PLEASE HELP ME

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fungirl2100, Jan 29, 2007.

  1. fungirl2100

    fungirl2100 New Member

    Dear friends,

    As many know I am new. I was hesitant to tell my family about my Fibro. My mom & I got into a bit of a tiff the other night & I mentioned it. She got very upset with me stating that she couldn't understand why I have it & how I could look okay & be sick..etc...

    I am sure some of or maybe many of you have gone through this. In recent events my best friend had decided to dump me after being best friends for 15 years because I couldn't keep my luncheon plans. It's hard for me to commit to anything on the weekends after working a long 40 hour work week to be honest with you. So, now she won't return my emails or phone calls.

    How have you successfully explained it to others. My mom is usually very understanding, but some of my family isn't. There mentality is Lance Armstrong had cancer I& won Tour de France 7 times why can't you just go shopping with us for the afternoon? The rest of my family does not know about my condition.

    It is putting a great deal of stress on me & my husband.

    My mom has since called to makeup I believe talked to my husband *the DR* briefly about it. But how can I explain it to make her understand? It has been very frustrating for me as this has come up & the medical bills I will incur for tests & bloodwork. I have insurance, but still MRI's bloodwork, & Xrays are expensive! Plus my husband has issues from his back surgery which also he's in need of MRI's & much the same. I believe he has degenerative hip disease from his back surgery on the site the surgeon did the graft. His hip got fractured & has not healed properly.

    Sorry, looks like I needed to vent. I am typically very positive & a happy person, but this is all causing me great stress. Especially the prob. with my mom.

    I would appreciate any words of wisdom that maybe offered to me.

    Thank you,
    Dawn
  2. NashCag

    NashCag New Member

    That is one of the hardest parts for me, the lack of understanding.
    I lost my friends over this, they just could not undertsand how someone could have so many weird symptoms. And the name
    Chronic Fatigue syndrome didn't help, I always got the " I'm tired too" comment...nice.
    It always hurt me, because I was never a complainer, and rarely got sick before this happend. But people are afraid of an illness like this, one that comes out of nowhere, ruins your life and has no cure. I believe it makes people feel vulnerable.
    As for the family, well, it took a few years for them to get it. Once I finally moved in with Mom, and she was able to see with her own eyes what I was dealing with, that made the difference.
    But it was my own understanding that really helped me. When I finally accepted that I needed to listen to what my body was saying, and accepted that it wasn't in my head, and that I could only do what i could do, it really helped. Because in a way, I forgave myself for getting sick..does that sound weird? And when that happend, it didn't matter as much what other people thought.

    Sorry for going on like that, but I know how hurtful it can be to have people you thought knew you, doubt you.
    Take care of yourself, and have a good day!
    Christina
  3. winsomme

    winsomme New Member

    this can be a very difficult topic for family especially if there is pre-existing tension in the relationship

    i have had this with my sister.

    i would say one way to approach it is to find a good article which explains the seriousness of the condition and what it is like to have it.

    the CDC recently did a campaign on CFS and how real and serious it is. maybe one of those press releases would give your Mom an insight into what you are going through without pushing her too far away.

    if you need help tracking the article down, let me know.

    thanks
    bill
  4. Hairymel

    Hairymel New Member

    Hey Fungirl,

    The bottom line is you can't help feeling the way you do. And If given the chance you would not be sick. If you tell that to the people in your life and they still can't understand how real and how difficult this is...then maybe they are not the people you thought they were. I'm not saying to cut them off..but maybe we have to change our expectations of others . I know that this seems unfair given all we have on our plates...but I think it may be what we have to do to make it a little eaier on us. If you always feel like the people you love are letting you down you can feel pretty rotten. And I'm guessing if you feel like me you already feel rotten enough. I know how much it hurts when friends and family doubt you or act like your illness is a pain in there buts..but all we can do is remind them it's no picnic for us and that we wish we felt better so we could have lunc,shop..whatever.

    Try and keep your chin up and remember you are not alone.



    Blessings,
    Hairymel



  5. fungirl2100

    fungirl2100 New Member

    Friends,

    I appreciate all your words of wisdom. I have learned to try to take things with a grain of salt. I know not everyone will understand & I know my mom will try to understand & help me. She is scared because I am sick I have come to realize that. I am quick tempered & being sick has made it worse so.

    I am so glad I have found somewhere that others can relate with me.

    Bless all of you.

    love your friend-
    Dawn