Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Jul 25, 2006.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member


    My son had his mediation today and your not going to believe what happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The mediator basically let her( mom of Cohen)get away with murder!
    Iam going to post the things that were said about me and my family and documented by her for the judge!

    She has a lawyer and my son does not............he was going to retain one but he cannot afford the retainer fee's so this is going to be ugly Iam afraid for us!

    She first of all in her letter to the court she repeatedly mentions hwo my son neglected her during her pregnancy and had nothing to do with the baby until now and she does not understand why now he wants to see him and be in his life!

    PLEASE remember the exact day my son got the paternity test back he went to the court and filled out all paperwork for his child support and taking responsibility for his son!

    He also picked up his packet of papers for filing for joint custody .................

    So my point is that when he did get proof that little Cohen was indeed his, he immediately stepped up to the plate to take his responisbility( that very day)

    I feel as many of you do that for him to put himself out there and take responsiblilty before he knew for sure the baby was his,would have not only been irresponsible but could have caused a lot of heartache for both him and Cohen should he not have been his son! goes with what she says in "quotes" to her statement,to the courts.( Oh by the way she has a lawyer and this is going to court she refuses to agree with anything!

    So here goes:

    "I also do not want Cohen to be left at( she puts my name here) house because of the following reasons:( my name here) has fibromyalgia which can be brought on by stress, depression, anxiety, and lack of sleep.

    She has been prescribed vicodin and she has to take migraine medication because she gets severe migrains. Also her younger son ( his name here) has also a disorder called aspergers syndrome which is a form of autism, and i don't feel safe with Cohen in his presence.

    There was an incident last christmas where here younger son didn't get what he wanted and got very upset. He gets jealous and and if Cohen is in his presence and he gets jealous because of the a
    attention Cohen is getting I don't know if he may harm Cohen or not!

    It would be too long to put THREE pages of trashing and bashing that she has written on these papers of defaming my and my families characters!

    But she basically has said she does not want Cohen in our home and feels it is unfit because we are all dysfunctional because of our illnesses, and / or are imperfections!

    I really really need everyones support here.........I not only feel like Iam being attacked here but somehow feel like the fact that I have an incurable disease is being attacked!

    I can't help it if I have an illness
    and have to be rx'd medications.................I think those of you who know me .........KNOW very well that I would never ever do anything to hurt little Cohen if Iam on or not on any of my medications!

    Nor would any of my family members ever harm a hair on his body either!

    I am shocked that they have stooped this low! That they are this attack my character and each one of my families characters as well!

    My son gets only to have Cohen twice a week ( supervised ) for two hours and she wants to say who can supervised and she says it absolutely cannot be me!

    Iam sorry this is so long I just need you all right now.........

  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Based on everything you have said before about the mother and her mother, I am not surprised. Doxy, when someone hires an attorney it becomes a game and they will use every trick in the book to get things their way. No,it is not fair.

    I am sorry, but you now see our legal system. If this woman has enough money, she will keep your son in court and give him trouble forever.

    You opened up to them and told them things about yourself - just being "down to earth". They used that information against you, and believe me, it is the attorney advising them.

    This is very unfortunate and I am sorry for you. It looks like they are specifically trying to prevent you from seeing the baby. Why would they do this? I know you were always nice to them.

    Will they allow you to come over and visit him "with supervision?" or are they just letting your son see him?

    I have a very good friend who is a mediation judge. I am not saying he can do anything, but I would be curious to ask his opinion.
  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I would want to know if it would be in the "child's best interest" to loose contact with his grandmother because she has a neurological pain condition- because that's what FM is!
  4. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Mayline you are correct! "Yes" she is indeed all about herself and her mom! She was abandonded by her own father.........I'm thinking maybe perhaps because of this exact behavior that he did abandon both the mother and the daughter!

    She is absolutely a wreck because my son didn't marry her!
    That is what she is making this about doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out they are thinking ONLY of themselves and NOTHING of Cohen!

    PVLady...........You are right too.....they are using and "twisiting" everything I have discussed with them........

    However I have NO regrets at all ...I was always "MYSELF"

    They are the one's who "should" hang their heads in shame for doing this for their own personal gain!

    No person on this earth is "perfect" and they are certainly no exception!

    The thing that really uosets me is that "HER" mom ( the other grandmother ) "IS" the one who should NOT be allowed to be caring for Cohen ! With her abuse she inflicts on her two year old grandson!

