Please Help Me! I am so weak!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by HppeandMe, Aug 18, 2005.

  1. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Hi Guys-

    I feel like I have been to much of a pain thus far and have only been posting for a few weeks now. I just really need some help on making a decision that I can't seem to make myself. Many of you already know a good portion of my story. To make a long story short I have been sick for nearly two years. This year has been the worst. My symptoms are in the order of severity...Weakness (no energy), fatigue, insomnia, body pain (wide spead) but the majority of the time in my spinal cord, my left knee, and my neck, and then there are other many annoying things as you know that go along with this.

    Anyway, I have a choice to make. I can either take out a Home Equity Line of Credit on my house to get me through 3 months and this will give me time to hopefully get even the least bit better and go back to work or I can try and stick it out at my job. I love my job but even more I love my family. I also am the bread winner in my family and will lose everything if I leave my job permanetly. It is a risk taking off the 3 months. What happens if I don't get any better?

    By the way, I can always come back to my job because I am my own boss, I just don't want to leave and still feel ill and be at a loss of $15,000 in equity.

    After the equity is gone there will be nothing left because I never thought of saving. I was only 29 (one month from 30 when this illness hit me). I always thought I would be at least healthy enough to work. Now there are days and have been even weeks when I could not even get out of the bed.

    Please help me with your opinion and know that no opinion is wrong. I don't have anywhere to turn to other than you guys otherwise I wouldn't have bothered you guys.

    I am praying that a day comes where I can help others the way you all are helping me. I always knew my purpose in life was to help others but that purpose was stopped dead in its tracks nearly two years ago.

    Thanks again!

    Much Love,
    Hope
  2. sheried

    sheried New Member

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You have a really tough decision to make. Do you qualify for SSDI? I cannot tell you what to do, only you and your family can make that decision.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs,
    Sherie
  3. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Thanks Sherie. I am sure I qualify but the most I can get is $2000 a month. My problem is my mortgage is $2000 a month. I have many other bills as I am sure everyone does. I don't know how people make it off of disability. Yes, my husband has a job but he makes 1/6th of what I do and his check only pays his car payment and maybe groceries for the week.

    I really don't have any family to go to. My husband just say "it's not my decision""it's your decision". I really would love some opinions.
  4. Meekah

    Meekah New Member

    that you are not alone and that we are all here for you. I really don't have the answer either, and I'm sorry that I don't.

    Maybe you could sit your husband down and tell him that his answer is unacceptable. Let him know that you are feeling alone and scared when it comes to this decision and that you really need his input on this.

    Keep us posted on your decisions and know that we are here for you anytime.

    Prayers and gentle hugs
    Meekah
  5. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Hi Hope - I can't advise you financially. You have some tough decisions to make. You may end up having to sell your home, and your husband selling his car and getting a cheap one so he doesn't have to make car payments. People do all sorts of things to survive, whatever it takes. But your husband should be involved in whatever decision you come to. It's not fair for him to leave it all up to you.

    Re your health and energy: Your adrenals may be weak, this can cause severe fatigue and insomnia. Your thyroid also may need support. I don't know the chemistry but one affects the other.

    I was helped a lot by a chiropractor who does muscle testing -- he diagnosed my weak adrenals many years ago and I started taking an adrenal glandular supplement which helped a lot. Also, I take Armour thyroid. My thyroid always tested normal, but my body temperature was always low.

    I think you should find a good naturopathic doctor, or someone similar. Or a good M.D. who is knowledgable about FM (which can be very hard to find), and they may be able to help you with your energy. Also, do a search on this board for what people are doing to help themselves with their pain and their lack of energy. And a good resource is "From Fatigued to Fantastic" by Jacob Teitelbaum.

    One other thing re insomnia: about 2 years ago I had an adrenal saliva test done which showed too high cortisol levels, which cause insomnia. I started taking Seriphos (phosphorylated serine) to lower my cortisol and that helped a lot with the insomnia.

    I think you should seriously consider the possibility that you may have to quit work and go on disability. It may be necessary for you to recover. I don't know of any quick way back to health. I know it's not easy, financially. I'm in the middle of a divorce and living on disability and spousal support. I get by, and that's it. All frills are gone.

    Anyways, you do have a lot of company on this board. Take care --

    Mary
  6. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You have already gotten some sound advice concerning your health, so there is not much to add.

    As for your mortgage payment it was enough to give me the chills.

    We have lived off of one salary for a long time now, I gave up my own business, as it was getting too much for me with this illness.

    But it takes a lot of serious budgeting, and a lot of will power, its also learning how to say 'no' to children and husbands too :).

