Porchlight volume 630 now ON !!!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Granniluvsu, Jul 29, 2013.

  1. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Got home from shopping with DH and need to go fix lunch in a minute. I just realized that the Porch was up past 30 so an starting a new one.

    Hope to see lots of old and new faces on this Porch. Ran out of choc chip cookies this time but did find some frozen Girl Scout Thin Mints for the taking. OMG, they are so good, especially when from the freezer.

    Thinking of everyone. Hope to check back later on. Hope no fingers or toes get caught in the door.

    Julie - God bless you for all you are going through with your family and SIL.

    Love to everyone,
    Granni:)
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    He He Julie - who could SCOLD you :)? The only one I can think of is your SIL !! You mentioned Sis's eldest son can make things happen - for the good or not so good??? Not sure which you meant. You are doing everything for Grandpa's welfare so I wouldn't be worried other that sis can make you get awful mad cause she is the control freak.

    Oh I am very sure that you and Den are on the same page for sure but he's just a much quieter person than you and certainly has enough on his plate still working at WORK and HOME at so many things. It is easy to see that what you are doing is for Grandpa's good and sis is out for herself. Just wondering if Den has ever told her off :) ?? he he

    You are right and doing whatever you can for Grandpa. You are not out for yourself . I know you will do a good job , no matter what happens. Stay strong my dear. It sounds like you may have a little fight a head of you but I know that you will do what is needed to help Grandpa. Yours is a mission of love not greed, and hopefully all will go well for you and family without to much interference from SIL.

    I am all worn out just thinking of your mowing and all. I just had a nap this afternoon and one yesterday. I have had some dumber headaches than usual and I am sure stress is probably causing some of it.

    Hi also to everyone. Hope to hear from some more of you soon.

    Love to all,
    Granni
  3. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Good grief Julie !! I am so sorry you had that accident but glad you are OK ! You aren't going to let her win are you :)??? I don't know what is the very best thing to do in that situation but that woman is something else. She is just going to b----ch until she gets her way and the heck with Grandpa. Ask Den what he thinks you should do . That woman is bad news, sorry if she is Den's sister.

    I just can't see what good she is doing except living in HIS house and that is good for HER not him..

    I don't envy you your decision but ask Den and see what he says. I just wouldn't want that woman to get her way and being so mean.

    Hope you feel better tomorrow. You should be awfully sore. More later.

    Love
    Granni
  4. Darrae

    Darrae Member

    Julie,

    OMG! Am so glad you were not seriously injured! And, yeah, that's probably gonna hurt tomorrow. Re: you and Gpa', I fear, as does Granni, that she'll get worse with him when she feels she's run everybody else off. He's obviously afraid of her and her reprisals.

    Methinks maybe it's time you and Den talk about Den taking over this battle. I know you don't want Gpa' to be miserable, but somebody has got to corral the sister. And, it's his sister. I know family is family, and maybe Den's not wanting a confrontation, but it sounds like you've had enough. Really had enough. You've done all you can do to try and make him comfortable, get him to eat well, etc.......in spite of the SIL, and you are to be commended for your compassionate care.

    But at some point, Den is going to have to "step up", it appears. She obviously has no respect for you. Quite the contrary. Maybe Den's losing his temper a bit wouldn't be such a bad thing. I know you said he fears not being able to stop, but obviously, she's not going to stop. Maybe it's time for Den to speak with Gpa'about giving Den sole POA and leave the sister out of the mix altogether. And, maybe it's time for Den, Gpa', or somebody to suggest she go get her own apartment, house, whatever. If Gpa' is still sharp enough to make his own finances, and make cognizant decisions, then let him. I think Sunflower's idea regarding Meals on wheels is a good one. If the only issue is his not eating well, then that would solve the problem, and they check on them too when they deliver.

    Either way, I worry about you and your health. This can't be good. Something's got to give here soon before your body declares war on you altogether.

    Loves,

    Dar
  5. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Julie......you were extremely blessed not have gotten hurt or the mower getting damaged. Honestly, Den needs to take this over and leave you out of the mess. I hope you really give this over to God and then get some GOOD sleeping for at least 3 or 4 nights with no one disturbing you. You need to look after yourself. With all you've taken on you're ripe for a collapse.

