Please help I think my brother might be doing drugs

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by phoebe1, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. phoebe1

    phoebe1 New Member

    This is so hard for me, I'm worried sick and I feel so helpless. My brother lost his last job because of drinking, now he has a great new job that he started a few weeks ago but I'm worried he's going to mess this one up too.

    He is staying with my parents at the moment, this morning my dad phoned me very upset and told me they had problems with my brother and that he doesn't know what to do.
    A bit after that I phoned my mother to hear how she is doing and she broke down in tears and told me that when he got home last night he was totally out of it, he didn't recognize my parents and asked them who they are, he wasn't wearing shoes, and had different clothes on than the ones he went to work with.
    He was falling over the furniture and had a strange look on his face. He then lay down on the floor and tried to stick his head underneath the couch.
    Then he started getting aggressive and was rude to my parents, calling them names and telling them what bad parents they are.

    Even though he has a very well-paying job he has taken thousands from my parents in the last few weeks, telling them all sorts of stories why he needs it.
    It always seems the morning after that he can't remember what he did, like this morning he asked my mother why she looks so tired?

    A while back he came home so drunk that he fell on my mother and gave her a blue eye. The morning after he couldn't remember it.
    We had a difficult childhood, my father was very absent and we had a huge financial setback when I was in high school, we lost everything (which btw I think triggered my fibro), since then my brother has never been the same. He has issues, I don't think he knows who he is, has a very low self esteem and doesn't want to talk about it.
    He is 26, very irresponsible and can't be left alone. This is killing my parents, I'm scared that my mother is going to have a heart attack, she doesn't sleep at all and is tired to a dangerous point.

    My brother is such a gifted person and has a really good heart, I wish I knew how to help him, he is throwing away his life.

    From what I have said, does anybody here think that he is doing drugs? Because I don't think this behaviour is only from drinking.
    Please help!

  2. LorieG

    LorieG New Member

    how did your brother stop drinking? It sounds like he just traded one vise for another!

    How about a family intervention? We had to do that with a couple family members in the past. It actually saved their lives!

    first and foremost, everyone needs to STOP giving him money! If he needs something, buy that something FOR him. He says he needs money for a truck payment....MAKE THE TRUCK cash should be given to him at all!!!!!!! If he is phyically abusive, then your parents REALLY REALLY have to have an intervention with him and tell him that he has to leave the house and not come back until he is ready for help! If he doesnt believe what they are saying, then maybe the intervention should include a video tape of him when he is acting this way! They are not doing him any favors by letting him stay there. My sister did it for years, and finally her daughter has moved out, but my sister has custody of her baby! It is just not okay and they are not helping him in any way! It will only get worse, at least it always did with my neice.

    I wish I had something else to offer. What about calling the police when he comes home like that? Would that force him to get some much needed help?

    I know that all the other things that I can think of can only happen if he is the one asking for help. right now, it sounds like your parents need it more!

    Good luck. Maybe someone else has some better ideas!

  3. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I understand where you are coming from. I have alot of the same going on with my brother. He is 47.

    Been married twice. Lived with a woman for 10 years. Over a year ago they where hight on crack got into it and he hit her. She threw him out. He moved in with my father.

    He is still living there. He has a job makes $18 an hour two days after payday he is broke. He pays no bills. He has hocked any thing of value of my Dad's. Has stolen checks and money.

    He is on probation and is not fulfilling the requirements he has to do.

    Everything is always someone elses fault. If he goes on a binge, someone else caused it.

    He is also a compulsive lier. My Dad is not in the best of help and it is wearing him down. He will not just kick him out as he feels responsible for the way my brother is.

    I have asked and if my father will not tell him to leave there is nothing I can do. Just be there to pick up the pieces.

    If your parents want the help maybe you can do an intervention or he can be made to leave or at least to get help. It is scary when you don't know if he would get mean enougth to hurt your parents.

    I am sorry that I could not be more help.

  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    to help addicts. In the 12 step programs they say, "We do not come for another person. We come to help ourselves."

    Not much that can be done until they want help.
  5. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    You can try a family intervention, however, I would not recommend it until you all consult an addiction specialist first. Part of the process of an intervention involves telling the addict that they will no longer be welcome in your lives unless they seek help. And then the family has to follow through and stick to this plan.

    I would also recomment Al-Anon for you and for your family. You have to learn to live your lives and accept the unfortunate reality that until your brother is ready to get help, he is not going to go into recovery, or if he does go in to rehab to get the heat off, it won't last long unless he changes the person he brings in the door.

    As a person in recovery, I know all too well the pain I put my family through. The pain I put myself through was even worse.

