PLEASE tell me what you think!

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by lilaclover30, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    Be honest with yourselves and me, please!!!!

    For the past six years or so, one of the persons in our coffee group has taken a definate dislike of me. She has been a friend for 30 yrs. or so and I can not find what the awful thing thing that I did was to make her feel so much hatred toward me.

    There are many left of the original group - some have gone on to Heaven as did my own sweetheart! She has influenced other against me also. I just cry to find out what is the matter. my pastor, how is her dear friend, is no help. I went to her and she said that she couldn't find anything that was wrong! Just defending her friend.

    i also know that right now my age -79 In Oct. has somegthing to do with it. And-----FMS - she has never believed in it. i asked once in a shop and she just screamed at me - don't know even what she said.

    I feel so lonely - I have lost all of the wonderful friends that i once had. My neighbor across the street is being so kind to me and took me out to eat last eve.

    But, I spoke to D recently and told her how I used to go visit an older neighbor when I was little - I got to pump the organ, go to the basement for an apple, clean out cupboards for her, etc. She was a friend.

    Later after we got married and moved to this home, after supper I would go over to visit the widow lady next door and sit on the swing with her and visit and visit. She was a friend.

    i would also go across the street to visit a Sr. couple who sang in the choir with me. I would visit and visit with them. They were friends. i was informed that people don't do that anymore!!!! I asked why!!!!!!!!! No answer. Can you tell me why? Pleaseeeee! Why are Srs. put on a "no friendship list"? It just breaks my heart. I want to say - "Just remember this when you get5 to be a Sr. and hurt and are alone. My sons are better to chat with than D. Bless them. And my granddaughters are so very loving and will write on FB.

    I have decided over and over not to go to coffee each week but weaken and go. All conversation is turned away from me and I don't know what is wrong with me. I cry over it. I get sarcastic remarks. of course, not hearing well, the get indignant if asked to repeat!

    I have thought of everything under the sun that I might have said or done. Nothing comes to mind!!

    Thank you for letting me whine. Being alone now doesn't help anything. Yet, DH defended her to his utmost. "That's just her!!!" She is the "leader of the pack" you might say and has influenced several other in her age bracket late 50's - mid-sixties.

    I am too tired mentally to go on and I guess i have said enouigh.

    Please say a little prayer that I might accept this women and her hatred. The thing is, I don'gt hate her at all-----I am just hurt.

    Thank you to the best friends I have,

    Remember, the truth,,

    Joan

  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Let me speak honestly and lovingly. My Dad will be 92 soon and has hearing problems and although he has the money for hearing aids, has refused to get them for years. People don't want to talk to him because they have to speak up loud for him to hear them. He doesn't appreciate that some people want to speak quietly and enjoy a quiet and relaxing conversation. Having a conversation with Dad is exhausting and he needs to get those hearing aids.

    Also, people with ailments can end up turning group conversations to them and their woes. Try talking to these women about things other than your medical conditions, how hard it was to do things today, etc. and talk about the beautiful day, how you would like to go to the local museum or botanical gardens, etc. or talk about a great show you saw on TV. I think when we turn the conversation away from ourselves, it can make the conversations feel lighter and brighter.

    Cesar the cat just came up here on the desk and him and I will pray together that you receive some guidance on this situation and how best to proceed.

    I almost forgot--compliment them on their pretty blouse or hat, etc. It makes someone feel good that another person notices they wore that pretty dress, or pretty hat, etc. Good luck.

    [This Message was Edited on 09/11/2009]
  3. jole

    jole Member

    Honestly, I think this world has just changed so much....people don't care like they use to. They also don't respect others like they use to..especially the older people. Our grandparents were a big part of the community years ago, and had value.

    A lot of the organizations that used to exist don't anymore...even at churches. There were sewing clubs, quilting clubs, etc. that got together and made items for raffles or poor families. People got together to can garden vegetables, etc. There was a "purpose" and a sense of fulfillment. Age didn't matter, women worked together in my mother's time.

    Now, we (the older generation) seem to be "good" only when someone wants something...free babysitting, usually...lol.. Even 10-15 years in age makes a big difference these days. People who are healthy and in their 50-60s are busy and social, with lots of friends, so they can pick and choose who to be kind to (yes, sad isn't it?).