    By the way, I've never read WHY the sister is there in the first place. And does she work?
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Active Member

    Land O Goshen! Julie. Did the mower end up in the pond? Reminds me of Steve Irwin at his
    zoo. He said there were about 6 lawnmowers at the bottom of the pond. The crocs would attack
    them and drag them into the water. I don't suppose there are too many crocs in Iowa. Well,
    maybe at the Blank Park Zoo. (Why the heck is it named "Blank"?)

    I remember when I was a kid I heard that the most dangerous job on the farm was driving a tractor
    on an incline. They can tip over and land on the driver. But in reality there are plenty of ways to
    get injured on the farm. Anything form a kick by Bossy to getting snagged by a corn picker.
    I wonder if farming has become safer in the last half century.

    From now on just mow under the clothesline. Okay?

    Anyhoo, the situation with your SIL is terrible. "Heaven have mercy. You're a Christian martyr."
    (From "The Glass Menagerie.") When I used to go to my 12 step program, every family I
    heard about was dysfunctional. But I think your SIL would win a prize at the country fair if
    they had a category for "Orneriest In Law".

    Granni, frozen thin mints sound good. I bet your chocolate chip cookies would be even better. Maybe
    thaw them out in some warm milk.

    SG and Dar, it's great to have some new visitors to the porch. I will try and respond to some of your
    posts when I have a little more energy. Pull up a rocker, a bale of hay, the porch swing. Make yourselves
    comfortable. When I was a kid we would sometimes visit my relatives. A great uncle and aunt or
    something. You know how kids can never quite figure this stuff out. Anyway Aunt Ethel often made
    limeade and brought it out while we were sitting on the front porch. They had a glider (swing). I
    think there were only 3 or 4 in town. She was the only person I knew who made it. No such thing as
    frozen limeade then.

    Rock
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Everyone, I've been gone a day or so, treating my UTI and Herxing. Slept all day yesterday but then couldn't get to sleep til 2:00 this morning. I have to go to the condo mtg. cause I think I have checks to sign. I actually feel better with all that sleep yesterday despite not being able to sleep last night. It'll probably hit me later today. Oy!

    Julie, I'm so glad you are OK physically. Those mowers are dangerous. I agree with the others here; it's time for Den to put sis in her place. She's a bully and the only thing bullies understand is someone else getting in their face. Unfortunately, I know y'all have been walking on eggs to keep her from spewing her evil sickness on Gpa. Yes, I believe she is sick but it is affecting others and has to be stopped. Is there an elder abuse advocate you can contact? That is what she is doing--abusing Gpa. If Den could get POA, y'all would hold the cards and she would have to stop her nastiness or get out.

    Granni, Rock, Dar and Sunflower, you guys are so caring and supportive. Bless you and Julie, Den and Gpa.

    Love, Mikie
  8. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Dear Julie,

    Not much time to write right now but did wanted to pop in and say AMEN to what DAR , SF , and Mikie had to say. Den is Grandpa's son and he NEEDS to get into the mix now even if he is a sweetie pie and probably hates confrontation as I do. However, I think this may be the time he NEEDS to step in before she gets much worse. Saying what she said to you shows how vindictive she is towards you or anyone who will get in her way.

    Sorry to say that I do not think you should BACK OFF as you said before. However, it is time for Den to step in and assert his authority as loving SON to Grandpa . That woman needs to be put in her place. If DEN takes over than you can be on the back burner a bit. I surely don't think you should stop bringing food unless Meals On Wheels or something takes over for you.

    Sorry poor Den may have to make some of these decisions, if that is what you all decide. However, I do think now may be the time after what just happened. The only thing SIL wants is control of Grandpa what SHE WANTS .

    More later.

    Love to awl,
    Granni
  9. lincamp

    lincamp Member

    Julie how scary for you w the lawn mower incident. I am glad you got out safely...don't try that again.

    Whats even scarier is the situation w your SIL. I agree w you, its time for you to back off and have Den step in. I fear SIL will take her anger w you out on GPA. I just watched a show on Dr Phil about in-law woes...Dr P says the hubby should take responsibility for His family and the wife take it for her family..

    For whatever reason, she has an entitled mentality and yes, she is a bully and when done to an elder its elder abuse. She has taken over everything to include food!! How crazy is that? Makes me wonder if she even allows Him to eat the food you bring. Hearing about her anger problem I wonder if she may be throwing the food out!

    Add in all her online choice of boyfriends shows she lacks good judgement.

    Too bad GPA is such a soft touch, he should just kick her out, she obviously isnt any help to Him

    This is such a difficult situation, may you find comfort in knowing you have done everything for the right reasons.

