POLL: single people how do you meet and have a relationship..

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by day2day, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. day2day

    day2day Member

    with this DD?

    I have not dated for many years now, partly due to my son was so young, and mostly because getting thru a day is so hard, and not knowing what the next day will be like.

    So many ?s around this entire subject I truly don't know where to start.

    Before this illness got the best part of me, I was very outgoing, social, never had a problem with dating. As my health started to decline it was a struggle to date.

    Now I feel that I am not worthy of even trying to meet someone ( where would someone with cfs/fm meet anyone to begin with, I can't even find a doctor who specilizes in it where I am, lol), I feel that I am half of a person, damaged goods.

    CFS has thrown my self esteem out the window when it comes to dating, or attempting to find a companion. For that matter even a friend. I am tired of being isolated, and alone. I don't want to be 70 years old sitting here by myself.

    I guess would like to hear the stories from those who have had this for a long time, and found a sigificant other after the cfs/fm started.

    How did you explain your illness?

    Did people run for the hills?

    Are you together now?

    Is he/she understanding?

  2. natrlvr2

    natrlvr2 New Member

    I was divorced in 2000 and did not date at all.(not my choice,just no options) Then from Sept.04-April 05 I did have a relationship with an old friend but I had to end it.He was in worse shape than me.Not pain wise but he was bi polar and I cannot deal with all that had brought along.We never went anywhere or did anything.All we did was sit on the couch and stare at the tv.I tried to be understanding but I need more normal.There NEVER would have been that,ever.
    I will never SETTLE though just so I am not alone(my son does not count,not the same).So I really do nto have much of a social life.Heaven forbid anyone would want to date me anymore.(I like me and I have alot of freinds,but that is it)
  3. ckzim

    ckzim New Member

    2 yrs into the Fibro. Of course I was working part-time,and was able to get out to do that at the time.

    I was like the educator at work about Fibro..so it was easy when he asked me out, to be right out front with it.
    I printed out a booklet..lol..for him to read of what it was. I still scracth my head why? lol...

    It's impossible for him to fully understand, and sometimes I wonder if it would be easiser, not having him around.
    As I feel horrible when I can't function, or I'm in so much pain, and he feels scared, sometimes he forgets I have Fibro...etc..
    There's up's and down's with everything...
    Single Fibro...was rough...
    Married fibro...is rough...lol...especially with a partner who doesn't understand.

    I know this didn't help much...sorry...but wanted to let you know it is possible.

  4. Jgavi

    Jgavi New Member

  5. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    my husband on the computer. We played the same online computer game. I was already starting to get into the worst part of my illness when we started dating and by the time we married I could not work anymore.
    We are still together and even though FM can play it's part in straining a relationship we are very happy. He is very helpful and understanding...he knows our "schedule" and our "daily life" will constantly change due to this dd and he is ok with that.

    Being ill I spend a lot of time at my computer cause I can socialize there without the stress of going out. He was also very into using his computer and that is how we met.
  6. day2day

    day2day Member

    Although it is sad I am not alone in this, it's good for us who are struggling with this issue to see that others have met and have a good relationship since the diagnosis of this.

    thanks all!!
  7. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    Someday he hopes to be a doctor with a phd to do clinical research and his focus is going to be on treating chronic pain (his mom has an invisible chronic pain illness too)! So I know I got at least 1 new doctor who believes us...well once he graduates that is ;)
  8. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    The have 'singles dances' in my area. I am not spring chicken and vowed after my divorce I would never date, especially being an oldster.
    Well, I went to one of these dances and was totally turned off. Maybe it was just the wrong group for me. Most were looking for bed-mates: not dates. I felt so depressed leaving. That was my experience and is probally an exception to the rule. Good luck!
  9. day2day

    day2day Member

    by the time I reply I forgot who wrote what, so please forgive me.

    My story is my son is 8 years old, his dad left when he waS 1 mos old due to my sons medical issues. I have struggled just to care for him, and my health has been secondary.

    He has anaphlatic mulitple food allergies, can't have any milk, soy, pork, or beef products or anything with it. He also has additional medical problems and behavioral stuff that I have to be CONSISTANT with.

    As you can imagine to get through a day is so hard being so alone.

    I don't want to go through life alone anymore. I moved to another state 5 years ago, and because of my very limited mobility I have not a clue how to meet anyone. I feel since this my cfs/fm has been so bad for the last 8 or 9 years, I have really nothing to offer anyone. All my fight goes towards my sons medical issues, he has 7 different specilists I have to deal with, and its is so hard to just manage his care.

    Just shopping for him is so stressful, I have to read every single product ingredient......they have so many hidden names for milk alone. Products are always adding in stuff that are not safe for him without warning.

    So as you can imagine who the heck would want someone with not just my issues, but my sons as well???

    LOL , so that is my story bascially.

    I guess it would be nice to get some ideas where on earth to meet some people locally that are not drunks and losers. Who would look past all my health baggage. I am guessing there are lots more that are wondering the same thing with this chronic long term illness.