    If your "friend" won't admit to their being a problem, perhaps she's just too involved with her life to actually "see" that there is one.

    But....my hubby is also very hard of hearing, and I see people tend to not talk to him also when in a group, because he doesn't hear them and doesn't answer back. It's not his fault, and not their fault..it just is. He's tried hearing aids and they won't work for him because of the damage done to his ears. BTW, they are extremely expensive for a good pair....these were $4,000 per ear! Thank goodness he had a 30-day trial period at no cost!

    So I think it's probably a combination of things...the times, perhaps your hearing, and simply selfish people. Yes, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you can see your way through this. Just remember, we love you here just the way you are, and so does Jesus!

    ....For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearances, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 Love ya.....Jole
  4. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    Sorry to hear of this situation..

    I have in my lifetime been taken a dislike to a couple of times for no reason at all.
    At school, at work. Which was mystifying because i was such a quiet scared
    child and young adult. I could sense jealousy later on. For what> I dont know
    one of those quirks of human nature. I myself have taken an instant dislike to
    certain people...sometimes the way they came off, too opiniated, too self centred.,
    pushy..thoe kinds of persons turned me off the minute i came within their airspace.
    But i never did actively show it or be mean.

    Can you phone or have a one on one meeting with this ring leader person and
    directly ask her if there was anything you did to upset her? or could you
    ask the other ladies one of them if they know why this lady is mad at you?

    If there is no plausible reason, then i dont think its worth going and joining
    them...dont seem like very nice people. Maybe you could find another support
    group, maybe your children could help you locate one. You do have a good
    support network of family...can it be they are jealous of that?

    I hope it all works out well

    God Bless
  5. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    I did try one time to talk to the main one ----she just screamed at me and burst out crying! I do think one reason also is the FMS -----I never say that I don't feel good, am tired, etc.
    Several just don't believe in it.

    And, this one particular gal is now the "head" of everything. She is a wonderful artist and designer of things in the church - very artistic. I have told her over and over and written a note to her telling her so. Bt she now knows that "she" is the talented one, she designs and does it all. It makes a difference when you begin tyo feel better than everyone else, doesn't it? I wouldn't know .

    thank you, Jole, you are a truely sweet person. I know that you are all my dear friends and I don't feel alone because of it.

    Tonight was a big night in our town, the annual Fish fry. #1 son and his wife and and brought me a big, big flat screen for the comp. Wonderful. they took me tio Fish Fry but had to leave because of 2 hr. trip home. And I sat alone. One very precious friend, - and she is the age of my son!~~~!!! sat by me off and on - so dear. and, she has FMS~!!!! She understands.

    Age does make a different in these days. Andf yes, no one likes to repeat things. One of the things I learned at the Audio Dr. is the ask them speak directly to you. If in a group, they can't and won't!!

    Thank you for your honesty - your caring and loving words and all that you repre4sent --those who have been and are ill and realize what all the means.

    oh yes, my pastor is one of her buddies. I went to her once and asked her if she had any idea what I might have done! "Well, I have never seen her act anything like that. She likes you!!!'

    Joan
  6. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Jole brought out alot of points that I would also have brought up. She also mentioned that some people are just plain selfish and mean. The one that you said is so talented may be one of those people. She may not necessarily be MEAN but just very self centered.

    Yes, also as Jole said this is a very different time and that is too very sad. I almost don't know what else to say about that. However, it is true. All I can say with that group is keep trying to do what someone else said, mention some fun and compleioemntary things other than how you are feeling. Yes, I know. I always feel like - - - -. Fill in the blanks how ever you wish. If that doesn't work you might also want to try making new friends. I know that is hard. I hope that some of the people in your group are still friendly cause if they weren't I think I would quit going if it kept dragging me down. Thewse DD's are depressing in themselves.

    Just remember Joan that you are a very loving and wonderul people and we love you here. If people say mean things I just wouldnt't take it anymore. I know you do not want to leave your group. it would depend on how friendly the rest of them were not causing any problems. Can you and a few of the other gals in the coffe group, that you have coffew with, go and do something fun without this grumpy puss you are talking about.

