Please help!My life is a disaster!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Racheleliz, Mar 2, 2005.

  1. Racheleliz

    Racheleliz New Member

    24 year old teacher desperately in need of advice! Currently off sick with stress and CFS. I'll put the story in a nutshell, as much as i can!

    Was finally diagnosed 2 years ago and began to manage symptoms and time but was constantly stressed because work would pile up and i was simply too ill to catch up so there was always a background anxiety alongside fighting attitude that i was going to get on top of things.

    Last August i ended a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend who conitnued to stalk, threaten and abuse me for the next few months. I became ill again and my only waking hours were those spent at school.

    Things came to a head when my ex boyfriend actually killed himself and landed me right in the middle of the whole mess by pinning my photograph to the tree he hung himself at, spraying my name all over his flat walls and leaving a pile of letters for me and only one to his four children.

    I was blown into oblivion. I managed to get thru christmas but struggled and when i returned to work i had a fainting attack and brokedown. I spent a whole weekend in bed unable to do anything but cry. I was signed off sick the following monday.

    Im now being controlled by two things. Firstly i am back to having constant headaches, sore throats, nausea and muscle pain. My body is just begging to be rested all the time.

    secondly, my brain will just not switch off and let me sleep and im dealing with the many repercussions from the situation with my ex.

    I see an immunologist who is excellent and is behind me 100% and i have agreed to be referred to a psychologist to get some coping strategies for the mental traumas i can't handle.

    However, when i saw occupational health the doctor was far from sympathetic and seemed to have no understanding of CFS and told me the best thing for me is to get back to work. Any issues i told her about regarding my health or work were remarked about in a way that it was just me being oversensitive, lazy etc..

    I now do not have a clue what to do with my life but i know i cant teach any more as it is robbing me of any half decent waking hours but i dont know how i would cover my financial committments without my salary.

    I feel like the whole world wants me to just pull myself together and do what they want me to do rather than what i am able.

    Im sick of having to explain the symptoms of CFS to others who dont listen anyway and i just dont know where to turn.

    Even if i do get a bit of energy and have lunch with someone or go to the shops people say 'well, there's nothing wrong with you', they don't realise this is the highlight of my week!

    I know that for the sake of my health i need to get out of teaching but now, my long term sickness absence will go on my references, i feel so trapped!

    Any help from anyone is much appreciated..
    [This Message was Edited on 03/02/2005]
  2. Racheleliz

    Racheleliz New Member

    especially any people in the UK!
  3. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    about all the trauma you've gone through. My exhusband and father of my son killed himself 2 years ago and it was just dreadful. It took me a loooong time and I'm still angry at him because he left his 21 year old son behind without giving a damn.

    I had to give up my career in 97 after struggling for two years to hold onto my job. However the occupational therapist I saw was well informed on ME as it was called then and I managed to get early retirement due to ill health. I didnt want to give up work but I had to. Iget incapacity and disability allowance and a small works pension. I'm not sure how it works but see if there's any way you can see another occup. therapist.

    What about your union? The government issued guidelines on CFS through the Chief Medical Officer and you can get a copy through Action For M.E., maybe find it online - the OT cant just dismiss you like this surely.

    Disturbed sleep is all part of the illness I;m afraid thats why I'm sitting here at 3.50am.

    I know what you mean about references but you have to look after yourself first and foremost. Going to the shops once a week if I can is my highlight too. People are still very ignorant about this illness, try to ignore them.

    Good luck.
  4. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I think what you need to do is stated in the last lines of your post -- that for the sake of your health you need to get out of teaching now, if at all possible, and worry about your references later.

    I started getting sick in my mid-30's, but kept pushing myself for the next 17 years, and I now feel like I've pretty much ruined my health. I'm 53. I can't work, I'm on disability, most of my energy is spent trying to regain my health, and I wish more than anything that back when I was first getting sick I had taken it seriously enough to do what I needed to do -- to deal with stress, to get a less stressful job, etc.

    YOur situation won't resolve overnight, there's no one simple answer to your health issues. Re stress, EMDR therapy is excellent for dealing with emotional trauma, it works much more quickly than traditional talking therapy, and its results are lasting. I wish it had been around when I was 20.

    A lot of people are having good results with neurofeedback for dealing with stress and retraining their brain so it's not "switched on" all the time.

    Mikie on this board swears by Klonopin for sleep. You should read some of her posts re sleep.

    You say you have muscle aches, you might have fibromyalgia. Some people are helped a lot with the guaifenesin protocol; I don't have FM, so don't have personal experience with that.

    You do have an immunologist in your corner, which is a good thing. Most regular doctors know very little about CFS or FM. So I think we all need to be our own advocates, do lots of research and reading.

    But again I think the most important thing for you right now is to take your health seriously enough to do what you need to do to help yourself. Don't worry about job references if you take a long-term sickness absence. If you lose your health, they won't matter anyways. And once you do get stronger, if you take care of yourself, then you'll be able to deal that issue when it arises.

    I stayed in an unhappy marriage longer than I should have because I didn't think I could make it on my own. Well, when things got bad enough I found that I could do it on my own. I just had to take matters seriously and resolve to do what I needed to do, to take care of myself.

    Keep coming to this board, there's lots of good information here.

  5. Logand

    Logand New Member

    So sorry about what you've been through. Please do not waste your time on doctors and others who don't or won't understand. There are other occupational health doctors out there.

