Please read. Desperate

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by juliejo, May 21, 2006.

  1. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    I could write a book here about my life, well what ever life i have!!.

    Some of you know i have had FM/ME now for over 20years or more.

    The last 3 year's have been hell after contracting a viral infection. I am in contant and unrelenting pain and fatigue.

    Well i cannot stand this life anymore.
    Everyone is bringing all their problem's to me and i just want out. By that i mean leave my home and just disappear.
    No-one would notice i had gone either!!!!!!!!!!!.

    I am having to watch my dad go rapidly downhill with Dementia and poor mum is very ill too.
    Feel so useless as i can't do anything to help because i am so ill myself.

    Now my son of 32 has come back here to live as his wife is having an affair with his best friend and living in their house. They also have 2 children bless them who are very precious to me.
    He is so depressed i am worried about him which in turn is making me ill too.
    At present he has been on a drinking binge and is in bed again. I can't put up with this much more.

    Then my daughter come's round and break's down too yesterday as her husband has Epilepsy and us awaiting a MRI scan as he is very ill too.
    They also have money problem's. Getting all that too.

    Now the last bit.
    My husband and myself have been married for 35 year's this June and ar'nt getting on at all. In fact i would go as far as to say i could walk out on the lot of them.
    All we do is argue about anything.
    He just dos'nt and never will get this DD and what stress does to me.
    I feel like i am going to explode big time but am holding my feeling's back as i know i will end up in bed very ill.

    Sorry just needed to vent as at my wit's end.

    Julie jo

  2. place

    place New Member

    It looks like you got now where to go but up. When things get overwhelming, I break it down to smaller problems!

    I even write down the problem, make sure it is your problem and not someone else’s to take care (many times we tend to take the task of solving other people’s problems that are close to us), find solutions to them and the repercussions of each solution, and pick the best one (sometimes it is picking the lesser of the two evils). The move on to the next problem and do the same.

    If you can afford it, go to a hotel for a couple days so that you can think more clearly and not be interrupted with people or more problems.

    There is not a darn thing wrong with taking a time out! Everyone will really be better off.

    Be strong, be strong, be strong!

    For every complex problem there is a solution that is simple neat and wrong – H.L. Mencken
  3. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Julie we all hear you here and many of us know when that stress level gets to high there are two choice's 1 blow or 2 stop take a deep breath and do what you need to do for your survival.Taking a few days away sounds good if you can do it.If not grab a picnic basket fill it with things you can eat over the next few days like peanut butter and crackers,some cheeze,bottled water ,anything you enjoy.grab a stack of magazines and head up to your room .put a large note on the door "Leave me alone"
    and settle in for a few days .
    Don't hold it in because that's stressful.But so is exploding so write each of those people a letter .That should take a while.When you are done hold on to the letters for two days then if you still feel the stress decide if you want to give them the letters or throw them away.
    I hope this works for you.You really have to let everyone do for themselves .They need to think about the what if's in life, like what if you were no longer there.
    This would be a lot easier if you can get away either to a hotal or a good friends extra bedroom.
    You are in our prayers .Vent anytime!
  4. heathnicole

    heathnicole New Member

    I wish I could say more that would really help but It's tough.

    I am sure you know that the more you stress the worse it makes you.
    Whenever there is something you can't handle turn it over to GOD- he will walk beside you and help you.
    Have you though about suggesting your son to talk to someone about all his problems? You need to let him know how the stress impacts your health! He is a man . .and you know sometimes they don't always think .. . LOL So tell your son .he may not realize how it impacts you. ..

    You need to have a one on one with the hubby. And tell him exactly how stressed you are and that you need him more than ever right now to be there for you to lean on.

    I hope this helps and you are in m thoughts and prayers
  5. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    about letting stress build up and letting it EAT me alive. But I DID try something once that I need to do again. I made a "God box" and wrote down each stress or problem, put it in the slit I made in the lid and when the box was full (I made mine out of an empty oatmeal box) I burned it. Our problem is we "hand over" our problems but then we don't trust enough to let them go and we take them back. This is a reminder to let go and let God. Hope it helps!
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Please find out what services are available to you for family counseling. If no one will go with you, go alone. You simply cannot carry this stress load. Good luck and God bless you. You are in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  7. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    I am so sorry hun.

    You have overload there. The stress is eating you up.

    I understand, this circus I live in is for the clowns.

    You are in my prayers!!
  8. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    You have so much stress. I am saying this sincerely, please consider seeing a therapist. Don't wait until you snap. We all have our breaking point. I'm speaking from experience.