    I handle all the finances, and I do have a husband that will spend money like a drunken sailor if I let him, but I do rule the checkbook, even though he works.

    I need a car right now, had I let him go, he would have just went out and bought me one. But I have a few bills that I want paid out before I get this car.
    Plus his truck is paid for, so its my turn. But not till I know I can afford it without worrying about the new payment monthly.

    A mortgage that high I would never have gotten into, just the stress of that payment would have made me sick with worry, I could not have enjoyed the house!

    Is it possible for you to down size somewhat? That would be the only advice I would give you.

    I have had this illness now for over twenty years, and yes, I was 30 years old when it hit me too. I keep my business for 10 more years, pushing myself all the way, after awhile I simply could not handle it anymore.

    I have gotten better, but never really well that I could have trusted myself to work again, even for myself. I am simply not dependable. One good day, or even a year at a time, then I would fall back to all the same old symptoms.

    My only advice would be to try some of the recommendations for your health here, and I would consider selling and buying a home that would be less expensive. You have enough equity for a good start, but none of us can promise you a healing at all, in fact no one can.

    What I can do, is pray for you to make the right decision for yourself and your family. You need some guidance, and no one can make those decisions but yourself.


    Shalom, Shirl



  7. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    I am sorry you have to face this struggle at such a young age.
    Would it be prudent to buy a more economical home to get a lower mortgage? I do not know what the market is in your city but in mine it is booming. I just bought a 4 bedroom farm house circa 1870, for $ 145,000. Great schools and wonderful neighborhood. And the best news, my mortgage is $ 760. a month.
    If your house is that valuable you may find the money to take some time off and try to get better without having to go further into debt.
    A
  8. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    I too was faced with some tough choices around my job. There was a point where I had to take 4 months off. I was paid though so that helped but I was afraid of losing my job. I didnt. it was the best thing I did. It gave me the boost I needed to get well again. It was years before I needed to take time off again. I worked there for 27 years and am now on disability. That was another choice I had to make down the road and it was a long hard battle but I won and am now comfortable. Number one is your health. Thats what I learnt. If I dont take care of me , there wont be a job or a home or anything else. I drove myself into the ground too often and ended up with cancer a few years ago. Thats when I decided time to go on disability. it was a good choice as my health has really improved since not working. Be good to yourself that is whats important.
    hugs, poodlemum
  9. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    I wanted to let you know that I have actually seen Dr. Teitelbaum myself. I have been seeing him since September of last year. He has been unable to figure me out. He is a wonderful man but could not solve my puzzle.

    I am now going to the FFC where I am praying I get some help. Some of it seems to mimic what Dr. T has already tried though.

    I have not had a sleep study or a body scan and I think I am going to request that.

    I wish I was in an area where I could down size. Everything where I live is so expensive. $2000 is actually pretty reasonable here. Even a 1 bedroom apartment will run you at least $1300 am onth and I have two children. 3 bedrooms are at least $1700 and that is for one not in a very nice neighborhood.

    I would move out of state but we have a biracial family that is not welcomed in many places. I sure don't want my innocent children to deal with that.Does anybody know of a place with lower living expenses where there are many families like my own? It is beautiful where I live. A complete mixing pot.

    I still have not made a decision. My husband just says to do whatever I want. I am just so confused.

    What would you do if you were in my situation as I am sure many of you have been in.

    Much Love to you all! Thank you so much!
  10. tracii

    tracii New Member

    Hello Hope,

    I don't know where you live but it is very expensive where I live.

    If I were you, I would sell the house. I've been sick for years (but didn't know what was going on, nor thought about disability) & finally got to the point where my brain cannot even function well enough to sell things on eBay!

    We went with the wrong real estate agent (well, that's a long story!), listed our home in the springtime (the best time) & now we are probably going to lose our house. Yup. We have over 10 years of equity in it too. :(

    It's VERY scary, stressful, sad & disappointing knowing we will soon have to find an apartment that we can afford on my husband's new salary, that will take our 2 cats & small dog, that I don't have to walk up a bunch of stairs, etc.

    Looks too late for a loan, everything we have tried just seemed to backfire in our faces. We don't even have a child yet & my clock is TICKING! (Plus I haven't had a period in about a year & Celiac can lead to infertility).

    Obviously my advice could be worth nothing to you but, if you have no money to even go to the doctor because of bills you won't get better & the stress will only add to your health issues.

    So, I advise you to look at your future & what you can do to prevent the worst from happening now instead of later.

    I hope this helps some!

    ~T~