    Hugs to you!!
  10. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Julie - Happy Drivers License renewal :)! That has never been FUN here either. The lines are long and sometimes take forever. Hopefully, you can get it done quickly and painlessly :)!!! Better get it done or you won't be able to drive . However, maybe in some cases that might be a GOOD thing :)!! You need a rest girl -LOL !!

    I surely hope you can get some kind of help with the family. Sorry the family history is so bad but some people just don't change or find it so hard to and keep on meeting the same old people with problems. Just what she doesn't need. I am afraid that SIL will continue her pattern of bad behavior and poor Grandpa will be right in the middle.

    Before I forget, we will be gone for an overnight tomorrow but will be back sometime the next day. So please don't worry if I am not peaking in . Out to celebrate someone's birthday tonight (83 I think) so I MAY not be back later today or tomorrow.

    Hi to Linda, DAR, Rock, Mikie, Sun and all dear Porchies.

    Love,
    Granni
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Gpa needs an advocate who is not a family member and has no financial interest to help keep him safe from what is going on. Sis can't keep this up forever and her craziness will eventually come to the fore. Bless you and Den for what you are doing; I know it's really difficult.

    Love, Mikie
  12. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Julie - Mikie is right that you have to find someone who can be his advocate that is not in the family, if that is possible. Wonder if you Google it and where Grandpa lives you can come up with something. I know most of the family wants what is best for him . However, then no on can complain that they are doing things for selfish reasons. Guessing Sis won't like that but that is to bad. She will complain no matter what anywho !

    Hope you get your drivers license renews today Julie. That is such a major pain in the you know what. The hardest part the last time besides waiting was the eye test. It is a lot harder than it used to be for many reasons. They did make it harder for one thing plus of course we are getting older and our eyes worse - ugh !

    Had lunch and debating whether or not to take a little nap. I have actually napped two days in a row. Guess I needed it. Haven't slept that great at night but better last night than two nights previous.

    Will try and check back later.

    Love you all,
    Granni
  13. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Yay, you got your DL renewed - I think !! You may also need a helicopter with pad :)!!

    Glad your SIL family are trying to at least come up with some solutions. It is a problem too when you live in the country where they don't have to many extra resources for people.

    Hope you can find something that works for Grandpa and doesn't cause to many headaches with SIL. That may be difficult when she acts as difficult as she has been without to much concern for Gpa.

    I just got up from a little nap I guess. The phone kept ringing. I didn't answer it and they were all ads, DH said.

    Hope you get a little nap Julie. You need it with all you do. Forget the mowing for awhile, please.:)!

    Love to everyone,
    Granni
  14. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Hi everyone. I felt a little more energy yesterday so went to my grandkids swim lesson and took video of them with my little Canon camera. A few weeks ago I found a DVD of videos we had taken of my grandson, now age 10, and watched all those cute things a baby and toddler do. I felt bad because there were NO videos of my granddaughter, age 5, so I'm determined I'm going to get them now. I enjoy them so much but it's hard so many days not to have enough energy or I'm hurting and when they've wanted to spend the day or night I've had to decline. Missed out on so much of them even though they're only 30 min. away. I've been taking gabapentin for about a month and I'm surprised at how much it's helped with the pain.....it's taken away about 80% of it. I'm sleeping better at night also.

    Julie. If you have a church you attend you might ask the pastor about an advocate and your problems. He might be able to help. Also you mention Amish neighbors and they can be very helpful and understanding. Perhaps there might be someone you could hire to bring food who could act like Meals on Wheels for your dad. And also find several neighbors who could take him to his senior citizen meetings without bringing it up to SIL? He sounds like he still wants to stay semi independent. Your SIL sounds like a very angry person....angry at the world and feeling like she's lost out so taking it out on the people closest to her. Her choices sound very, very bad though, and she has a lot of changing to do.

    Granni. Is your family meeting scheduled for this weekend? I really hope your daughter can get her life turned around. It's not her fault she has an alcohol problem. AA is one of the best places to help her. I have a very close person in my life who was immensely helped with a 30 day rehab and then AA.....and still going once a day to meetings. Have a good one nighter away. Like a little mini vacation.
  15. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Sun - the meeting was for last Sat and she thought it was Friday. No meeting happened. Everyone is frustrated. I will try and support here but no more money and my health is not going to do much in feeling better. She is looking for the perfect job and I think she needs to take anything at this point before they kick her out of the apt. Not sure how much she is going to like me after she reads my last mail. Only sent it to son and not to all and asked his opinion.