    However, she may be like one of my old supposed friends from before, she may really lose it if she finds out you did somthing with out her, if any of the others go with you. Maybe you could ask the other gals to take an oath of secrecy :) !! LOL This x friend would blow a gasket if not asked to be with other people in my group or out to dinner with DH. She and her husband were both trouble makers they both go to our church and they have caused lots of problems. We no longer see them socially at all.

    Just an idea sweetie ! We love you my dear and you are a loving person and don't forget that.

    Love,
    Granni
  7. soulight

    soulight New Member

    This is a hard one. I have read through this post several times and I have been to upset to write anything because I went through a similar situation when I sang on a praise team for 5 years. One lady simply didn't like me. She was the "queen" and I was , well , invisible.

    The worship leader was on my side and said that I hadn't done anything wrong but he was a wimp and didn't do anything to help me.

    So , I went to the Lord with it. He was all that I had to make it through. I decided that since I was there for HIM and nobody else, that I would sing for HIM and let the queen be the queen. The Lord blessed me with a Peace and Love that I still am in awe about. People said later that when they saw me up there singing "they new that there was at least one real and true Christian on the Praise Team " That was from the Lord and I was so blessed.

    Oh , I also learned that no matter what , if I live for Him first, everything else will fall in place. It may not be easy , but it is always worth it. Oh , also I prayed for the queen. She didn't change , but the Worship Leader did! When I left the group to move to a different state, I heard from a friend that the queen started in on someone else and he stood up for her ! Praise God.

    I found out later that the queen had said that I had the voice to sing on the worship team , but that I was too heavy and didn't look " like a person on a worship team should" God bless her poor shallow soul.She later developed a thyroid condition and gained tons of weight. No , she did not leave the worship team. Maybe God touched her too. I sincerely hope so . We are all sinners who need to always be touched by His Grace.

    Praying for you Joan! I have been there and the Lord will make a way.
    Holly
    [This Message was Edited on 09/13/2009]
  8. Thee Ox

    Thee Ox New Member

    I agree wit the person who said no one respects people nowadays.

    Look...go up to her, tell her yer side, ask her what's wrong, and take it from there.
    Keep standing on The High Ground like Jesus did and you'll be just fine.
    And remember...you have many more true friends than just her, ya know?
    If I was near you, I'd be yer friend for sure.

    Thee
  9. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I felt so bad reading your post. Especially since this is a church group. I am So. Baptist, and have been for many years. I have always thought they were very wrong separating people according to age. Not the children groups, teen groups or the singles groups, but just adults.

    It has always made sense to me that the 'older' people should teach the younger peope, they have the experience, where younger people teaching the younger is like the blind leading the blind!

    It isn't you that has the problem, but the lady that is in her 50's that is so discriminating against you. She is the one who needs prayer. She no doubt does not even think that not too long from now she will be your age! She would not like it if the situations were reverse.

    Whoever said that 'times has changed' is so right. We always respected people older than ourselves. My grandfather had a hearing problem, and no one complained about it, we simply got close to him and spoke louder! I have a cousin that is my best friend and she has had problems hearing since she was a small child. To tell you the truth, I totally forget she has this problem (I do have a loud voice, so most people have no problem hearing me!).

    I will be praying for both of you. If the Lord wants to move you or her out of this group, than so be it. He may have something better for you to do, and kinder, more loving people for you to meet for friends.

    It is wonderful to hear your children and grandchildren are so wonderful to you, a lot of people do not have family that is interested in them when they can't do the things they used to do for them. Be very thankful for them.

    Also you said that she is very talented, well keep in mind the Lord said; 'the first will be last and the last will be first'..............................

    God bless you, and I will be praying for you and this woman.


    Shalom, Shirl
  10. poetrist

    poetrist Member

    Dear Joan,

    I sense that your old friends and you are growing away from each other and sometimes when this happens, feelings get hurt. In your prayers ask for the highest and best for you and those who were once in your main communication and ask the angels to take you to new friends and a new path. You will find comfort to know that there are people who would love and will love to be your friend.

    have peace,

    poetrist