Posts about our childhood Please read

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jul 10, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I would like to say that mine was great and it was till the age of 12. My Daddy died 9 days before I was to turn 13. That birthday really sucked .
    I then went to see a pedactric doctor who also dabled at counsleing youth. HE SUCKED and asked me the stupidest questions. " did you ever see your father with out his clothes on? did it make you mad when you were spanked .Duh what do you think I was thirlled NOT!.

    After that appointment my grandma R took me home and as I remember I had on my first store boughten dress. Lime green with white poka dots on it , with a big wide white collar and a while bow that hung done the front of my dress, And under my armpits was the biggest sweat stains as I had been so nervous about seeing him.

    Grandma dies a year and 3 months after my DAD did. And that bit too. Alough Grandma was not one who was really some one who made you feel really loved. I remember being told that I was not washing the glasses right and being made to wash them over and over till she thought they were being cleaned in the right manner.

    At a sunday dinner just after my dad had died my brother had his friend over for sunday dinner and Grandma R made the comment to my brother that diddn't he know that it was expensive to feed us and Mom didn't have that much money and we should not be asking people over for dinner.

    As it was costing too much. Mom got mad at my Grandma and told her that it was fine that he had his friend over for dinner it was not that big of a deal.

    I learned to drive and was so excited at 16 to be getting my drivers lience. The man my mom was dating was taking me out driving and molested me. Nothing as serious as it could have been but I felt like I had done something wrong .
    I got home and slammed the door and my Mom asked how my driving had gone so I told her that he had touched me in private places and she looked me in the eye's and said that BXXXX would not do that.

    I was so confused and lost and alone.. No one in those days would have done a thing about what had happened to me. it was in 1972 and sexual abuse was not looked at the way we look at it to day. .
    Years later my mother apoligized to me and asked me to forgive her for that mistake as she had asked him what had happened and he told her that he had hugged me and touched my thighs and I put his car in Park doing 30 miles per hour and tried to get out of the car and walk home .

    He would not let me and picked me up and put me in the front seat next to him holding on to me so that I would not bolt from the car and took me home telling me that nothing had happend that the boys I dated had not already done to me.

    He was in his 50's and I was just 16 and had not dated much and NO ONE had ever touched me the way he did.. I was so hurt that he would do this and even more that my mom didn't believe in me. AT that time.

    I was little girl not someone who had dated and had done any thing more than talked to a boy and yet he had the power to do this to me. Why ? Who gave him that right?

    I din't. Yes I sound hurt still and most of the time I am over it as he is dead now and did far worse to his step granddaughters and went to prision for it.

    I was about 18 when I went with a girl friend to some guys house and I was so naive that is was really scary.

    The guy she had hooked me up with was stoned on marajana and wanted far more than I was willing to give and he ripped the zipper out of my levi's .

    I pushed hom off of me and ran out of the room and out side telling my girl friend to get out there and to take me home.She did and after she asked what had happed and I told her she was so sorry about it.

    I had a baby out of wedlock at 21 and I married a guy who is a alocholic but does not drink any more.
    I loved his parents and they were so good to me and my daughter , my husband adoopted my daughter when she was 3.

    I went on to have 2 more daughters who had the love of really good grandparents and my mother and i had fixed things between us. In 1990 I had to have a total hyersetomecty and I still wanted kids.

    Go forward to 1996 my FIL died after a long illness and it was on his son's birthday. Then it was losing his grandparents that really caused me pain also.

    Jump to 3 year ago my husband 's Mother was sick she had no immune system and was not going to live as she had phemumonia.

    Two weeks later my husgand informed me that he wanted a divorce. My dear MIL who I got to be with for a hour had told me how special I was and how she thought of me as her own daughter and loved me for sticking with her son during the hard times we had gone through as I can't tell oyou all that went on in the years he drank.

    She passed away 12 days later and he did help me through the furneral a bit but that was all. I didn't get the time to greive for the loss of my MIL someone who I love as much as my own mother.