    I was trapped in hell - I didn't want to live and I was too scared to kill myself - I was a control freak in every other aspect of my life but I couldn't stop drinking, no matter what I tried, and my life was splintering apart - suicide on the installment plan.

    After my final bender, I had a vision of losing my husband and future children, just as my family had been splintered apart by alcohol when I was growing up.

    That finally provided me with the impetus to go get the help I needed. And I did everything everyone told me to do - I went to an addictions counselor, I went to rehab, I went to post-rehab group therapy for a year and I joined AA and got a sponsor. I am coming up on 10 years of continuous sobriety.

    Unfortunately, that is not everyone's story. Addiction is insidious. Only a small fraction of people who get sober stay sober the first time. Something like 65% will relapse, many multiple times before being able to maintain sobriety. Every one else of my rehab friends has relapsed.

    But it's the people that keep trying, no matter what, that I admire greatly. Some of the people I have the greatest respect for took 2 or 3 relapses before they were able to stay sober.

    And yes, bipolar and substance abuse go hand-in-hand - I'm a bipolar also.

    Drinking is often a "gateway" drug - once you are under the influence, you are open to taking anything else that comes your way. It was for me. I'm fortunate that certain things didn't come my way, because I would have taken them, no problem. So your brother may very well be dually addicted.

    Good luck. I hope you have some type of successful intervention. I will tell you that a lot of my friends who were "made" to attend 12-step meetings either by the court or by a rehab program when they were trying to stay out of hot water but weren't staying sober - that once they attended a teensy little bit sunk in and ruined their "enjoyment" of the rest of their drinking and drugging - they just weren't quite ready "yet".

    And in my world, "yet" means "You're Eligible Too" for the bad things that can happen as a result of your addictions and for the good things if you can hang on to sobriety.

  6. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    So sorry your family is going through this. I have been through it before with my husband's Mom. They do need to want help, but your parents are in a dangerous situation. Maybe they could do an intervention with a qualified drug counselor. He also may need evaluated for mental illness.

    We did the intervention and my husband's Mom agreed to go for 28 days to detox and get counseling. However, though she completed the program, she was not ready for help. So, when she got out she started over again. She took so many pills, she had a stroke and is now permanently disabled. Now, she has to live in assisted living at the age of 61 and they administer her meds. She ended up there because of her addiction.

    Al-anon is a good place to start. Your parents and yourself cannot be "enablers". You have to get yourself help to understand all of this. Your brother is going to hurt himself or someone else. You should get advice from professionals! I will say a prayer for you and your family. Please update us. Take care, Kim :)
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    great advice....those were my thoughts as well. he needs to go to a psychiatrist and take it from there. aa meetings. we can lead him to water but it is up to him to make it work.

    he does need support from family and friends would be nice too.

    kudos to you and your sobriety.

    i have a male friend who just started his first night at aa meeting tonight.

    i am sort of at a loss as to whether i should call him or not later today and see how he is doing just to talk.

    he got a dui, and the court has appointed rehab of some sort.

    i know he admitted very openly that he is an alcoholic.

    talented and a wonderful person. i had texted messaged his brother the other day to have him call me when he got back into town. they were away for the holiday. so anyways. i know my friend has had some issues to take care of plus work.

    well're parents are going to need to be strong. there is something called elder abuse. they may need to get a restraining order on him until he sobers up and proves himself.

  8. Bruin63

    Bruin63 Member

    I know what you are going through.
    My youngest Bro, has been that way all his life, he was my Mom's Favorite, and because of that she made Excuse's after excuse.

    When she passed away, he came here to live with me and my DH.
    He promised to not drink or if he did, not to come home in that state.

    Things went well for a while, then he started up, again,
    sneaking small bottles of Vodka or Snops (sp).
    The stand there and lie in my Face, that he was sober.

    He does have to take meds, due to some of his conditions, and this adds to the problem.

    Then he really started acting weird, and when I confronted him, he said No Way, was he doing drugs,

    Sorry kid, (hes 53) but I have been around the block a time or 2, and I do know when someone is on the Hard stuff.
    ICE, is the worst thing that an addicit can do.

    It makes you crazy, really, crazy, He started to threaten my DH, just daring him to hit him, but DH, walked away, and after he left for work, I told my Bro to get out, and stay out.

    He ended up in the Hospital, bleeding Internally, and finally ended up in a Assited Living Home, very nice place, he has his own room, and is having to behave,

    He still drinks, and smokes a little, but he spends the night where he is, so they won't see him like that, when he goes home.
    He is doing better,

    But the Hard cold facts are, he has been a Drunk since he was 9 years old, his Older Sib's, not me, gave him Beer, Cig's, then one started him on some of Her diet pills, and now he cannot stop.

