Please , I have an urgent need for more prayer !

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by soulight, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. soulight

    soulight New Member

    Well , next Thursday is supposed to be my consult appointment at the University of Michigan Urogynecology department.

    Last week , the insurance department called to ask about my insurance. I had already told my doctor that my insurance is only for the county in Michigan where I live and that county is not the same county as Ann Arbor.

    So , the insurance department said " Oh , you are a self pay " and referred me to the finance department where I got an answering machine and gave all my info. for them to call me back . That was over a week ago . I had to get a calling card to call them back as I don't have long distance service. Another answering machine.

    I so do not want to go to this appointment ! ! ! Yet here I am fighting to find out how to make it happen. I am praying that they will give me some huge fee and that I have to cancel because I can't pay for the consultation. I am frightened and the doctor increased my xanax . I am hormonally a mess . I am praying and reading the word for comfort and guidance. My usual doctor is out of the office until the middle of next week ( I have to go to Ann Arbor on Thursday morning ; early )

    I also have e-mailed U of M 's financial department and also my county health plan . No replies. If I do not get a reply by Monday , I will cancel the appointment and pray that they do not charge a cancellation fee. Maybe this is a God thing. Maybe I need more healing before undergoing these majorly invasive tests ( complete pelvic floor including all the functions that it does )

    Please , Please pray for me. I am on the edge of tears all day and I am very anxious and jumpy . I am no fun to be around and I hate to have my daughter endure this too. She kind of goes out with friends a lot anyway and I don't blame her for her avoidance of such an uncomfortable problem when it happens to be her own mom.

    I KNOW that God turns all things for the Good of those who love Him . I KNOW that I love Him and He loves me. I KNOW that I am being strengthened by this.

    I also know that inside , when in the middle of a procedure, I am 4 years old and 12 years old (times of sexual abuse ) and it feels as there is nobody there to comfort me.

    In His Grace and His never ending Love,

    UPDATE: I will be going for sure , but am still not sure about the finances. They said to sign a waiver and/or fill out a "charity case" form. Mmmm, I need prayer for guidance on these too , please !

    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2009]
  2. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Today, when I called my nun friends, I asked them to pray for you, as I was calling to ask them for prayer for someone else. So the whole convent will be praying!

    If you can concentrate, please lift up some prayers for me. I'm in a bad state - re-experiencing things from when I was an infant, for the first time. I was in such a state of terror - startle reaction, that I couldn't even be in the same room as my husband. Every time he moved, I jumped in fear. This was all from the past - my DH is my strongest ally.

    I am just done in. Please forgive me if this is up-setting you more! I just wanted you to know about the prayers from the Sisters.

    Love, Judy
  3. soulight

    soulight New Member

    I care very much about how you are doing and I need to know so that I can focus my prayers for you ! I am so there with you with that startle reaction. I sometimes want to be totally alone because any movement around me at all freaks me out. I am glad most of my "events" are the worst when my daughter is out and she doesn't have to try and figure out what to do with me.

    I am so sorry that you are done in. I know exactly what you mean by that. What a blessing it is that the Sisters are praying ! What a wonderful feeling. God Bless Them !

    Please know you can tell me anything and I will be here with prayers and support.

  4. jole

    jole Member

    You two are such a delight to know...and such gifts from God to all the rest of us! I know of only one other person as strong in their prayer support of others, or their love of our Lord. You've both been through so much in this life, and ended up better people for all of it...even though it may not always seem like it to you. The uplifting of others, the encouragement, the understanding, the prayers and sharing of God's love...I don't believe any of these would be as strong if you hadn't suffered what you have. You've learned the depth of despair and the the height of God's gentle compassion, and through it all, you've learned how to give back to others.

    I hope you always know that you are both very special people, and yes...I will keep you both in my simple prayers for God's guidance, protection and peace of the body and soul. Holly, I pray there will be financial help for you to have the procedure done when/if the time is right. And Judy, may the baby in you be healed of all the past trauma and injustices. So many sad times in your lives.

    God bless you ......Jole
  5. soulight

    soulight New Member

    One of your gifts is encouragement ! Thank You Lord , for giving Jole this wonderful gift.

    Thank you also for your prayers of guidance , protection and peace of the body and soul. That is just what I need ! I can't speak for Judy , but I know that your prayers will touch her too. That little 2 week old baby is not going to suffer anymore . God can heal ALL wounds.

    Praying for Jole and Judy , Lord , You know I care so much how they are doing.

    In His Grace,
  6. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    What you wrote has meant so very much to me. I feel like I have been given a feast and shelter after a long journey. Thank you so much for your loving, validating, encouraging words!

    I've been wanting to respond to a post that you wrote on 6/29 on one of my threads. I apologize for taking so long to write back. But I wanted to tell you how strongly I could relate to all you shared about your family traumas.

    I can just feel and imagine, know really how horrible it was for you to live with such constant violence and cruelty. To have such annihilating things said to you, to witness others in your family being so constantly beaten down. To live without feelings of safety or nurturing.

    I just grieve for the little girl you were, just as I grieve for Holly, and for myself.

    And how hard it was for us to try and grow up in these terrible circumstances.

    I've been praying for months, for guidance about starting a thread for PTSD, for abuse survivors. And here it's come about!

    We can help each other in many ways. You have surely helped me tonight!

    How is your husband doing, with his back injuries? I've been wondering.