    AND..............Iam the one who "SHOULD" be reporting "HER" to CPS! But I didn't want to start a war..........but looks like they did!

    Thank you for being here for son is so upset and is questioning if he should just give up trying...............with people like this you just will never win! And without proper counsel I don't think we have a leg to stand on!

    Soooooooooooo very sad!
  5. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I did indeed go to see a lawyer ......and she did say that she would report the abuse and transcribe the "AWFUL" and abusive message the other grandmother left me the day they found outmy son was trying to get his rights to his son! son just doesn't have the money for a lawyer...........

    like I mentioned before we offered to help him....but he just can't afford it right now..........he has to pay almost 1000.00 for his child support alone by end of this month!

    He was ordered to pay for the two months before he even had paternity even though he wants more than anything to be with his son..............Iam afraid because of the almighty dollar or I should say lack of we will lose here!

    Thanks for writing!

  6. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    If you do find out anything that you feel is important or helpful from your friend please let me know!

    Thank you for caring!:)

  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    does your son's county he lives in or i should say where the family law case of cohen's child support have a self help center.? we have one hear in marin county..and what it is a non-profit that helps people w/all kinds of legal problems get them the papers to file divorce, family law many things to list...

    but they have paralegals and attorneys on staff for free help..they do ask for a donation but it is not mandatory...

    we also have a non profit attorney's office for low-income to help w/child support and family law is not legal aid from the county....

    real attorneys based on a sliding scale...

    has he talked to the mediator? when my exhb to-be did our child mediation stuff here in marin county...we had to meet three times w/county fee...
    that is to try to get the two parents to reach an agreement...

    no others allowed in room not even attorney's....

    then the last resort is to get the family law judge involved...then the parents meet the judge...which is where we ended up...the s-t-X-hb had some dumb attorney...

    you wouldn't believe the mud that was slung in my court appearance w/the family law judge....

    he pulled out pics of my car parked outside of a bar and grill sports bar....which the laundrymat is there and the post storre...he said he followed me to there and i bring my son there all of the got nasty...
    judge told him if he ever ever does that again he will not see the outside of a jail room....for stalking...

    i had reported this immediately at the time....when this occurred...i had witnesses saying some big guy....they didn't know my ex was walking around taking pics...and his silly little gf was in our truck with him as well...


    hang in there...

    that may be normal for young babies to be with thefatherr so many hours etc///....they may even say he needs to have parenting

    your son could ask the mom if he would like them to have full custody and he will sign off al parental rights and she will not get any child support...

    maybe that isn't good advice...

    but doxy i have dealt with the end of not recieiving childs upport for three full years no $$$...sdi ran out..i had to use up my savings...i had to sale my 69 mach 1 mustang...still mad about that one...bitter actually...

    she is darn lucky your son is paying a is so simple in this county of california to get away with not paying and eluding the other parent..but they still have to allow visitations w/the noncustodial parent...period....
    wether he/she is paying or not...

    he will be denied a passport...all the other things...but rarely will they ever go after much...

    he could make it so that he gets to claim cohen for exemption as well...i did that volunatritly...since i didn't need to file taxes...

    doxy for this mess///i do not have enough time to right my book on my experience...

    i know there are places in our county where parents that are acting like this go to and then they have to pay like 33.00 an hr to visit w/thier kid...

    these people are being so unreasonable...

    if i was your son...i would request that in writing all child exchanges will be taken place in the lobby of the local police station..

    i know i have told you that before...and some people that that was going to be detrimental to the child...

    doxy it happens all the time...and it is there to protect cohen, yourself, and your have witnesses...

    until theys can simmer down...and she and the granny from hell....can grow up.....move on w/their lives...and let cohen have a father in his life...

    stay in touch...


  8. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    My son is a little confused!I just can't blame him at all, it is also VERY hurtful to listen to them defame my character! he even at one point said to her ( cohens mom ) " My mom hasn't done NOTHING to you"!!!!!!!!!!! and she even admitted "I know she hasn't"!

    Also ...............he has seen how hard I have done everything I can to make this work between us all! I HAVE WORKED AND WORKED FOR SEVEN LONG MONTHS!

    I have always thought that things would be so much easier if we could all get along...........and it is the truth things would be easier and better for Cohen if it were pleasant..............

    For right now Iam TIRED of trying............ I don't know what more I can possible do ...Iam a genuinely GOOD person!

