Please . . I need some suggestions.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Adl123, Jan 20, 2006.

  1. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear All,
    Please forgive me, but I need to vent. Maybe someone will have a sugestion.

    About a year ago I joined a meditation group. It was what I had been looking for, for years. Afer a while I discovered that it is very structured and the members take classes, leading to "higher" studies, and they also have commuity events and get together for evening dinners, etc.. Altogether, a great group of people, and lots if things to do.(Don't worry, it's not a cult - I researched it already).

    The problem? I can't do any of them. I need to keep away from groups of people during the flu season, from December to about April. I don't have the strength for the Saturday retreat days or for the parties. I tried in December, and ended up very sick.

    This causes me a lot of sadness and now I get depressed and cry, whenever I think of the group. Partly it is my pride, because they are going on and learning all kinds of things , and here I am at home, only able to read for a mew minutes a day. By the time I can go back, I will be so out of touch, I won't even be able to relate to the vocabulary.

    As you know, our DD'c can cause depression, which I'm always fighting. I wish I could get rid of my desire to go and be involved, because that way I could get rid of this extra cause of sadness. I'm trying, but am failing miserably. It is hard to give up a long-awaitd dream especially when you've found it. It really bugs me, because this is something good that I'm having to relinquish, and doing so leaves me almost totally alone.

    What say you? Does anyone have some words of wisdon? I know this is a small problem compared to those that many of you have, but right now it is pretty big for me, as I'm constantly reminded, as I delete the many Email that I receive (all communication is open). Maybe I should ask them to take me off the mailing list? I feel like such a wimp! I'm so disappointd in myself, that I can't just accept my limitations in this regard.

    Well thanks for listeniing. And thanks, in advance for any responses.


  2. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    what you're going through Terry.

    Our illness is SO isolating - I'm mostly housebound, often bedbound and although I would love to get out and do something worthwile it just isnt possible.

    Have you explained to your group that you have limitations because of your illness? I'm sure they would welcome you whenever you are able to go if they know what you are going through. I would hope so anyway.

  3. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Rosie,
    Yes, they know I'm sick, and they welcome be at all times. That is't the problem. The problem lies with me. I sometimes feel that I shoud quit the group, if I can't think of it without becoming depressed. Yet, I don't want to let it go. Silly, huh?

    Thanks for answering,
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Do not worry about it all. I know these things tend to magnify themselves, but a simple solution is to just keep it simple. Do what you can. Do not do what you are unable to do. Sometimes I get depressed about the same thing. It is like standing on the sidelines watching life go by.
    I just let out a sigh and realize: I am lucky I have all this extra time to rest and take care of myself.
  5. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    I totally understand what you are going through. I think all of us have been there. We wish we could do more and be more like 'normal' folks.
    If the group is important to you, don't give it up. Any kind of social contact is valuable to those of us who are isolated. Try to focus on the meditation itself. Regular practise can help you to accept that you have limitations.
    I think it's the acceptance that is the hardest.I agree with the others.Do what you can and know that there are those here who understand.

  6. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I joined a Ladies Book Club because I felt it would force me to get out and get involved with other women. The problem was I had difficulty reading most of the books they selected...either they were boring or too complicated and I could not concentrate. But at first I would just go to the meetings and fake it and try to social. I always felt out of place because they were all drinking wine and my illness prevents me from enjoying even a glass of wine.

    I could not go to every meeting because of my health and I felt like I was always trying to get to know these women all over again each time I could go. When they would ask why I hadn't been there and I explained my health situation, they tried to be sympathetic but I didn't feel like they embraced me as part of their circle. They always said "Oh, but you look so good".

    I started to feel guilty when I couldn't go and depressed that this disease had stolen my social life from me. One day I just decided that I was going to quit the group and I did.

    That was the best decision I could have made for myself. I no longer feel this cloud over my head about what I should be doing or long to be doing. I just take care of myself and read the kinds of books I like at my own pace.

    Ad123, don't feel like a wimp and don't be disappointed in yourself. You have certain limitations right now and it is better to accept them and even embrace them so that you can take care of YOU.

    I would advise you to go when you can and if this doesn't work for you, then quit the group and accept yourself. It only does us harm to dwell on the things we can no longer do. It has taken me a while to reach this way of thinking, but after 8 years I believe that I am finally accepting this illness (FMS/CFIDS) and treating myself with respect and love.

    I hope this helps,

    [This Message was Edited on 01/20/2006]
  7. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    ... don't be so hard on yourself .. I know .. when people say that to me I don't feel any better either .. but I know it is said out of kindness and concern.
    I was TOTALLY EMBARRASSED when I took one Tai Chi ? session and knew immediately it was not going to work for me .. it was a small class of senior citizens .. I'm not in that catagory yet .. the instructor was so nice, as were the people in the group, but it just was not for me .. I felt so badly about having to say I can't do this .. especially after they had said other fibro people found it wonderful .. then you really think you are a sad sack BIG time ... but ... I got over it and practice yoga at home and feel better with that.
    In the end you have to do what helps you feel comfortable and try NOT to dwell on it.
    Good Luck !
    Fudge : )
  8. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    This DD affects every aspect of our lives.

    Inviting people to your home sounds like a good suggestion. ONe of my friends had a 12 step meeting in her home for some years. About 8 or ten people came once a week. Worked well for her and everybody.

    Personally I couldn't mediatate anymore than I could fly. Have you tried books, tapes, videos?

    Good luck.
  9. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I agree, having the group over might be an answer. On the other hand it might be more stressful if you dont have the energy.

    It's a shame to let something go that you enjoy.

    I hope you can work something out.

  10. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    for your responses.

    Having the group over would be an answer, except that the reason I don't go isn't that I can't do it physically (the meetings are only 3 minutes away) it's that I have a depressed immune system and will catch a cold or a virus if anyone in the room is carrying the germs. That is why I live a hermit's life, and keep away from people all during flu season. With Congestive Heart Failure, and not being able to take any antibiotics, I just can't take the chance.

    After Flu season, like in April, I can resume going, and I guess by then I will just have to resign myself to being very, very, far behind.

    Thanks to all of you, for your help and compassion. You have no idea how much being able to talk to someone besides my fur kids helped me. Or, maybe you do. :)

    Big Hugs,
  11. pepper

    pepper New Member

    Since having people over doesn't seem to be an option, what about having someone or more than one keep you up to date on what is done in the group? That way you would not be behind when you re-join them after cold and flu season.

    I am not sure if this would work or not but what about a phone call every week after the group and someone explains what went on? Or similarly an email? Or would it be possible for someone to videotape the group so that you could watch it afterwards and participate that way?

    If these people are as wonderful as you think they are, I am sure that there is at least one member in that group who would see to it that you get to participate in your own way so that you will be caught up with the group in April.

    Since you are inclined to be depressed (like me!) it is important to keep these social contacts.

    I hope that you can work something out. It is hard to ask for help but some people (not all) are very understanding of others' limitations, especially when it will only require a short-term commitment from them.

    Good luck in working this out, Terry.

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