    You don't need to let anyone else know you are seeing someone, but trust me, it helps.

    It takes a lot of coursge to go, but once you get there and start opening up, it is a tremendous relief.
    Also the support and feedback will help you make better decisions.
    In your case, you have stress coming from all directions, I would want to run away also.
    I recently started therapy and its amazing once you start opening up you can really begin to understand so many things, which in turn helps you release anger.
    If you decide to see someone - one last bit of advice.
    Don't hesitate to see three different therapists to see who you like the best. That is actually recommended and I did just that.

    Life does not need to feel so bad. With help,it is much essier to sort it all out.
  9. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am so sorry that life is so overwhelming for you right now. It seems as if the whole family is having tremendous problems.

    I am also sorry that your DH is not responding well, could it be that he already switched off??? Maybe he is dealing with the stress of it all by denying everything.

    As it just makes matters worse arguing, then is there a way not to argue? I mean, can you just not respond to being ste up to argue? I know this is hard, but it does not sound as if the rows are solving anything.

    Your kids are old enough to be sorting their own problems out. If your son's way of dealing with being cuckolded by his best friend is to tie benders on, could it be that he always had a drink issue? If he is back home with you, no matter how upset, he has two children and needs to stay sober for them, just wallowing in it is of no use to anyone. I understand he is hurting, but he cannot drop all that onto you.

    If your family is having a problem accepting your DD it could be you need to all have counseling, so your needs and pain can be explained to them by a third party. I can understand why you feel like running away-all these needy people and none of them seeing your pain.

    I feel so very sorry for you, and can only hope that you will be able to get some help from counseling. Tell your son, it is always the best friend, happens to the best of us.

    Just do not be forced into being a servant at all for all these grownups, take care of yourself and let them do the same.

    Love Anne C
  10. winsomme

    winsomme New Member

    i wish i had a magic solution, but i don't.

    i have just started taking something called ImmunoPro which actually undenatured whey protein.

    it is rich in amino acids and other immune boosting proteins. if you want info on where to get it let me know.

    also, i am going to be asking my DR about this herpes antiviral called Valganciclovir. who knows maybe they will go for it and maybe it will help.

    if it does i will scream from the heavans that it works, but until then i guess the best advice is to keep venting to people like us who know all to well what you are going through, and hang in there!!!

  11. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    Well, where do i start here.
    What a fantastic place this is and what caring and wonderful friend's you all are.

    I have read and re-read all of you reply's and you have all given me some great advice and lot's to think about.
    So a big big thankyou to you all.

    After my daughter went home last night i went back to bed and my hubby just left me there.

    I know he dos'nt know what to do or say but something has to give here.

    I am going to write them all a little note and tell them exactly how i feel and go from there.

    I shall also consider seriously going away for a couple of day's too but am scared i won't be able to cope on my own.
    I am mostly housebound so can't just up and leave.

    I have been laid awake most of the night thinking and have decided some serious changes are going to happen here.

    Firstly my two grown up kids can sort their own lives out and stop coming to me wailing and asking for help and money.
    It's about time they grew up and took charge of their own lives.!!!!!!!.

    My top priority is going to be my father who i am going to try and get to see more often before he dos'nt know me anymore and also to be their for my mum as she is very ill too.
    They have had to take a back seat in all this believe it or not as i havent had the energy to be there for them both.

    Seeing a councellor is another option if thing's don't change soon as well.

    Well i will leave off for now but thank's once again for the advice and for being there and understanding this DD.
    Love to you all.

  12. heathnicole

    heathnicole New Member

    Awesome Idea-
    I know I want to forgive alot but sometimes Ic just can't -
    And how ironic that the last 2-3 weeks every devotion or - thing I stumble upon screams for me to let go and forgive.
    I know that it is something I have struggled with for a while.
    Thanks for the awesome idea!
    YOU all are in my thoughts and prayers!!

  13. board

    board New Member

    hello i am so sorry you are haveing a bad time i am haveing a bad time my daughter 6 dx aspergers on the 12 of last month then my mother diead on the 26 melinjet then my nices 18 told the baby she is carrying has downs sydrome and bad heart my husband has a bad heart i have fms cfs ibs sarcoidosis plus a lot more but got a lot to be thank full for my mother was the best mother in the world to me so i will go on no matter what to be the best i can i hope things get better for you you would be missed by your family they may not show it but i bet they love you just take time for your self you are inportant just rember that it my not feel like it at the morment but you are all the best to you from someone who cares jill

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