    And then to have my husband of then 23 years tell me that he wants a divorce and that he didn't ever love me? I lost it and could not function for a few months, I got so sick around october and ended up in the hospital with phemumonia as my pluse oz was in teh low 70's for 3 days.

    My husband came to see me in the hospital and I just cryed telling him how sorry I was for once more being sick and brining home huge mediacl bills and all he said was "Don't sweat the samll stuff" I tried to tell him that this was not small stuff but he was right I had no control over it.

    The night before I went home he called me and asked me if I still loved him. I told him that I always had and this divorce was all his idea. NOT MINE>

    And he asked if he could come home and I said he could. He also asked me if I would could to marriage counseling with him and I said i would.

    I wouldnot have picked the guy that was our counsler but my husband did, It was hard as my husband felt that I was over doseing on my pain meds and that the fibro was me just making something up to get attention.
    I had the counsler call my GP who was the one who dxed me , he talked to the counsler and told him I was really sick and was not faking it to get attention.

    And my pain doctor said the same thing as did the victim's advocate counsler that I was seeing at the time as our daughter had been a victim of sexual assult and my husband said that she was wearing her clothes to tight . HE got told by the counlser that it didn't matter what she wore it was not her fault in ay way.

    AFter a few months in counseling we worked things out and have now been together for 25 years. But I feel that between what happened in my childhood and all that happened as an adult , that these things all had helped this dd along in my life.

    I didn't know how to cope with the loss of my husband as I knew that he loved me & that he felt so lost & alone, and that being a stubborn man he would not ask for any help or accept it from any one who offered it.

    Our marriage has not been a bed of rose's but it is so much better now after the counseling we went thru together. HE is more gentle with me and is more concerned about my health. He is so much more loveing and more kind adn understanding with me. This has helped me so much .

    I feel I have lost too many people that I have loved and for a while I thought that it must be from something I had done.

    But as I grew up I knew it was not.I still blamed my self for the abuse I had at the hands of my mother friend and I know that it was his sick mind not me that caused this to happen to me.

    Life has not been easy for me. It is so hard sometimes as these memories come rushing back to me.

    Why I don't know what sets it off but it all comes back and once more I am that scared 16 year old girl who didn't want to be touched and the thought of him touching me made me sick to my stomache.

    I know that while my life has not been easy it has made me much stronger for the things that have gone on in my life. I try to put that past where it belongs and sometimes it is really hard to do.

    AS I said my daughter was a victim of a sexual assult and as this was headed for trial all the memories that had happend to me came rushing back.
    It was so hard to focus on my daughter and her needs that I went to see a victims counsler to help me be able to help her....

    I was told that in case's like this thatthe memories will come back and take over your emotions so we worked through this so I could be there to support my daugher.

    We got though it and he took a plea and had to spend 6 months in jail for what he did and that was not enough in my eye's but I was not the judge. And now my daugher is married and has a baby who is 15 months old and expecting another one .

    She has been having some problems with her husband also and I asked her if what had happened to her was affecting her marraige and it is and she understands that it is but does not want to go to counseling yet.

    She is working on her marriage and asked me how I dealt with her dad leaving me and I went through some things that had happened and told her that the being aboe to see someone who believed in me and didn't question me if I was right or wrong helped me more than any thing else.

    IN this life we all have many problems and some are worse than others, some are harder to accept and deal with. Some really hurt you in places that you should never be hurt like that.

    My life is not what it was and it never will be again, I get over one problem and now I have others to adjust to now.

    I am tryhing to accept me for who I am a loveing mother of 3 daughters and 2 grandsons , 1 15 months old and the other 8 years old he is my daughters step son who we don't get to see much of him. But we just love him to peices too.

    I know that all that has happened in my life ahs made me a better stonger person and just when I thought I was really strong I get this dx of fibro, MPS, degenerative disc disease, 2 buldging discs, arthritis in both knees and arithitis in my left wirst that I shattered badly and now it is giving me intence pain.