    Some people are more suceptable to Booze, and Drugs, and untill They want to change, there is Nothing, you can do.

    Tough Love, is just that, but for your safety and your parents, I do urge you to keep him out of your lives, untill he does get some kind of help.

    There are working Drunks, (I was married at one time to one) who can drink all night and still show up for work, but just how good is that work?

    It's one of the Saddest things in life, to watch a Loved one, be comsumed by Drugs,

    One of my Sisters is literaly, dying inside, because she eats, meth. She uses it for Pain, and I do know she has CFS, so it gets her going,
    She has the Meth Mouth, her Intestines, are a Mess, and with her other Health conditions, I know, she will probably leave her addiction, and this Earth, long before I do, and I am the Oldest,

    Makes it hard, when you are the "Head of the Family". and that family is really Disfunctional, in fact we put the "D" in it, (lol).

    I will hope and Pray for your Brother, I know how much this Hurts, so please do vent when you need too.
    It helps to be able to talk about these things.

  9. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Wow This hits home.My brother is also 48 and had these problems sence he was 13.My heart and my prayers go out to you and your family.

    Your brother needs a hospital program ASAP he is in BIG trouble . He needs checked if its not drugs it could be something else but its not normal.In most states I think Two adult family members can sign someone into a rehab DO IT .For his safty and your parents safty and mental health confront him with this problem.

    Just remember HE is the only one that can change his Life but those that love him can help him go in the right direction.Tough Love
  10. phoebe1

    phoebe1 New Member

    Thank you for all the good advice, my dad took pictures of him the last time he was like this and showed it to him the day after. Apparantly he was shocked and ashamed and said he couldn't remember being like that.
    He swore that he isn't doing drugs and offered to go for a blood test. I just find it hard to believe that a person can be like that from drinking only, he says that he knows he can't tolerate alcohol at all and if he has more than 3 beers he can't remember what he does.

    He told my father that he feels really bad about it and about the fact that at age 26 he is messing up his life.
    My brother doesn't know that I know about his drinking, losing his previous job etc. My parents haven't told him that they told me, we live in different cities.

    My brother is a very soft person, he is still paying the rent where he lived with his previous job because the girl he lived with said she can't afford it on her own, he even gave her his credit card! I think she is pushing him to get married, she is not a good influence on him and very trashy.
    I feel that the most I can do for him now is pray, thank you all for caring it means alot to me!

  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    your brother needs to take his anme off the lease and let the landlord know he is currently not a tenant there. so he doesn't get racked up w/bills of damage. hmm, wished i could find some free rent.

    credit card needs to be taken back. but only he can do this.
    tell him about idendity theft. he will be in for a rude awakening some day if he does not get smart on that old gf situation.

  12. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    You received some excellent advice. The only thing that I can add is to see how much it would cost to run a hair sample on him to rule out drug use. From the story that you have told us, I think he is taking some kind of a drug. I have no idea whether he is snorting it, shooting it, or swallowing it. A hair analysis would tell if he has been using illegal drugs.

    Maybe your doctor could tell you of a local place that does the test. I think the hair follicle has to still be on the hair. I'd call the drug testing place and ask them.

    Something goofy is going on, and it sounds like more than just alcohol.

    Convince your parents that they must stop giving him any money.
  13. phoebe1

    phoebe1 New Member

    My brother used some recreational drugs like ecstacy, weed and acid when he was younger (about 5 years back) and I think this had a very bad impact on his health.
    His hands are always shaking and he has very high blood pressure, about 170/120 at the age of 26! He is also quite a heavy cigarette smoker, which he started at school already.

    Thanks for that website Donnaeil, I will definitely check it out. Thank you everybody for your support and advice!

  14. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    I am so sorry about your situation with your brother and your parents....your poor mother not getting any sleep and all....I thnk your brother is doing very sad a gifted young man..

    Yes, I believe he does need to get help from a professonal person that deals with alcohol, drug abuse...and he needs to find out why he is doing these self destructive things...and you and your parents need support, too.
    I wish you andy our family peace.....and a speedy healthy healing for your brother.
  15. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    is your brother getting any help yet?

  16. phoebe1

    phoebe1 New Member

    He doesn't want any help, he hasn't had an "episode" since my dad showed him the pictures of what he looked like. He had one beer after work 2 days ago and told my parents about it and said he felt guilty that he had it.

    It's difficult because he doesn't really want to admit that he has a very big problem. I pray that he will come to his senses!