Poll: How do you divide the chores now that you are sick?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ilovepink4, Mar 12, 2006.

  1. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I am curious how other people's spouses and partners have reacted to your dx regarding chores, cooking parenting?

    My husband cooks most nights (we have 4 kids). He doesn't do any cleaning except for dishes. I still do all the laundry (daughter-15 does her own). He gets groceries. I used to...still do sometimes...He took over his ironing...He does the yardwork....He drives the kids to school and picks them up when it works into his schedule...He is the superintendent for the school district so he has some flexibility in his workday....I buy the kids clothing and supplies for school or whatever....i am in charge of the kids schedules...get them up in the morning (my boys need to be prodded every step of the way lol!!!!)pack the boys backpacks for school...pack snacks...do all the doc, dentist, eye doc etc....call hubby to find out if he is picking kids up or if i am...i have to do this everyday or he just spaces them out at 3:00....weird...

    what is it like at your houses?
  2. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    My hubby does all the errands and the cooking, puts the dishes in the dishwasher and runs it and unloads it. I do the laundry, make the bed up every single day.

    I have grown sons and one lives here, but I do his laundry because I have an old dryer and don't want to wear it out yet. We hope to get a new one some time this year.

    I'm 56 years old, so I don't think I'd do too well with small kids. I just don't have the energy to deal with them. I don't have any grandkids yet. My other son will be getting married on 4/2.

    I remember it well though, but I didn't have FMS until 1995, so my sons were in high school then.

    Hugs,
    Faye
    I'm really too tired to do much...
  3. day2day

    day2day Member

    I have set a routine with my 8 year old, night before school, he picks out clothes and shows them to me, he then packs his snack and drink in back pack, anything else he needs for school in morning is done by him night before.

    When son comes home from school his routine is as follows, epi pen goes on back pack, so he does not forget it. He washes hands, gets a snack or sandwich, then he does his home work, I check it over and it goes directly in backpack.

    Was very difficult in the beginning but now we stick to this pretty much. Sept is always a pita cause we have to get re-adjusted to the routine. Also as far as getting moving in the morning, he likes to have 10 mins. in the morning before we get going to snuggle up with mommy in my bed ( I love that too I must admit).

    Sometimes he tries to pull the " I'm too tired to go to school" routine, nipped that in the bud by telling him if you don't go to school and your not sick you get to stay in bed all day until the bus comes home, no tv, no games, no toys, no books.....one time at the beginning of the school year he refused to go to school and I followed through on that....he didn't like staying in bed all day one bit with nothing to do. Now if he starts that "I don't want to go to school, I'm tired" I remind him of what will happen, he pulls him self together pretty quick. He goes to bed at 8pm so no reason for him to be tired.

    Just having this routine has helped so much.


  4. ceebird

    ceebird New Member

    Hi everybody,

    I'm new here. I've been coping with this for at least 10 years and this is really the first time I've sought out support like this - so as you can guess I'm in a horrible flare and feeling aweful and not my typical "at least I can be kind and loving... spirited self" so PLEASE forgive me for the horrible first impression. This whole chore thing is really kind of what drove me to seek support because I'm drowning in home mess right now.

    So to answer how we divy it up - I do it all and when I can't do it all I get all the grief and blame (and worry if my marriage is falling apart tonight.)

    I'm extremely curious - how do you all divide it and it's been so long - I'd like to know what's healthy and fair to expect? I feel so very let down by myself and everyone around me. My kids are 15 and 13 and I know I've been "sick" for most of their lives so when I am doing "better" (which never means good or well) I try to do so much to compensate for not being able to give them the me I really want to be and now that they're older and they are capable of doing so much more for themselves and they're old enough to know I've had a fever for the past year and a half and I am having a hard time walking and I look like the living dead so maybe they could rinse off a dish or maybe my husband could throw the empty cream carton that's on the counter a foot away from the trash can away himself I really get hurt and offended that even a request of consideration on their part by me is taken as some lack of "Love" on my part. I wrote that so fast I don't even know if it makes sense. Well, I'd love to hear from you all.

