through a process of elimination.


  4. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I used to be a over achiever, etc.. Most of my life.

    I worked on the whys of why I was this way. Found out alot about myself in the process, and its helped alot.

    I was abused and felt unloved when a child, and growing up. I people pleased, overachieved to get attention. Felt like doing more, achieving would change things, and stop the abuse. I overachieved in order to get out of the home, and away from the abuse also.

    Found out I have co-dependency traits. Once learning, and getting help on these things.. I am no longer a overachiever. Its helped so so much!

    I think some are born with this personality.. then others develop it, yet aren't this way.

  5. Reg1

    Reg1 New Member

    I have always been an overachiever and always wanting to please everyone. I have noticed that most people with this DD are and were overachivers. Maybe thats something research can try to analyze. The day we really find out about this DD and i do hope its in our lifetime, will probably be one of my top ten answered ?????????? Regina
  6. judywhit

    judywhit New Member

    Not a people pleaser, not a perfectionist either. Pretty easy going in nature but I am a worrier.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/24/2003]
  7. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member

    Thank you very much. It has been really interesting to see people like me with this personality. I don't think the dr's implied that this personality Caused fm, but maybe flared it. I am also the perfectionist/people pleaser etc. when I worked I went all out..working 70 hours a week and taking care of a hubby and 2 children and a home that had to be just right, everything matching and in the proper place. If it wasn't I would be a wreck....I am slowly learning that the world will not fall apart if I "slack" or I don't kater(sp?) to everyone else's needs.

    Thanks everyone for joining in on my little survey,
  8. Notonline

    Notonline New Member

    Perfectionist, "over achiever", whatever...yep.

    In school all my projects and papers had to be "just right", I've always been one of those that had to strive to be the "best" at everything they tried. Sometimes killing myself (and not having any fun) in the process I guess. Now with the house...I find that if it doesn't's either washed, cleaned, or decorated if I can muster up the energy. LOL No wonder I feel like a truck hit me some days.

    In the past I dealt with the public on a day to day basis for over 10 matter what my mood or health, no matter what was happening in my life...I pasted on a smile every day and did my best to please. Afterwards I used to come home from work and lock myself in my room and vegatate in silence...I just had enough trying to maintain those prior 6 to 8 hours.

    My father was the same way, another perfectionist, and a well-hidden bundle of nerves all his life, he kept everything to himself and tried to please. He also suffered health problems and passed away in '95.

    I'm slowly learning to please myself, and that everything doesn't need to be "just so", but it's a hard habit to break.

    I think as you do...that our personalities can play a big part in how we feel...

  9. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    I've never been an over achiever or perfectionist - just let life takes me where it leads. When I worked 80+ hrs/wk it was because I was a doormat not a perfectionist.

    I'm having to think about the people pleaser; hummmmmmmm not sure, I really care about people and am a good listener. But figure people have to accept me for what I am. Of course that may have come with age and I just don't remember from my youth (LOL)!

    At least this got me to thinkin'.
  10. KCD

    KCD New Member

    me too. I have finally realized that I should Not be pleasing others, only GOD! Only took me 35 years. I am a hard-head....KCD
  11. MiahRoo

    MiahRoo New Member

    Where I'm not a perfectionist really, I'm certainly a people pleaser. I feel the need to do everything for everybody. Always be the one everyone can count on for anything. I love to make people happy. I seem to just wilt when somebody is unhappy with me. Which of course is really hard with the fibro because I can't always be counted on anymore.
  12. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    There comes a limit to people pleasing and being a over achiever.

    When it interferes with your emotional and phyical well being, then its a problem. It can really cause health problems.

    Sure I like to make people happy, but not to the point of loseing myself to it all.

    When being a overachiever, you tend to forget about You. Setting limitations on what you will do for others is a start. Sitting down and being comfortable with myself..A new thing for me. Took a long hard time to get to this point, and I so love it.

  13. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    An over achiever i never was, but i like to think of my self as a person who tried to please everyone at all times.
  14. isee

    isee New Member

    For as long as I can remember. Heavy day-dreamer. Girls with
    ADD often day dream a lot - it can be one of the symptoms. And I think there may be a connection between ADD and ADHD and CFS. All may be result of neurotoxins re researchers.

    About personality type... Read a study somewhere that at first it seemed that people diagnosed with this DD were type
    A personality types, then as time went on, researchers found there were just as many Type C types with CFS. To me it seems that it's pretty much a coin toss. And, it would make sense that overachievers would be out in great numbers searching for reasons why they can no longer achieve. More visible in health care professional offices, seeking the solutions that overachievers are wont to do.