    There is NO winning here with these kind of people they will take anything bad, good or otherwise and twist it to their advantage and people like that are just looking for trouble! PERIOD!

    I have made several phone calls to people I know well,.........
    I have explained to them what is being said about my character and all of them have without hesitation, said they would write letters to the court validating my TRUE character!

    These people include previous employeers, my counselor that has known me for 8 years, my last boss( who is now a god friend), my general physician, my last office manager, my friends that have known me for over 32 years ( 4 of them) and my bosses wife who has let me take her kids for a fun day at the movies and or chucky cheeses etc, and she says she trust me 101% with her kids, and she is VERY picky with who her kids are around!

    I feel like Iam defending myself here....and honestly their is absolutely NO reason for me to have to!

    I hope that my son doesn't give up...and I don't really think he wants to either.

    I think he just feels like he may have to, because he can't fight her lawyer without a lawyer for himself!

    I will keep you posted............

    "Oh I did just talk to my son and he told me that she did agree to bringing the baby to my work for 2 hours twice a week, and dropping him now Iam confused .....she doesn't want Cohen near me or my family, but I have to be there when he is with my son for the two hours?????????????

    They still have to go to court and she is still trying to get trying to get joint legal and sole physical custody! In other words she wants child support without letting me or my son see his son!!

  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    it is a very emotionally draining to go through all of this,,,,

    hopefully the little mother will come to her senses about things....

    and the more she let's the coniving attorney throw mud around the more money the attorney gets...evidentailly she has a lot of money to waste...when she could be using it for cohen for basic needs of life....

    i know you have worked very hard for your son, cohen and his grandparents....

    please encourage your son to not to give up...i feel for your honest son....

    i wouldn't have expected your son to do it anyother way...wait for paternity tests...period...thank goodness he had the sense of doing that....

    the state of california does not like to keep these innocent children away from their parents....

    trust me i was told i needed more than one dui on my husband's record....and i needed more than an incident of him being reprimanded in a captains mass. of him playing a practical joke and leaving a note that said, "you;re next" w/a knife stabbed through the letter into the mattress on the ships rack...a co-workers bed...the co-worker thought someone was after him to kill him...

    i could not do a thing about his bad thoughts of self infliction of harm to himself...due to hime being bipolar...i could not keep my son out of his father;s environment of living w/gf that is a stripper...infact i could give you a website of her nude...but i will not....

    i was told until he basically does this and it is documented more there wasn't a darn thing i could do...

    a mother in san diego area...kept telling the judge i do not want to send my three children up to her children's father;s home for he was bipolar, unemployed and had talked about the worse thing possible...

    well a couple of years ago sent them by judges order for thanksgiving....and the father took all of their lives and his own...

    i am telling you and your son there is a game being played right now...she wants to break him...the attorney wants to get paid more money...

    and the only winner here is the attorney period...$$$$

    he will get his visitations with cohen...tell him i do not want him to give up on this baby....

    your son is the biggest influence on cohen...even dr. phil says so...

    right now your son is being a man. a father and he will continue to do so...


  10. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    See if there is someone that will assist your son with this case. Document everthing that was said to day. Document every phjone call that is made to her or from her even if that means taping the phone converstations so that when she goes back and says that I know your mom would never harm the baby you have it all on tape.

    Get statments from people who know this girl . Watch and see how she takes care of this baby. And ask the medeator to pleace check on how she spends the money that your son is paying for child support. What does he do for a living? Here in Utah the child support is split. Accounding to what your son makes in a year. This $1,000.00 is really HIGH , IS she going to spend the money on the baby? Or her self.?

    With that kind of money she needs to have it accounted for. See if sicne he can't see the baby with out supervision then check in with child protevtive services and see if there is a way to make sure that she is usuing the child support money for the support of the child NOt for her to buy nnew clothes.

    Child suuport can be used for Rent, food , clothes,{ for the baby NOT HER. She should not be able to go and buy a new car with this money as that is not what the money is for. Check out what can be done to watch how she is spending the child support money.

    Make sure that all converations with her are sweet kind and respectfull, NO name calling, so getting upset at the mean things she says, but it she is constantly saying cruel things tape record the converation as it is bad for the baby to hear nasty things aboaut his daddy even though he is still a baby.

    Watch what you say , your son says keep it all nice and kind. But watch what she does at all times.
    GEt a doctors repot about your condition and what your meds do for you.