    So while I may have thought that i had my life undercontrol I don't but i am working at it. I am trying to be happier and to accept me for me and to be albe to do things for others also as it helps me to feel better.

    I have lost to many family members and still my mom is sick and is not blood thinners for having blood cots in her lungs and has been hospitilized for phenumonina and celluitis.

    And I am the one who has to be there for her. I have to fill out all the papers and take care fo her tool As my borther lives 3 hours away and does not come up here when she is sick. And my sister is just not happy with her family so she does not speak to us.

    No my life has not been perfect but I have had some very special times in my life that I hold dear to me and always will. I may want a differnt life but I know that I can't go back to before fibro.So I have to accept it and move on with my life.

    Now that you have my WHOLE LIFE STORY I hope that you were not to bored with it or thought that I have told you too much info.
    Thanks for being here.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/11/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/12/2006]
  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I think that someone on this board needs to read what you posted. It took a lot of courage and thought to post your story.

    I am feeling that it will help you that you did this. Yes, life can be tough, life can be cruel, but there is special good times among it all.

    I do not know the meaning of bad events. But I do feel that there is a reason. Not a reason that we caused, so do not bring that on yourself.

    I do know that I am sending you much love and Blessings and gentle hugs......all to a special lady.

    Your hubby, daughter and others in your life are lucky to have you.......
  3. IMHOT

    IMHOT New Member

    I am very touched by your story. You are a very strong person and soooooooooo determined. You have been through so much emotional pain and you are a survivor . I applaud you for your determination. You didn't lose your faith and I feel all your problems were the result of your difficult childhood and all the trials you endured. I think you are focusing on the positive things in your life and that is so awesome. Keep up the wonderful attitude you have shown and thank you for sharing this with us. This dispays one thing to me ---- you must never give up no matter what happens. Major hugs to you ............................ you are an inspiration !!! love, imhot
  4. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    What a beautiful name. I am sorry for the pains you have had in your life. I can relate...

    I posted on another post, about my childhood. It is the one about "How did you handle stress as a child?" I put my life story in felt so good writing it..I think it is therapeutic to do that..

    Thank you for sharing your story.
  5. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    Thank you for writing this. Thank you for being here with us!

    I can relate to your experiences with the pediatric doctor a little. (And I would SO like to share some advice with him!!!!) To share my own experience, my grandpa had a stroke when I was 13, and I was so distressed by this that I started crying in gym class. The teacher asked me, "Is it a school problem, or a home problem?" I said it was a home problem.

    They special-ordered this fat, bearded "psychologist" (I suppose that must have been his title) who appeared later that week after I had forgotten about the whole thing.

    The counselling room that was available that day was as small as a broom closet, with some coats hanging in it. (So it really WAS a closet, I guess.) It was dimly lit. The man was sitting so close to me that I was practically jumping out of my seat with jitters, wondering what terrible thing I had done to get called out of class to come here and see this big hairy stranger. I was terrified to be in this small, dark place with this man.

    He started asking me questions that were about whether my father was sexually abusing me. Well, of course he wasn't! I said, said, and said again that I had been crying in class because my grandfather had had a stroke, and I was afraid he would die. It was torment, trying to defend my dad to that guy. There was no right answer that would make him believe me.

    Later dad got a letter from the government saying that I "may be in need of protection." Firstly, I thought that was the stupedest way to handle the situation, because if I WAS being abused by him, that letter would be a sure way to get abused worse. I spilled the whole story, crying and ashamed. He hugged me and tried to laugh it off and said, "What are they going to do, send over some guys with brass knuckles?" Luckilly, that was the last we ever heard of this.

    I've had a lot of experience with school counsellors. I credit them with dynamiting most of my sense of self and value, and my ability to feel sure of myself and at ease with other people. I've been trying to rebuild this whole time. It's hard for me to understand how people who think they are helping can do so much harm.

    I just thought I'd share because it might be validating. Please keep on writing about your experiences here. It's good for everyone.
    ((love)) Shannon

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