Please Read Posts Carefully

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Mikie, Aug 3, 2003.

  1. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I know that we all have bad days and days when it is difficult for us to understand what we are reading. In that case, we need to be careful to try to understand what the poster is saying. I have seen people respond to perfectly innocent posts with criticism and argue against something which was never even said in the original post. It is not fair to put words in other people's mouths which were never there to begin with.

    When we are sick, in pain, or have a sensitivity to a subject due to something in our own past, it is easy to become emotional. All I am asking is that before we respond, we need to stop and ensure that we really understood what was being said and that we are not just reacting in a knee-jerk fashion.

    I think we are a group of intelligent and compassionate people here and we should be able to discuss issues objectively and that is what I am asking. In order to do that, we must be sure we understand what the other is saying and understand our own sensitivities. When we feel that knee-jerk reaction kicking in, it might be best to either wait to respond or not respond at all.

    People who are trying to help others here do not like to have their words twisted and used to argue against them. Let's please put ourselves in the other person's shoes and make sure we are contributing something useful.

    Thank you for your help in making this a place of comfort where our discussions work for the benefit of our members.

    Love, Mikie
  2. tandy

    tandy New Member

    I totally hear ya!! Some people are overly sensitive,cranky,ill,tired,..whatever.....we need to see what the person is asking,and try to help if possible~ Maybe we could all take a V' before we come on here!! lol
  3. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    I have days when much of what I read here makes me mad. When that happens, I realize it is MY problem, not the folks here. I leave, and I don't come back, sometimes for several days until I'm over it. I wish others would do the same. I get enough grief from people already, as I'm sure most of us do.
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    That it happens often enough that it has to be mentioned. I am tired of it and I think others are too. Shirl and I have had to remove threads, which might have been helpful to some, because of this very issue.

    I really appreciate everyone's help in keeping this a friendly place of goodwill. Thank you.

    Love, Mikie
  5. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    I hope I didn't contribute to the "argument" that you are speaking of. I realize you were sharing the article and it was a good one. One thing I learned in communication class is that our cultures and experiences definately affect what we hear and how we react. It's always a good thing to take a deep breath and think before we respond...Better yet the good ole..."this is what I think your saying, am I understanding you correctly?" never gets us in a jam. My apologies if I "fanned the fire" in anyway.

  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    No, you didn't fan anything and I appreciated your comments. Unfortunately, we've just had a lot of the problem I have described here lately and I wanted to remind everyone to stop before taking issue with posts to ensure that the original post is understood.

    You and I must have taken the same class. You are right; it never hurts to get a clarification if one isn't sure what was actually said or intended. Thanks for your input.

    I just deleted the whole thread because of an arguementative response and it just isn't worth it. Unfortunately, there might have been some who would have liked to have read about this uplifting woman and her work and instead, it became a point of arguement. Who would have though this would turn out to be so controversial. Everyone loses when this happens.

    Love, Mikie
  7. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    i remember way back when the Internet and communicating via it, was new.
    There were a lot of problems with people doing the "knee jerk" reaction and flaming galore. Happened in all the newsgroups, etc.
    That's when I think they came out with the little faces,
    So people could understand better what was really being said using the written word.
    It is so much easier to talk to someone in person because we can see their faces and expressions.
    I also remember a lot of suggestions about not responding immediatly <SP?> to posts that upset someone because they wouldn't be able to "take it back" later.
    so it's bound to happen here too. This is just a tough way to communicate, especially on some very serious subjects.
  8. bitter-sweet

    bitter-sweet New Member

    Amen!! We are not here to tear each other up, but to support one another. Yes, we will all have our opinions, and those are formed based on many different things. We don't need to debate issues and end up in a spitting match. What good will that do anyone? If something does upset you, take a break away from it and respond later. By then you will have cooled down, and the response won't be so negative if you have chosen to even respond after all. Let us lift each other up. God Bless you all.
  9. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    I'm glad that this has been addressed. dolsgirl
  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It is good to see so many who are expressing a desire for a calm and comforting place to come to. I really appreciate it and will do my best to see that our board stays supportive and not divisive.

    Love, Mikie
  11. little

    little Member

    I agree with what has been said here. I don't post much because of this very reason. I have said before that I have a hard time getting the words from my head down on paper. It takes me a long time to post.Sometimes my computer kicks it off before I am done and it is lost. I am to tired to redo it. It seems like when I post and someone answers it in such a way, that I don't understand why that answer. My post didn't warrant that kind of mean answer. People should reread it before they post to it. We are very sensative and don't need unkind answers. Thanks again Mikie. Gail