    Deciding to quit working was the toughest decision of my life. I'm 39 and have two kids. I finally decided that my physical and mental health were more important than pushing myself too far and making myself sicker.

    Yes, it is difficult, and today's society doesn't make it any easier. I had to go through bankruptcy. I went on welfare for a few months until my disability payments kicked in. I even had to go to the city for financial help. But it wasn't so bad. I survived.

    Not to sound harsh, but so what if your long-term sickness absence goes on your references? You don't have to tell them exactly why you took the absence. You could just say you took personal time.

    Would you be open to seeing a therapist? Mine has helped me so much. Just talking about things and having someone help me come to terms with what I'm dealing with helps so much. It would also be someone you could work through all this with, if you should leave work, how you would manage, etc.

    Best wishes.

  6. butterflyfairy

    butterflyfairy New Member


    Please don't ever feel alone. You do not know me but I would love to be your friend and help you and have a shoulder to lean on myself. please post to me on here or if you want I will give you my email add and tt me anytime.
    You really have gone through a hard time. It was a sick selfish thing he did. I agree with the prior poster about him bothering you from beyond.
    Anyone would be distraught under this conditions.
    I think you would benefit from a therapist to talk to and it might not be a bad idea to look into a anti-depressant with the immune doc. It can help with the pain (certain ones) and help you deal with how you feel.
    I just started taking Cybalta, it is mentioned alot on here but I can't comment on it yet I am too new on it. I feel nothing.
    I still for sleep love Ambien. If you can get some, which I can't imagine them saying no considering the situation, treat yourself to a hot bath=light some candles read a book in the tub and then GET OUT AND TAKE THE AMBIEN***
    Just please dont take it then light candles and get in the tub.
    Iif you have never taken it trust me it can knock you out in 10 minutes. it would not be safe then.
    It would be a good thing for you to get restful sleep.
    A body pillow to hug is also good when the pain is extruciating. I used that for my side to rest on and bought a mattress topper. I was at my wits end I would try anything.
    My idea for you regarding work, the idea came from my sons tutor, she had a heart condition and retired. She now takes students at her convinience at her house and we pay CASH.
    45.00 for 45 minutes, and she simply tutors.
    Can you maybe do that?
    Please come back and let us know how you are doing and let me know if you ever need a email pal I will me more then glad to give you my email add.
    You can vent to me 24.7.
    Good luck and many hugs*******

  7. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I, too, was a teacher and came down with CFIDS and FMS. I understand the stress of teaching and the guilt of not being up to a full load. For a while I did most of my teachng sitting down and finally I wasn't even strong enough to write more than one or two words on the board at a time. I woud have to sit and rest in between. Having these DD's as well as the stresses that go with your situation, must be so very orrible for you!

    My wonderful doctor suggested I take 6 weeks off. I did so, and at the end of that time I took 4 months off. I was on our district's disability pay of 2/3 of my salary. Finaly, I realized that I would have to take early retirement. Boy, did that freak me out! I had the one and only panic attack of my life at that time.

    But, I did retire and now I realize that I could not have done anything else. I was able to go back for 3 years sharing a contrct, but I even had to stop that.

    We have a hard row to hoe, but it does have its good sides. I have learned to stop and smell the roses, and have found peace and happiness, even though I have little money.

    I don't know what you will dcide, but I want you to know that you have my suport and prayers. The good thing about teaching is that, if you get better, you can always go back.
    You might want to talk to your associationn rep., and see what she says. There are several options.

    Good luck to you. Remember that you are not alone. We are here for ou in a good way.
    Big hugs,
  8. Racheleliz

    Racheleliz New Member

  9. Racheleliz

    Racheleliz New Member

    Thanks for everyone's advice and words of wisdom.Its nice to see that there is somewhere on the planet where people can understand and i dont need to justify myself. Not seeing a counsellor as the immunologist and i agreed thati have enough people to just talk to and i do this on a regular basis, avoiding the sceptics!We did decide that a clinical psychologist would be good to aid me in giving me some coping strategies and help to reassert myself and im happy with this. Seeing immunologist tomorrow so will keep you all updated! Nana, your words really touched me, thank youxxx
  10. Ceceliaskye

    Ceceliaskye New Member

    You not only have a chronic disease, but you have suffered horrific trauma.. Enough to make even the strongest person vulnerable to ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) Trauma resides in every part of our body if unresolved.. With your already compromized immune system.. this could really make you a great deal sicker. i don't mean to be an alarmist, but I truly believe and have expereinced the effects of trauma both within my physical body and my psyche. A good, caring and understanding therapist can make as much of a positive change for us as can any other medical doctor or medicine.. etc..

  11. PainSux

    PainSux New Member

    My husbands sister is a licensed social worker & thinks that he has this secondary to a very traumatic event in our lives that was done TO us in 2002 & we've just had so many difficulties for several years w/no end in site. So what exactly does it stand for?
  12. PainSux

    PainSux New Member

    Found it elsewhere on the net & it's true I am sure of it.
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i have been there in some of your ways but not stalked by someone i knew some else...i still deal w/bipolar ex-husbby whom we have a child to gether who is 16 years old...

    anyways try a took me many years to swallow my pride and dr' phil would've sadi to me,"how's it workign for you?"

    so find a good therapist and maybe will not have to consider early retirement...