please help me

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Asatrump, Jun 14, 2006.

  1. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Would you please offer some prayers for me that I may handle my life. I have had good control, but that could change quickly.

    I heard my father 87 is in the hospital 1,800 miles away. A long story. I broke away from the mental abuse from my mother a dozen years ago. Nobody ever stood up to her, and I was 49 before I had enough nerve. Even then I would have let things go except I saw clearly she was starting her abuse on my daughter.

    I have been eliminated from their lives, disowned, legally etc. I want nothing but peace. I have my children and grand children, and have clearly broken the cycle.

    She told both my father and sister that they were never to contact me again. They could not stand up to her, and they obeyed her. What kind of a man listens to a crazed woman who tells him never to contact his own daughter?

    I hear now he has Alzheimers and I do not know why he is in the hospital.

    The situation plays games with my head.

    And, during the middle of the night my son had to put his dog to sleep due to sudden and severe seizures. The vet also found a lump that would be cancer from brain mets. A two hour long drive to get to a night vet. He is divorced and the little dog was everything to him. I pray that he can be strong, he is a good man.
  2. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    comfort you in your time of need. Dear Jesus, Please hold my dear sister and her son close to you in this distressing time. Lord, please meet them where they are at emotionally, physically, and spirtually to bring comfort, love, healing, and the peace that only you can give.

    Lord I want to thank you and praise you that she has a family here on this board that she can reach out to. Thank you that you have brought us all here together to be one in your name and in your love. In Jesus name, Amen

    Life can be so tuff, but I am so thankful that you have reached out in your time of need. I am learning that God works thru his children to spread love & hope in his name. Thank you for letting me pray for you! Love, Tam
  3. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    I wish I had some words that would make you feel better. I have walked in your shoes. My Mother was a first class manipulator. She hated most of her seven kids, me being one of them.

    I strugle everyday with forgivness issues. The Christian in me wants to forgive but the hurt little girl still hates her.

    Before her death she succeed in turning all the kids against each other and thats when I walked away. She did disown me legally. And in her will left me a letter detailing how horrible I was since the age of three.

    I know in my head it was a mental illness, but my heart is so damaged, I can not forgive her. She turned my father against us. I don't know to this day how or what she said.

    I know it hurts like hell. But this is not your fault. Your father chose to believe her lies and turn his back on his daughter. You absoluty did the right thing.

    You are the one responsible for yourself and your family. That is what you will answer to God for. And he knows you did the right thing.

    Guilt is a tool of Satan and he also is a master manipulator. I will be saying many prayers for you and also for your son. The loss of a loved pet can really tear at your heart.

    Sorry, I rambled on so long. I am also thanking God that he gave me a new sister in you, one that can understand my past. God bless you. De

    [This Message was Edited on 06/14/2006]
  4. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    tlyyre thank you so much, that was a very lovely prayer. Some people express themselves so beautifully and you do that.

    De~~ I am so sorry for your suffering. It is a shame email addresses are not permitted as I feel we could do some "shrink" work for each other.

    My mother will be 84 next week, I am 62. People thought I was the perfect and spoiled child, clothes from the finest stores, etc. There is a long list of "buts".

    I found it interesting you can not forgive your mother. Me too. I am capable of forgiving, but I feel it necessary for the person to cease and stop the abuse in order to earn that forgiveness.

    I had a friend talk to me about the difference between the word forgiveness and regret. Please contemplate that. I have.
    I can't forgive that which continues. I have great regret that I am incapable of changing things. I tried and failed.

    It has been 12 years since the relationship severed. I suffered mentally and physically. Do you think there is a relationship to our fms and our past? Or perhaps you have CFS.

    I have regrets that I was and am incapable of changing things. I can only control myself. She will punish me as long as she lives, and probably longer.

    I read a book some years ago that I felt was almost written for me. I would order and send you one if I could. It is not in print any longer, but you could find it on a used book page like Amazon. The title was "The Emotionally Abused Woman" written by Beverly Engle. I read the book with a highlighter in hand, and wrote notes in the margins. It gave validation that I needed. It was not a long book, not like a text book, had a soft cover and back then was about $7.00. Please see if you can get a copy. We have so much emotional baggage that it sorts through.

    How awful that your mom actually wrote you a letter from the grave. Sick, very sick and demented. What child of 3 is deserving of sadistic treatment.

    I pray that we both are survivors. Obviously we are both good hearted and generous people, or we would not be here at a worship board. I could go on and on. Thank you so much for taking time to reply.

    I should try and think of a hymn to play for myself.
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Lifting up prayers for your peace of mind.

    Some things that have helped me with forgiveness. One is that you never have to lessen the reality of how bad the abuse was.

    You can forgive and still not see the person because they are still abusive.

    We should never lessen or deny the damage, pain, torment that has been afflicted on us. Also our losses are great.

    I have been working on my healing all my adult life. It's only in the past few weeks that I have finally been able to feel a healthy anger about the abuse in my life. I am doing that with a therapist that I trust to be a safety net.

    And while I am doing all this, on another level, I passionately want redemption for each member of my family.

    My mother was mentally ill, and extremely sadistic relentlessly. My father - what excuse can I give him? He is the one that has taken the longest for me to really see how culpable he was for his actions.

    For the past 5 years I haven't spoken to them. I can not do intensive therapy with them in my life. They are so sick, and never change.

    I wish it was all different, and the great thing that Christianity gives to me is the hope of redemption, that God can and will change them . I can't change them one bit, although I spent a good part of my life trying to.

    I am going through almost exactly the same situation you are. My parents are the same age as yours, and I would so gladly help them; but I stay away for my own survival.

    My therapist says, many adults who were abused as children choose not to go to their parents funerals.

    When you say it's playing games with your mind, what do you mean exactly by that?

    Keeping you in my prayers!!!

    Love, Judy
  6. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Thinking of you today, and praying for you.

    Love, Judy
  7. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    Hi Asa

    I have offered up prayer to our heavenly father, for healing for you and your family.

    I pray that you will have peace

    God Bless
  8. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    just want you all to know i'm here and praying for you.
    Asking God for healing, emotionally and physically.
    Just haven't been posting as much.

    I learned from a situation, that there is a huge difference between forgiveness and trust.

    In Christ,
    love, and prayers

  9. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    for the love and support and prayers. You make me feel like I am not alone. For the time being I have heard nothing . I suspect ignorance is bliss.
  10. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    You have been so strongly in my heart to pray for. I grieve for your sorrows and losses.

    May the Lord hold you tenderly in His care.

    Love, Judy