    Thanks for listening
  10. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I have been on my own for about 6 years, and I don't know how I would cope with a relationship. I dated a nice man a little in the summer, but I never was really comfortable going out, and was always breaking plans.

    I miss the pretty fun me that used to be, but I don't know how anyone could put up with me now. I'm not saying that as in "oh, poor me", But I'm really being practical.

    And I am so used to eating, sleeping, working, etc., whenever I want I might be too selfish to compromise now.

    That being said, I'm so happy for those of you with a partner, and do get a "twinge" of jealousy now and then.

    Sue in Ontario
  11. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    Keep looking for that right person...they are out there.
    I have had CFS for 18 years now and got married a couple years ago. I met my husband through mutual friends and he is fantastic. He is so supportive and loves me for me. He looks at it this way: if I didn't have CFS, I would have married years ago and he never would have met me or had me in his life. I never once felt like I shouldn't make someone put up with me; even though I am exhausted all the time and can't do much, I still have a lot to offer. So do all of you. Don't sell yourself short.
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    my ex alcohilic bf...he left me for another female he did me a favor...i didn't have to deal with his stalking quite so much...i just had to deal with him calling and telling me how he made a mistake and this woman was pscho...iloved that i just told him well that is what you chose...i never took him back...i had to finally tell him to quit calling me it would never work out because of the drinking and he smoked pot...not to mention he stillllived with hismother and well i think i he is 44 yers old now...and never lived on his own..no kids...he was helping me with rent so that is why i think i held on to him for so long..i was getting ready to give him the boot cause i was starting to get child support once and for all...

    well after that my ex-hubby came back in my life in a way...anyways he kept me company and...anyways..we are not together sort of playing the friend card for now..that's until he figures out i'm trying to increase child support...

    so i need to take a break and get me better mentally and moving
    more physically to feel better aboutmyself...lose my weight i don't like having on me...

    so i think if we feel good about ourselves then maybe we will feel like dating...i just have been flaring and too pooped to do anything...

  13. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    Thanks for your note sweet potatoe! Good luck-let me know if you have any more questions regarding dating.
    Fight4cure: Have a great date tonight!
    Jodie-I'm glad you're not with your alcoholic boyfriend anymore.

  14. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    I re-read your post and questions. First, i need to reiterate you are not half a person. I understand that feeling and have felt that too, but let that go somehow. There are plenty of physically healthy people who are no fun to be around and are not good people. It is so dang hard to date with this illness. Everytime, it's the same thing. You try and get ready and look great, not sick. And as we all know, we can, because this is a very invisible illness. Which, is good and bad at the same time. I usually try to get through the first date without telling him my cfs saga. However, it gets tricky when they ask what you like to do or where you work. I keep it general: see movies, read books, hang out with friends, and do yoga. I only work 4 hours a week but if they ask what I do, I tell them my profession, just not how many hours. Ok, I'm babbling. Back to your specific questions.
    How do you tell someone. I either just bring it up, or if they ask a question like "do you want to play tennis or do you want to go for a bike ride?" I will just say that I have a chronic illness and it keeps me from doing physical activities. Then they ask what is it? I tell them cfs and i've gotten some really crazy responses from guys. If they totally don't get it and have no empathy and sensitivity they might not be worth your effort. But, if they seem genuinely interested in you and just seem ignorant I will tell them a little the first time and more and more as time goes on. I don't think I've had any guys run for the hills right away. But, some guys have run after a couple / few months and things start to get serious. I have had some say they just can't deal with me possibly having cfs forever and don't want to further the relationship. It's hard. But, I've also had men who were ok with it. Some men like to be needed and want to take care of you. Some men think they can "cure" you with their love. Not. But cute. Honestly, for all the jerks I've met, whether it's in dating or meeting new friends, I've met lots of people who are understanding and supportive. People usually don't totally get it, but I've had many positive responses, usually better as time goes by and they get to know me better and learn more. That said, sometimes even these people say something so disrespectful and you know they don't fully get it. So, if I'm in the right mood I will educate and discuss this with someone or if I'm too emotional i'll just let it go. I pick my battles. My husband was told I had cfs before our date (blind date set up) and he looked it up on the internet before he even met me. I knew he was a good guy. I could go on and on.....
  15. day2day

    day2day Member

    Fight.........wish you luck on your date, have fun!!

    Pain........ I am glad you found a keeper, sounds like he is lucky to have you!!

    Jodi.....good move on your part, sounds like he might have some self medicating issues.

    LOL, I had to write the names of you guys to remember who said what.......for anyone else who replied before that, ty so much I love seeing how everyone copes, feels, and how they feel emotionally about all this.

    Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
  16. day2day

    day2day Member

    LOL, by the time I get ready for a night out like that, I would be so tired I would fall asleep at the table LOL.

    Eileen, alot of what you said is how I feel.

    hope you feel better soon.

  17. nselissen

    nselissen New Member

    Hi day2day,

    I know what you mean because it sure would be nice to have someone to do something with once in a while.

    Guess I have vowed to stay single....If I don't like living with myself...I can't expect anyone else to?? lololol


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