    Blessings to you and your family,

    Love, Judy
  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Thank you for your loving words and prayers!

    Tomorrow (Wed.) I need to see my Dr., psychiatrist for meds. It's going to be hard for a few reasons. I'm feeling so emotionally fragile. I've been resting up this past week, but feel exhausted and weak. I get sick from too much sun, and our car's air conditioning broke down.

    I have this symptom, where my body keeps getting hotter and hotter, and I get heat-stroke very easily. I get really panicky too, as the heat builds up.
    So would love prayers about that.

    I'm thankful that so many people are praying for me.

    Love and blessings to you, have been praying for your prayer request.

  8. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Have been praying throughout the day for you, for tomorrow. I'm glad that your daughter and close friend are going with you.

    I hate for you to have to experience all this!!!

    I left you a post on the prayer request thread - don't know if it's something helpful now, or maybe better not to try something new now.

    There is a lot of prayer coming to you. From the Sisters - that whole convent is a powerhouse! And people here who care about you!

    Dear Jesus, we lift up to you our Holly. You know and grieve for her sufferings. Please surround her with your presence tomorrow. Saturate her with your supernatural, complete love. Bring your wisdom to decisions, be there guiding and influencing the doctors.

    Bring your life, and your healing to Holly tomorrow. We lift her up into your loving embrace.
    In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.

    My prayers will be with you, Holly!

    Love, Judy

  9. windblade

    windblade Active Member

  10. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Prayed for you yesterday (Thursday) for all that you had to go through. You must be exhausted!

    Just sending love and God's blessing for you. To rest and recuperate.

    Love, Judy
  11. soulight

    soulight New Member

    So , Wednesday , I received a long overdue tax refund ! I went to the appointment . They turned down the lights in the exam room.draped me really well and told me that I am in charge . If anything bothers me to say "stop" and they will. They were all ( 2 men , 1 woman doctors) speaking in calm and gentle tones. I was still afraid , but they were wonderful !

    Guess what ? Those problems with the complete pelvic floor WERE NO LONGER THERE ! I don't need a hysterectomy , a bladder sling , a bowel repair !!!

    I am still bleeding , but the doctor suggested a ablation . He said" you don't need any more traumatic surgery and pain right now. Let's handle one thing at a time . I will write a letter to your gyn . and primary doctor to tell them my consulting advice .

    My doctors at home both thought a hysterectomy was a 100% go. I still get that panic feeling a little when I think of the quite painful exam. Not the doctors fault by the way , just in a flare and he had to do what he had to do.

    This man is the assistant professor and one of the main experts with my "problems" that are no longer there I might add ! God has certainly blessed me . Not only is one of the best in the country , he didn't charge me for over $ 300.00 worth of lab tests ! I had 4 times the amount of money I needed for the consult ,and was able to pay for it in cash . I don't need to go back . Took my friend and daughter out for dinner on the way back home .I slept all the way home , and I am very sore today ,but GOD IS SO GOOD ! PRAYER WORKS! THANK GOD !

    I totally KNOW that God has His hands in this. Thank you so much for the prayers . Thank God for nuns who pray and friends on this board who pray and churches that pray. God has shown me how much He loves me ! Imagine : He Loves me ! I am humbled and thankful.

    So , going from panic and a major triple whammy surgery to minor surgery and complete pelvic collapse that vanished , what does everyone think of God's Power ? Isn't he AMAZING ! I am truly humbled and grateful .

    I know that I still need to do much work on my past . God has shown me through this through this crisis that it is time , however , now I know without hesitation that I can make it through to the other side with prayer and putting all my hope and trust in Him.

    Oh , I was too nervous to try the techniques , but I am going to work on it for next time. I was very much that little girl on the table , but He was holding my hand.

    Love and Thankfulness in His Grace,

  12. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Oh, what wonderful news. Your doctors were so kind, respectful, understanding. That was just the right thing to do - to put the power in your hands!

    How absolutely fantastic that you don't have to have the hysterectomy, and other major surgeries. Wow - a Dr. who is wise, and really made such a great decision on your behalf.

    Wheww - Holly, I am so relieved for you!!!

    Praising God for his care of you!

    Rest up well - emotionally and physically. I am so, so glad of these results.

    Love, Judy
  13. jole

    jole Member

    Praise to our Lord! Isn't it amazing how things can change...whether it was a wrong diagnosis or a change in the really doesn't matter, does it, Holly? And the tax return money....WOW!!!!

    All that matters is the power, love and compassion of our Jesus! And the fact that yes, prayers are definitely answered! You are so blessed to have found these doctors, received their compassion, and heard their answer. Did they do the ablation therapy or is that still down the road yet? For your sake, I hope they were able to do it then.

    Judy, you asked about my hubby....another prayer miracle at this point! The surgery was explained in a terrifying way to us, so we needed time to think...and people took over and prayed when I was too stunned to. Well, he has since found out about spinal decompression therapy and has had two treatments by a very well-respected, caring chiro...and praise be, they "seem" to be helping! Perhaps it's just temporary, but we're excited about any relief he can get at all at this point!

    Yes, I too hope others see and feel the works of our Lord. It's truly amazing.

    Best of luck to you, Holly. Prayers continuing for your recovery...I understand how the stress takes a tremendous toll on our bodies. Love ya....Jole
    [This Message was Edited on 08/17/2009]