Please, Need Some Advise....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by greatgran, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Not sure where to post this, thought about the worship board and probably will go there for prayer...

    I do need some advise concerning my granddaughter..Won't go into all the details as I have posted them on the worship board under "Prayer for my Granddaugher", or something like that..

    Anyway, my daughter keeps her children during the week while my granddaughter works, in fact she leaves the children with her most of the time..Especially the weekends.

    So this weekend she dropped the children off on Friday around 3p.m.(She did not work that day)..said she would be back in a few minutes..Well, Sunday around noon she finally showed up at her apartment..

    On Saturday morning, I was out looking for her, drove by her apartment and saw her door standing wide open..So I went in to ck on things and to see If my cell phone was there that I had loaned her..I saw a purse on a chair went thru it and there was my granddaughters wallet and other things..

    I checked to see if there was any money in her wallet, there was so I took it and found my cell phone got it also..

    She has a habit of losing money or the crowd she hangs with taking it..She was so out of it this weekend she didn't even miss it till Sunday afternoon..

    I am afraid if I give it back it will be used the wrong way, yes its her money but her children are doing without for her to party..

    I know this probably doesn't make sense but I am thinking of holding on to the money for a week or so just to see how she does then give it back or save it for the children..I feel this was money for her car
    payment as it was $400.00 cash...

    She doesn't seem to care about the being with her children but she won't let my daugher have custody..My daughter lost her job because my granddaughter would never get the children when she was suppose to, she was always late, or not show up at all..

    My daughter is jobless and trying to take care for these children plus a 15 yr old at home.She also is a single mom
    (widow)..and very little income..In fact I took food for them this weekend so they could eat and the little one diapers..

    Sorry, this is so long but should I hold on to the money, and see how she does or give it back and let her blow it or whatever..It is her money..I feel so guilty but her children need food...

    Any input would be most appreciated..

    Thanks and God Bless,

    p.s. After this weekend my daughter has called Child Protective Services and I have contacted a lawyer but it will be later this week before we can get in since the children are being cared for..

  2. greygodess

    greygodess New Member

    I don't know why you took in the first place. I can see a possiblility of you trying to keep it safe for her or to keep her from using it the wrong way. But it seems that you are rationalizing keeping it. In effect the money is stolen. Give it back. According to your p.s. you are doing something positive about the situation. Which is focusing on the kids. Godbless
  3. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thank you for your advise, yes you are right...I took it to keep it safe for her or so I thought..

    I do feel guilty so guess if she blows it its her money..

    I have had to make 4 car payments for her, and over 400 dollars she put on my credit card..She copied my card # and ordered some things, which she said she would pay back but never has..My mistake..

    Thank you and God Bless,
  4. Khalyal

    Khalyal New Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. These things are so difficult because it's hard to know how to help.. I understand that you want to fix the situation, but some things are out of our control to fix.

    The $400 she has may very well be for the car payment, and she may very well blow it on something else, but if you hold it or make the car payment with it, the problem is not solved. It'll happen again next time she has money. All you've done is put a bandaid on a severed limb at that point, so to speak.

    I know this is hard to hear, but why are you making her car payments? In a way, this is enabling the situation. She knows somebody is going to bail her out. It sounds like both you and your daughter are bending over backwards, and I understand it's for the kids, but all that's really happening is that you are making it okay for her to behave this way.

    Good move calling Child Protective Services. That's the place to start. And also good for you for contacting an attorney. Hopefully he will be able to guide you along the path that is best for those kids. Please, though, think about the long term instead of the immediate fix, and stop enabling this woman. She is a full grown adult, and apparently has no concern about the trouble she might put others through. Your daughter's life is being ruined, and yours is too.

    Hugs for you, Greatgran!
  5. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thank you for your advise..It helps so much to hear this from someone outside the family..

    The reason I had to make the car payment is I co-signed for her..Big mistake but she was in school trying to get an education to make money to support herself and the two little ones..Which she did,finished with flying colors and is now a dental hygenist..

    I did take the money back, as it wasn't mine..She cried and said she was so sorry and going to change, heard that before, so who knows..

    We, my daughter and I are still going thru with our actions as far as the children are concerned..If she changes that would be wonderful if not maybe at least we can say we tried with the little ones..

    It is so heart breaking as she is such a beautiful girl with so many talents..and could have done anything she wanted to do but chose the wrong path.

    Tough love from now on, as I told her I would always love her no matter what but until she can prove herself then I am through...We have given in so much because of the little ones..

    My granddaughter never married the children's dad, thank God and he is in jail has been for 3 years so the little ones don't know him..I feel that will be another horror story for them when he gets out..Oh, well can't go there..

    Thanks again so much,

    God Bless.
  6. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Guess i feel glad that you returned money. Seemed that
    you were dropping level of integrity and some self esteem to keep it.
    It hurts sometimes, but even with people I know are lying, I try to keep my personal word and promises (Don't make many promises anymore).

    Your grand daughter seems a "mess" now. Hopefully it is just a phase.

    Legal means are sort of a last resort, but seems that for you, and your daughter, and ggrandkids you've haven't been left much choice. Other than keep being messed up by her mess. Can be tough when you care. You have a lucky family to have you.

    Very much wish you luck and that works out well. your mr Bill
  7. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    I feel for what you are going thru.

    I'm glad you gave back the money. In the long run, it's her decision to do what's right.

    As for the car, maybe you can tell her if you have to make another payment, she will have to relinquish the vehicle. if you have to pay for it, it should be yours.

    Take care,

  8. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Hmmmmmmmm. This is a hard one.

    Does she get food stamps?

    If not, I'd probably buy about $100 worth of food, give her $200 back, and put $100 on the car payment.

    Well, now that I think about it, you want to have a pristine record if you are attempting to get the children.

    Could you go with her to the bank and get a certified check for her to make the car payment? Then, I'd give her the rest of the money because you don't want to be accused of stealing.

    Oh darn. I'm not sure what you should do. if it were an easy solution, you would have already figured it out!