poem: If I Could Sleep

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Shannonsparkles, May 17, 2006.

  1. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    If I Could Sleep

    Stay, stay, sweet light
    A little longer
    I’m not finished with
    These motions in
    My fingerbones
    And the rattle of the cars
    The daybirds
    Or
    The way each leaf
    Turns on itself again, again
    In prevailing winds -
    Let the day stay.

    Quiet solitude of clouds
    Deep and rich as an oboe’s tongue
    Will these too disappear
    In the miasma of the dark?
    Pink shell
    The sky
    Black leaves
    And I
    Dark houses
    Backs facing me
    Desertion into night.

    If I could sleep
    I would dream
    Of the daytime.
  2. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT! BRILLIANT! The images are wonderful. I think this is your best yet. I would send it out if I were you.

    I wrote to you with the names of some poetry mags. that I found in my files, but could never connect with you. I'll bump it up again.

    I REALLY enjoyed this poem!
  3. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    I'm glad you liked it. :)

    Thanks for the magazines. I keep on writing, and I'd love to take a try at getting something in print. I just haven't been able to find a place so far. A writing book mentioned "literary magazines", and I thought, "Okaaaaayyy, which ones?" lol

    I'll search for your post. Thank you!
    Do you have some suggestions for how I could improve it? It seems a little clumsy to me.
    ((( ))) Shannon
  4. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    It seems the best crafted to me. Which parts seem clumsy to you?

    ((Hugs))