    And that you will and do keep all your med locked up at all times. Find out all you can about your sons condition and get a MD to write a letter to the judge discribing his condition and saying how he would react to a baby there at his home.

    Don't let her walk all over you. I Know of some lawyers who will take on a case like this for the daddy for free. It can't hurt to ask and see what they can do. Give them all the facts and all the transcripts of the hearings. REquest all the transcripts from his hearings. Make sure that you have all the info that you need.

    Does she have family that drinks alochol, could be a alochlic, do they smoke that is indangering the baby, AS there if proof if babies and young children who are reaised in a home where a parent smokes the babies , children are more sustable to RSV, to respitory infections, ear infections , upper resportiory infections.

    Does she do drugs , take them for pain? or for what ever reason. But when you are doing this make sure that you are truthfull and accurte with all the things you are saying about her and the way she treats the baby.

    REmember tow can play at this game and this is what she is making it a game, not what is in the best intererst of this baby. Make sure that some one knows this. Let theem know that she lied about things today.

    I don't know if I have helped you or not. OR just made you angryer at her. But I only mean the best. But do keep all records of the calls she makes and he makes, make copies of the child support checks and see if you can send them to the court so she has to pick it up and sign for it.

    I wish you the best. And I will be praying for you. And your son and grandson.

  11. natrlvr2

    natrlvr2 New Member

    when I was being divorced,my ex was making stuff up to get custody/placement of our son.The one thing he kept stressing was ,was that I am on meds. and I am unfit and that I was getting double meds.(like my insurance and pharmacy would allow that,LOL)
    I did have a lawyer but he was useless. I ran my butt off finding EVERYTHING that would prove I was fit.Was not hard to do but I was close to insane over the thoguht of losing my son,I had been the stay at home mom his entire life,4 yrs. at the time.
    The thing is,at the time,I was 3 yrs. into my fight for disability.I was too ill to work fulltime,but good enough to be a mom.ALL my strength and energy went to taking care of my son.Luckily the judge saw the truth and I got placement.
  12. onlythestrong

    onlythestrong New Member

    They are just using the baby as a pawn to put you all through hell.
    Don't give up!!!!Fight, if she keep pulling this crap I would enter a judgement against her for deformation of caricature.(I believe that's what it's called)
    This is a bunch of crap,but Doxy you have to be really strong right now.
    Our thoughts are with you
    [This Message was Edited on 07/26/2006]
  13. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    First calm down. Look up in your phone book for a disability's lawyer and call to explain your problem. Most first time visits are free and Telephone calls he can tell you where to get help.

    There are a lot of people who have Illnesses and the courts work it out. Call Social Services and ask for help, get a different councilor for your son.

    I think her bitterness and control are showing threw. Tell your Son to stay calm and follow the courts orders. This is just a test nothing in cement.

    You all be the level headed family. Do not be pulled into a fight .Just state your sons desire to be as equally of a parent as she is .

    Tell the courts you deal with a child with special needs everyday (state his age) and things have been fine. Tell him no one has even questioned your ability until now.

    They are looking for a fight don't give them one. State facts be compassionate and do not go into long debates .

    Hes the child's parent ,he wants to be a parent she can not take that away from him .The time she could have done that was with better birth control before he was put into this situation.

    Grandparents have rights to see if they have a chapter in your city and call them for advice or google it and find help.

    Things will work out .Just remember if the fighting starts now that poor Child will be drug threw it for years ,thats not fair. Always walk the high ground the courts will notice whos causeing problems.

    Do check into getting a court-appointed advocate for Cohen
    This woul be Great if your son request this it shows he wants what is best for his child.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/26/2006]
  14. jole

    jole Member

    Haven't posted to you before, but have kept up with your dilema. Just want to say first of all, I am praying that things work out well for you, your son and little Cohen.

    You have been given lots of good advice on the matter, and I won't give any except to tell your son to continue to follow his heart and stay strong. The same thing happened to my nephew. He too had very little visitation time with his son, but every minute of it was the best time ever. The mother was very vindictive - not to mention totally spoiled and self centered, and children pick up on that at an early age.

    BUT... the mother of his son has now married and is pregnant again. Her husband did not want kids yet, and I honestly think he (her new husband)is going to want less time with the step child and more with his own, so we're all hoping my nephew will soon have more (maybe much more) time with his son.

    You never know what the future will bring, and although things may seem devistating at the time, it may still work out down the road for the best of all.

