Im nervous and trying REAL hard not to be but my job interview is tomorrow. My heart tells me to just relax and leave it all to God because hes in control, yet my stupid head keeps making me think I should be flipping out with fear right now. Im not feeling well at all...I woke this morning in severe pain in my neck and feeling like I was getting the stomach bug. I had really bad sleep last night as well. Im snapping at my kids and hubby today, and everything I try on to wear for this interview all looks bad because of not working out and putting on 10 pounds.....I feel like a monster. I feel like wrapping myself up in a big sleeping bag so only my eyes and mouth can be seen during my interview tomorrow...of course THAT wouldnt go over very well would it? just praying to God that maybe after all this that this is the direction he needs me to take and this is his will. EVery time I "think" that "something" is finally going right and its because of Gods will, I end up being WAY wrong about it. Then I get frustrated and start even feeling worse about myself. How do we truly ever know what Gods will is for us? I collapsed last week to my knees in tears and screaming to God "I am at your will God...you are in control...I know there are reasons for why my health is bad, why "bad"things keep happening to me and everyone around me and I will not question you for those reasons because I truly believe you have a purpose Lord....But I need you so bad in my life Lord I need some sort of answers...Please Lord help me...I am powerless and weak...please help me.. I am truly at your mercy Lord...why do I suffer so much lately? My plate is over flowing Lord...I am so overwhelmed...please help me."... I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.... Im sure if the windows were open the neighbors would have heard me and thought I was a nut case or having a nervous breakdown. The next day is when I got a call from my best and dearest friend about a job she saw in the paper. It didnt mean much to me at first because she always looks in her papers and gives me names and fax numbers, as I do also to the papers I get. So, I went home and faxed over my cover letter and resume. I really didnt expect much back from it. I have sent my resume out a few times already and had no responses. Sure enough, an hour after I sent the resume I got a call referencing this new job...they wanted me in for an interview....I was exstatic and thought FOR SURE God was answering my call for help... I really think its an answer from God and for a few days I was ok with being "comfortable" knowing Id probly land the job hands down... I began wondering if I shouldnt have gotten comfortable and feeling secure about it now that the interview is tomorrow....Im doubting everything AGAIN (Im such a Pestimistic person). Its funny how when we "allow" Satan to step-in to our insecurities and take over without even realizing it, how it can take a blissful momment and turn it into a complete anxious and fearful one. Ill pray tonight....ALOT. I just hope I sleep better than last night.