Please help,very urgent request

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by alancalton, Nov 12, 2002.

  1. alancalton

    alancalton New Member

    Hello.Just came over from depression side.Am in deepest state of depression.Am bipolar.Been on almost every medication over last 15 years.Nothing seems to help medically.I need a miracle BUT read on please
    To sum up life right now ,is to say it is like living in hell.Alone,isolating,unable to work,nearly broke,suicidal
    thoughts,unable to pay bills,no support,full of hatred,hopeless.Am 56,twice divorced,5 children.The youngest three are only 3,6,and 7There is a lot more but the main issue is I am also in sin.
    My relationship with God is broken.I have been cheating,lying,full of envy,hate,covetousness,etc.Am also in a sexual relationship with my ex wife.There is a lot more sin,but I believe you understand.
    My heart is just sinful and I think I am more in Satan's camp than the kingdom of God.
    Four months ago I would have told you I have a personal relationship with Christ,but maybe I never have even had one.I know the scriptures,churchianity,started bible studies,been on a mission trip,even thought about full time ministry,etc.But all that is external stuff.Jesus is just not in my heart.
    The truth is my life is dependent on Jesus Christ.My circumstances are hopeless without him.
    The truth is also that I don't have a repentant heart.I even think I hate God sometimes, because of this illness.I feel the pain every day of this hated illness and blame God for not healing me.Sounds childish,but I am being as honest as I can.If you have ever known this depth of depression you would understand why someone would want to die,which I
    think often about.
    The matter is that I need the Lord but my heart is unrepentant,unloving ,and hard.This is a tought situation;can'flip a switch.I know what God requires of me,but I don't want to do it any more.I want
    a personal relationship with Christ in my mind,but my heart
    is not only unrependant but evil.I am dying and can't just
    turn a switch and change my heart.The issue is I want a relationship with God but I refuse to pretend that I have anything but a wicked heart.Need Jesus and also need you.
    Will you help?I am more desperate than you can imagine.


    [This Message was Edited on 11/12/2002]
    [This Message was Edited on 11/12/2002]
  2. Kim

    Kim New Member

    I am from Central Florida, too. I was diagnosed with depression in 1999 and had ECT. It's a long story but am suffering from other medical conditions as well. My life was a living hell then but the Lord brought me to Him during that time. I was raised Catholic but didn't know the Lord. Since that time I've married a Christian man and we were starting a Christ-centered life. Depression struck once again and now these other medical problems are causing much anxiety. I feel guilty because the Word tells us to FEAR NOT but I worry about my condition.

    Alan, Satan is using your depressed mind to mess with you. I feel it in my spirit. Yes, you have to turn away from sin and turn back to the Lord but you are still covered in the blood. It will take dying to the flesh but Jesus died for you and the Holy Ghost indwells you so keep believing that your Spirit man will overcome your flesh.

    I want to pray for you. If you want my e-mail address I'll give it to you. Do you have a pastor who can help? Any Christian friends nearby?

    You are in my prayers. You did the right thing asking for help on this board. The world's answer will not help in the long run.

  3. inpain3

    inpain3 New Member

    i will pray for the Lord to come in to your heart...i am sorry that you are feeling so horrible..that means the devil is working hard on you...the devil knows your really a child of God, so he will work extra hard to bring you pain and make you doubt your faith.

    Dear Lord, I pray for You to get the devil off alan's back and make him leave alan alone! Lord i pray for alan to find peace and find his faith in You that he once had, and Lord, i lift him up to you for healing, salvation and comfort only You can give him. In Your precious name...Amen.

    God bless and good luck!
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Alan, I do believe you are right now speaking to the Lord and not so much to us, and that is as it should be.

    You cannot change your heart, only the Lord can do that for you, but you do have the desire for your heart to be changed.

    We simply put our trust in the faith of the Lord Chirst Jesus, and He does the rest. You are surely going in the right direction Alan.

    I will also pray for your depression, that seems to be playing a big part in your relationship with the Lord too.

    You just start thanking Jesus for your conversion, and we will do the praying for you.

    Shalom! Shirl
  5. guest

    guest Guest

    The choice is all yours Allen. Thats what Christ gave us. Im not saying I always made the right choices because sometimes its very, very hard. I will pray for you to either reconcilate with your wife and children or make a choice that is best for you and your family. God Bless.


    Allen, dont let the desease beat you. Get as much help as you can. Do whatever you need to do to get help.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/12/2002]
  6. Kim

    Kim New Member

    Alan, I just wanted to tell you again that I know how desperate you feel and how depression can create a monster in your mind. Alan, remember that people who have never been depressed have absolutely no idea how dreadful this disease can be but Jesus does know. And Jesus does care about you and has already taken the nails for your sins....past, present, and future. With the help of the Holy Spirit, you will rise up and break free from the bondage of sin.

    Another word. Please watch out for the new agers on the depression board. There are some that think whatever makes you feel it. There are some that believe there's more than one way to peace or even more than one way to God. You know in your spirit that Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father. Alan, don't let go of that and look ahead to what's really important.....eternity free from pain, guilt, and fear. Fight the good fight while you're here. Get whatever help you need for depression but don't claim depression as yours. It was inflicted upon you by Satan just like Job. Meditate on the healing scriptures and claim your healing.


    Alan, remember that God's time clock is different from ours. This has caused me a lot of frustration and uncertainty. But our Father knows what's best for us.

    God bless you today. I'll continue to lift you up in prayer. I'm the faculty advisor for Campus Crusade for Christ at DBCC and we're having a bible study today. I'll have the group pray for you.

    God bless,

  7. moka

    moka New Member

    What's the new agers?
  8. Kim

    Kim New Member

    Just another substitute for the real thing, Jesus Christ.

  9. moka

    moka New Member

    Thank you Kim!

    Love and Hugs
  10. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    Alan; I did see your post yesterday, but wanted to make certain my thoughts came out clearly.. sometimes I wonder about this nasty disease. I have become extremely depressed recently myself because of many medical issues and family circumstances.. Satan can grab the opportunity to put doubt and confusion in our minds. I have asked the Father to send peace and acceptance that we are facing many medical challenges that will cause us uncertainty. I ask the Father also to give you the assurance that just your concern about your walk with Him is a major signal that you love Him and want to abide with Him. Alan, I have been a Christian since 1994 and have faced so many more trials than I had prior to becoming a born again child of Gods. It is much more difficult when you do not have unconditional loving people to come along side of you, and I do understand!! I have had many harsh words come from "sisters" in Christ about my fibromyalgia and my weight gain...and my depression... so I know that too is of Satan. I will ask our Lord to comfort you to bring you the support you need even if it is only from a website.. I will also ask Him to keep the thoughts of suicide from you...that is an avenue that you must rebuke with the words of God... I have had 3 people in my life take their own life (it is really God's life) and the pain and hurt and unanswered questions have caused me to wonder why they did not continue to fight. I will ask you Alan to hold on to fight the fight. To grab ahold of our Fathers hand and ask Him to help you make it through this. One day at a time, Alan, do not look forward, do not look back.. Just know that Jesus loves you and there are people who understand... God be with you...BARB
  11. Kim

    Kim New Member

    Dear Barbara,

    Your words to Alan today lifted me up. I think it is so powerful that we can be a community in Christ being so far apart. It's like the Church Without Walls. Before I left for work I rebuked the enemy for what he is trying to do to us with these illnesses. Today I join you and others on this board in calling on Jesus, every minute, and keeping our eyes on Him.

    God bless you. I pray that you feel the joy of the Lord today and the Holy Spirit brings you that peace that only He can bring.

    God bless you.