    Praying for the best -
  15. jole

    jole Member

    Haven't posted to you before, but have kept up with your dilema. Just want to say first of all, I am praying that things work out well for you, your son and little Cohen.

    You have been given lots of good advice on the matter, and I won't give any except to tell your son to continue to follow his heart and stay strong. The same thing happened to my nephew. He too had very little visitation time with his son, but every minute of it was the best time ever. The mother was very vindictive - not to mention totally spoiled and self centered, and children pick up on that at an early age.

    BUT... the mother of his son has now married and is pregnant again. Her husband did not want kids yet, and I honestly think he (her new husband)is going to want less time with the step child and more with his own, so we're all hoping my nephew will soon have more (maybe much more) time with his son.

    You never know what the future will bring, and although things may seem devistating at the time, it may still work out down the road for the best of all.

    Praying for the best -
  16. laura81655

    laura81655 New Member

    I'm so sorry Doxy about all of this. The thing is, the mother and grandmother are not thinking about what is best for Cohen. He needs his father, you, and your family regardless of all of our imperfections. What makes it so sad is tht COHEN is the one who will suffer the most, they are not thinking about HIS needs, selfish people.

  17. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    child advocate for the representation in our county here in marin california...

  18. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I thought she would do this. She is extremely manipulative, if she cannot have your son then your son is not going to have the baby. This is the ace in the hole, and your son has to rise above it. The best thing to do right now is just play along, have the visits and after a month, ask for increases etc. Also, the court is supposed to appoint the supervisior, not her. In fact, it would be in your son's best interest to actually ASK that the visits be at Family Childrens visit room so that he can get plenty of back up as to his behavior being great etc. This way, too, if she is l;ate showing up or fails to show up Family Childrens can document it.


    As the mother of an autistic child I am outraged that she would say this about your son. How bloody well DARE she! That alone says a lot about her how low she will stoop.

    Look, hang onto the two hours a week but start to query why it should be supervised. File separately for grandparent rights. Presidents are taking viocodine, does she figure they therefore cannot run the country? I would also write in about the mediation and request a supervisor to talk with your son/yourself about the seeming lack of parity as that should not be happening and you have the right to speak up about it.

    Meantime, you need to start building up some documentation about her and her family, not hearsay, but proof of what goes on over there. Then you need to let Family Childrens have that proof. Just hold your cards close to the chest and let this gal get so much rope she will hang herself with it, and she will!

    No matter how mean and spiteful she is about you(because she knows yu see right through her is why)rise above that, continue to be polite and always above board. Don't give her any ammunition at all. You know, what goes around comes around. I can almost foresee the future. The novelty will wear off. She will take up with some drug head. She will fall out wiht her mom. The writing is on the wall. It always happens this way. Meantime, do what you did before. Write a little note saying you are sorry she does not like you, you thought she did, that you were friends, and say no matter what, I will always be here as a grandparent, and maybe she can see the plusses about that.

    Use psychological pressure here, not anger.

    I am really sorry for you all. Please DO request a meeting with the supervisor which is your right. But when you get it, be exemplary, polite, formal, no anger.

    Pray. For good.

    Love Anne Cromwell
  19. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    I have no personal experince with what is happening to you but I want to offer encouragement.

    Your son must get a lawyer. Life isn't fair and the justice system fails us on many occasions.

    The only thing that I can think of that other's have not said is that they can not discriminate against you because you are disabled and have to take medication for your disability. Your son is also disabled and if he has never shown violence it should be a non issue. I believe they are "blowing smoke" on that issue. Because you are disable you have special rights.

    Think of how many mothers are sick with migraines, disc problems, etc. and have to take narcotic meds and they retain the rights to their children.
    I just wanted to add that to what the others have said to you. It was dirty but a I think a decent lawyer could turn there accusations around for you.

    Best of luck. That grand baby needs you and your son.


  20. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    I am so sorry! I can't believe it. You have my prayers and sympathies. Your son needs to get a lawyer, maybe a pro bono one if you can find. Is it possible to appeal this??

    As for what that b****said about Asperger's and not "feeling safe" my Aspie has THREE families that she babysits for, she took a course at the hospital for babysitting, she has sat for infants up through 12 years old and the families rave about her, so that IS JUST B.S. Those people need to get educated.

    My goodness, none of us is perfect. I'll bet they have some skeletons in their closet as well. The absolute nerve. I'd have another go at them and really dish the dirt.

    Praying for you.


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