    I will prayer for her and be there but can't keep sending money. Already did that and it was a good chunk. I think she needs to be more desperate and go for almost any job at this point.

    Will tty a later in a couple days. Will be gone tomorrow. Even had a nap today, AGAIN !!

    Love to all,
    Granni
  16. Darrae

    Darrae Member

    Hi everyone,

    Nice to see you on again Rock. Hope you're feeling better and better every day. FYI, your humor just fractures me! Praying for you.

    Dar




    Julie,

    Sweet girl. You try so hard. Don't apologize for "taking up space". We're all here to help if we can in any way we can. Even if it is just to listen. You need to "vent" or go nutzoid! I hope the family putting heads together helps. I think SG has a pretty good idea there, so long as SIL doesn't get wind of how this is occuring, (meals, rides and all).
    It could work. With the right approach.

    At least Gramps wouldn't have to feel dependent upon her. Nothing wrong with a neighbor offering to help out another neighbor. Or a church offering to lend a "helping hand" since he's elderly and she is so"disabled".
    Maybe the church is implementing a new "Outreach Program"? Or a neighbor just wandered by, knowing that
    there might be something he could do for Gramps, and he has the time to do some community volunteer service?

    It would make perfect sense for a church or neighbor to do so. What's she gonna do? Tell the church to go away? Or a helpful neighbor? (Particularly if they should offer her some small help too?) Me thinks she would "jump" on help for herself. And she certainly wouldn't want to chase off anyone offering to throw her a bone too.

    I know she's Den's Sis and all, and no disrespect intended, but the woman is bats! If she's disabled, then she should move to the nearest town where she can get SSI, Public Assistance...etc....etc. Not make herself a burden to Gpa'. Her guilt trips are highly inappropriate. He's not responsible for all the woes in her life. And. if my question isn't too out of line, where does she get the "moolah" to spend on so much junk?

    How many of us on the porch are technically "disabled"? Yet, we manage without taking advantage of elderly realatives or family in this harsh sort of way. We do not throw verbal garbage in the faces of our loved ones. We may have helpful family and loved ones, but WE DEAL WITH OUR PROBLEMS. Every day, without demeaning or hurting our family and loved ones. Julie, hang in there. Eventually, one way or the other, this will have to work itself out. In the mean time, mow grass that's on flat ground and nowhere near water. That was too close! Does your new Driver's License apply to riding mowers? :D

    Hugz......Dar



    Hi Granni,

    You have the most loving heart and it's full of good advice. Those frozen thin mints sounded pretty doggone good. I have, however, recently become a Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Therapy addict. My friend, David, introduced me to it a few weeks ago. Dive in the top and come out the bottom of the pint! ( I Just don't do it too often). Now that's comfort food! Right up there with home made fudge from scratch. Yum!

    Loves....Dar


    Sunflower, Mikie, Lincamp say hey! Good to see you on. Hope everyone has a good night and better tomorrow.

    :) Dar
  17. springwater

    springwater Member

    Hello

    Lost a longish post this morning, n now it's time for me to run an errand. Sorry.

    Julie- hang in there. It's time for Granpa's other kids to step in. You and Den hv always been there for him

    Love to all porches

    Later..

    God Bless
  18. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Julie. With all the troubles going on with SIL, I think this is best. She's going to be like an angry hornet, so I suggest you don't answer any calls from her but let Den do everything. What has his thoughts been on all of this for the last couple of week?

    I understand how when our heart is breaking we sorta just shut down. You've been running on empty for too long, so you need to take care of yourself.
  19. springwater

    springwater Member

    hello all

    Julie - take a rest; if u hadnt called those people, and something happened, you would hv felt forever
    guilty. and Dens dad, to get help, he has to be ready to receive help, if he is the one being ill treated,
    and he doesnt want to speak up, what can you or den or anyone do?

    this has been going on for three long years, you going over, helping..and now this, i would think
    Dens dad would put his foot down, tell his daughter off for being disrespectful to you, but no.Its
    like youre the villain.

    you hv done right, and now how dens dad and his sis take it is their issue. for better or worse.

    Granni - sorry to hear about daughters drinking issues, worry worry
  20. springwater

    springwater Member

    having had to put up with dad,mums, big brothers, FILs and now middle brothers
    alcohol issues, no wonder i hv a phobia where any type of drink is concerned.

    i pray your daughter soon cleans up and gets the right job. you deserve to