  15. Kim

    Kim New Member

    I've always been both and I think that played a big factor in my health.

  16. Myth

    Myth New Member

    I am definately not a people pleaser or and over achiever- I would say even less so now. I know the stress thing is important. Since FMS affects the nervous system and makes it hightened and sensitive even a little stress can throw our bodies out of whack for days. As far as personality goes though I am far from a workoholic perfectionist. I am rather easy going and relaxed. However I was the type of kid that worried about Everything, even things completely out of my control and this led to a very negative attitude and later a bit of depression. That I must say must have added stress to my body. Ironically it was after I emiminated this way of thinking that I rapidly fell more ill- although I suppose that is all good since it made this decline in health easier to deal with at the time. And my father also is a 'worrier' and this has added imense stress to his life (he never lets things go- he worries about things that are done and gone!) and this has made his FMS worse and doctors suspect it led to the onset of it. So maybe we should add 'chronic worrier' to that list of personality traits that cause more stress and trigger FMS onset.
  17. AnnieMay

    AnnieMay New Member

    I've just been diagnosed w/ CFIDS, so am just starting to learn things, myself. My doctor, who seems to know what he's talking about, says a typical onset of CFIDS is stress-stress-stress-stress-physical insult (illness, injury, surgery), followed by development of fatigue etc. Implication is that continual, overwhelming stress is at least a contributing factor in developing the illness. And who experiences more stress than over achievers (Type A personalities), and people pleasers (because of course you can't please all the people all the time!). I certainly fall into both categories - up until this onset, I was working 60-70 hour weeks, trying to please my boss! Could I have avoided CFIDS if I wasn't this personality? Who knows - but I doubt it. I DO think it's vitally important to accept that we have this disease, for whatever reason and with all it's implications, and remember two things: (1) if we push ourselves too hard, we will crash - just that simple. Let's focus that over-achievement drive on health and wellness, and resolve to beat this thing, whatever it takes! (2) the person that it's most important to please is YOU! If you buy in to the brought-it-on-yourself theory, isn't that the same thing as it's-all-in-your-head? And we know that's garbage - emotional toxin!

    Good luck!
  18. achy

    achy New Member

    I have been an overachiever and pleaser all my life. I am the adult child of two alchohaulic (sp) parents...My mother was physically and verbally abusive to all 4 of us.
    I always kept my bedroom spotless growing up nowing now it was trying to get some kind of controll over my life. I was always tryng to keep EVERYBODY happy. Quite a job for a child!
    This ran over into my adult life too...the house and yard had to be perfect! I suppose that has been one blessing of this DD....Since I can't physically do it anymore, it haschanged the way I look at it. My mother no longer controlls my life and as hubby says, Better Homes & Gardens is not going to show up to take pictures!

    Wether or not this contributed to my illness I am not sure. Since reading these posts I am beginning to believe it did. I also had two severe car accidents. I had mono...then an acute asthma attack. That was the last straw, Is been down hill ever since.

    I'm curious as to how many of us have changed since this DD...R U still and overachiever?

    Warm fuzzies
  19. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member


    I am just learning to back off. I crash and burn at least once a week really bad because of overdoing and wanting things just so. Mentally I want to do all this stuff but my phy.self says no no no Finally, now that the NO message is pretty loud I am listening to my body.

    One thing I have noticed is that I might not be able to alot but the little things I can do I find myself trying to make "the best" Well for me it is an endless cycle. I will break this stupid train of thinking it is just a slow process.
  20. jadibeler

    jadibeler New Member

    I'm definately not an overachiever! But my mother was (she had FM too) My daughter is not an overachiever, also has FM. However, we are (were) definately people pleasers, the "caregiver" type. I did read where most people with FM are that type.

    I, too, was devatated if someone was mad at me, or didn't like me. It took nothing to hurt my feelings, also Mom & daughter like that. I went out of my way to please people and then when I got older I jumped right into the caregiver mode. Add "doormat" to that. What I put up with from my first 2 husbands was unreal. And I didn't know the meaning of the word "No". Whatever anyone asked me to do, I did it whether I wanted to or not.

    Finally, in later life, I have learned to say "no" in a way I hope won't offend - I say "It depends on how I feel" or "I'm sorry, but I'm not up to it today". However, I still allow my present husband to run me ragged waiting on him, but I did finally start saying things like - in response to "the dog threw up" - "you know where the paper towels are". And I don't give a s**t who doesn't like me!!

    Interesting to read that ADD might be part of this. I know I had/have it. I lived my life daydreaming, usually about all the stuff I couldn't do. I've had FM all my life, which may be what kept me from being an overachiever - I never got the chance to be one.