    I feel so much for everyone here. You are all very inspiring and it's a huge relief to know I can now come here and know I'm not crazy, lazy or alone.

    Sorry for the rant.

    God Bless!
  5. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    i wonder about this....i feel guilty for being sick...i feel guilty for not doing my share...so i end up overdoing it when i do have a better day....

    also, i secretly ( and maybe not so secretly at times) rage at the fact my husband seems so calm about going out of town and leaving me with 4 kids....i am pretty much bedridden....i get up only when i HAVE to....to prepare food...drive one of the kids somewhere....then i crawl back to my bed....

    yet,i have done all the housework up until a month ago...when i got a cleaning lady...i have been sick for 4 years...i still do all the laundry...and all the other stuff i listed in my last post....

    why don't i ask for more help from my husband and kids??? GUILT
  6. LISALOO

    LISALOO New Member

    I am lucky, my husband does everything. We used to split up some things, like things I was more anal about. He took things that bothered my allergies.

    I'll start the dishwasher or do my laundry if I can.
  7. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    i stay in my bed every chance i can...if i have to drive the kids somewhere i am exhausted when i get home....i always brush my hair, put on makeup etc when i go somewhere...so that takes up some energy...

    my husband underestimates how much damage a short trip out cAN DO to me....

    Do you all stay in most of the time....do you just refuse to leave? are you forced to run errands or give rides?
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I am retired now and my husband is still working. He basically has 2 jobs -- office by day and farming every other minute that he is awake.

    So everything inside the house (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.) is mine and he does everything outside (maintaining the yard, flower beds, all the farmwork, maintenance on farm equipment, taking care of 100+ head of cattle, etc.).

    If I'm lucky, he might run to the local small grocery store on Saturday for milk, bread, etc.

    I run all the errands, banking, write checks for all the books, do the major grocery shopping at a WalMart Supercenter twice a month, and take care of my own car's upkeep, and do the books and taxes for the farm business.

    When I worked for 30 years, while in poor health, I still did everything, plus raised the kids (level of effort changed as they aged). As the kids grew older, they were assigned certain responsibilities that they all had to do. As they got older, they also had to help on the farm.

    We are/were a family with a whole lot going on at all times and really did not have time for one person to be sick and slack on his/her responsibilities. It so happens that I was the one to be sick--but I have had this fibro and systemic lupus since I was around 10, they just didn't know waht to call it back then. I'm 55 now. I retired the minute I attained 30 years--I was 48--because of my health (I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack--see my bio for my other health problems).

    I'm just glad that I am retired and can pace myself to get my work done. I can't stand up for more than 15 min. or walk very well, so I rest as much as I work!!!! LOL


    Hugs,
    Janet
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i wake up at 7:30 am...throw my boots on and grab a coat..look in the mirror...fix the hair barely...
    then i get a protein bar for my son and some water and an energy drink....drive him to school...kick him to the curb...he is 16 years old...then i get stuck in all the traffic coming home...they really don't have bus transportation to speak of for these kids...out here in california...

    then i come home post in the website here...somtimes do dishes in the dish washer, i wash my clothes and my son does his...somtimes we help each other out...but i got tired of the argument of "come on cody sort your clothes so we can go take them ot the laundry room" "but i don't want to do them"...so that was when he was 10 years old i said i don't ever want to catch in dirty clothes or wrinkle clothes...you can have money to do your clothes anytime...yes he does them...yes he throws his clothes in his closet and yes i yell at him for it...or sometimes i just throw them in the middle of his bedroom...tell him do them now...and he does....

    i vaccuum and he does when i can not...he normally takes out the trash...i clean the house mostly but he does clean the bathroom and the toilets when i tell him as well...

    he has long days when he plays football and going to school...he will be lucky to be home by 7 pm or 8 pm...and he has practice or a game every saturday starting the middle of august,,,practice starttin in may...he is busy..then he has track practice after school so that is usually down aroun 5 pm...i usually cook something...but lately we have been eating out because i just have been wiped out...

    we live in an apartment....if we owned a house we would both be doing more///...

    jodie