Right now, I am so angry with myself for all the bad decisions I have made this year. And I made another one tonight. And it had its consequences. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and kicked him out of the apartment. He has told me that I am the least classy person he knows because I did this. He is an alcoholic and a verbally abusive alcoholic. I lived with it for 10 months before I wised up. He recently lost his job and his abuse has been bad ever since, this is the reason for me sending him away. He blames me for everything that has gone wrong in his life, I just met him last year, and tells me that I am no good. I felt sorry for him because of his alcoholism and have tried to keep in touch with him while he was living in a crappy hotel. I am over him, I just didn't want to be the reason he really goes on a binge. I had momentarily forgotten that alcoholics don't need a reason for their binging... Well, tonight he knocked on my back door at 2:30 am. He was so drunk he couldn't stand up. I let him in to sober up (my last mistake in this relationship) and he started in on me about how horrible a person I am and wouldn't leave. He refused to go more than once. I warned him that I would call the cops... he dared me to call them. One thing he never learned about me is that you don't dare me to do something Well, I let it go on for a little while, hoping that he would calm down enough to just understand what I was asking him to do... leave. He refused yet again. I called the cops. Of course, according to him, it was my fault for doing so. Well, while waiting for the cops (he didn't believe that I called them) he said that Fibromyalgia is a fake disease and that I am lazy (I go to school full time for a Ph.D. and usually work two or three jobs to make ends meet). He would also steal the medicine I was taking at any one moment (didn't find this out till later in the relationship) just to get some sort of buzz... His bad luck, the med he took the most was for my UTIs. He had stolen my Darvocet during last winter when my pain was bad... it goes on and on. I told him that he was not to come back until he was sober and he had to come back with his father to get his stuff... I didn't want him back here again... HIS cats refused to even come out to him... My Lilly was the only one, and he nearly killed her by sitting on her. I really don't want pity, just a few hugs and any recommendations on how to go on from here. I already had trust issues before him, now I am not sure that I can trust anyone again. What really worried me was that he told me tonight that he wanted to die. He said that he had lived a good life drinking and abusing drugs, now he just wants to die. I think this is why I was trying to give him some sort of benefit of the doubt. I don't really want to see him die. I did something different in this relationship... I let things move fast for a change... I was tired of being a conservative person. I just did it with the wrong person. Well, this was long, thanks for letting me vent... I just worry alot about too much. Thanks for "listening".