Prayers needed

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by MarieTourond, Feb 23, 2002.

  1. MarieTourond

    MarieTourond New Member

    Yes, I need some prayers for my son and I. He is living with me right now and it is not going so well. I love him dearly, but do not like his way of life, or his attitude. He has nearly completely taken over my apartment as his own, and he has been here for only 3 months, Help!!!!!
    I have been a Christian for 2 years now and he doen't like it at all cause he can't understand why I have turned to God as he doesn't believe.
    There are certain things that I don't want to happen in my house and he won't abide and I am not the type to make him live on the street. He is 30 mext month, works but can't same money. He has a daughter, which comes here every Saturday, and every other weekend. I take care of her on Saturdays for her mother, but on the weekends that she is here for him, I end up taking care of her then too cause he takes off to his friends to drink and get high. i am at my wits end over this and a having a hard time coping. I don't let it get in the way of my devotionals or my beliefs. I just want prayers for us cause if he doesn't settle down and start saving to move out of here in the mid-June that was pre-arranged between us it will make enemies of us. I ask him not to swear but he just doesn't respect anything I say.
    My Pastor told me that I should mayber kick him out, but because of my past life of booze and drugs I feel guilty as if I owe it to him. But how long do I have to keep on paying?
    thank you for letting me vent.
    Marie
  2. Harmony

    Harmony New Member

    Marie, Welcome to the Worship Board!
    I certainly will pray for you and the situation with your son. God has worked in your life to bring you to Him and He will continue to guide you. First of all, you don't owe your son anything and please don't feel guilty. You have a new life in Christ and He forgives you for your past and that is all that matters. Your son is showing you NO respect and since it is your apt. and he is 30 yrs. old, I would ask him to leave. If he is working, he should be able to get an apt. on his own. Sometimes we have to show tough love or they will always take advantage of us and never learn no matter how old they are.
    Again, I will be in prayer. We are here to support each other in every situation. God bless you!
    Harmony

  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi Marie, I could have just about written what you wrote about twenty years ago. I have two sons, neither one was a prize for a long time, those awful years when they think they know everything, and friends are more important than anything.
    Now they are both upstanding citizens, and have a healthy respect for the Lord and me.

    I am afraid Harmony is right, I had to do just what she has told you, more or less.

    I took most of my son's money that he earned, put it in the bank in my name, and when he had enough, I told him to find a place to live. He didn't only come home, he brought a wife and two stepchildren with him!

    The other son was a widower, he wanted to come home with a 3 year old, did not want me to disipline her (as he said: I was mean!) but wanted me to babysit.

    By this time I had gotten a little smarter, I gave him a choice, I would adopt her legally, or he could live by himself, find a babysitter that didn't believe in disipline and that was that.

    He choose the latter, didn't speak to me for a couple of years, and told everyone how hateful I was!

    Long story short, both sons are fine now, grandchildren are teenagers, by the way, his daughter is a beautiful spoiled brat! He now admits that I was right, he was wrong. The other sons first marriage didn't work, he is now remarried with a son of his own, and a great father, works three jobs etc, etc.

    The bottom line is, if you keep letting them do what they want, and you take up the slack, they will never amount to anything! At thirty years old, your son is a man, and should be able to live alone, or abide by your wishes in your home. As for the babysitting, thats not your job, unless you so desire to do so.

    One thing we all have to keep in mind, we are not going to be here forever picking up behind them. If they don't learn to be responsible for themselves, what are they going to do when we are gone?

    I will pray that your have the strength to do what is best for you and your son. The Lord did not mean for us to keep them forever!

    I know the guilt trip thing too, please give whatever guilt you feel to the Lord! He wants your son to be a man, not dependend on you for life.

    God bless, and believe me, all this was said in love, as I know the heartache it is to say NO to children, I had to do it too.

    Shalom, Shirl

  4. willow

    willow New Member

    I see you posted this a few days ago, I hope things are much better now, either way, I will continue to pray for you and your son and granddaughter.

    This is very sad and happens sooo often. It is sooo important to get your children/grandchildren in church while their hearts are still young and tender! I hope you are using this opportunity to get your granddaughter into church! While your son is out partying, you could at least be instilling Jesus into your granddaughter's heart! You didn't say how old she is, but the younger the better. Even if she is a baby, I used to read the Bible to my daughter when she was a baby. When she was about 18 mths old, SHE wanted to read to me. I had gotten her a children's Bible story book, she would run her tiny little finger across the words, line for line, pretending to read, as she was looking at the picture and 'making-up' what happened in the 'story'! I was amazed at how accurate she was! She is 14 now, and she loves to go to church. She sings in church, in the choir and by herself! She has always loved to read.

    Children are soooo much smarter than we realize, and they 'feel' the tension when things aren't quite right. I agree you should not allow your son to dissrespect you in your home, but what will happen to your granddaughter if he leaves? Will you continue to get her on weekends? Or will she be with your son who is not yet READY to be a good parent to her? How is her mother? Do you and her get along good, cuz this is also very important for her to 'see' love between all of the people in 'her little world!' I would use EVERY chance I had to reach her, and maybe one day, God will speak to your son thru your granddaughter. Your son has probably shut you out, especially if he knows your past, but that little girl could melt his heart with just a few words! I know because I have seen it happen!

    I hope you don't take what I have said the wrong way. I am only sharing my experiences, in my own life and what I have seen in others, and I don't mean to be to blunt. I said this in love, as it is evident you love your son, that is why it is sooo painful to watch them go down the wrong path, where you have already been, and you now know it was the wrong way, but they have to learn for theirself, it is just soo painful to watch. Just be there for him when he falls, that is the most important thing you can do for him except of coarse to pray for him DAILY!

    And know that your friends here are praying for you and your family!
    Love and Much Prayer, Willow
  5. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    Only you knows ultimately what works for you; I can tell you how I deal with it now and before!

    I have only been a christian (don't like that word prefer follower of Jesus, the Christ) since Aug. of 94. Prior to my baptism I had to straighten out a bad relationship with my oldest daughter. I bout'had black and blue knees from praying on what to do...she had married a character I did not like nor did I like her at that time...had sent her the last fifty dollar bill I had and told her that was it. El fine'!

    I meant it. Have not bailed her out of anything since, however, I did forgive our bad relationship before I was baptised. Her and her husband both attended my baptism as did my younger daughter...I think she was 21 and the older 26; my mother attended and a few other "band" friends.

    Well, I then met Rose (Praise God). She had a suggestion for me which I took. Being that my stewardship to these two grown daughters was over, I wrapped them up in beautiful garments, boxed them and laid them at the feet of the Savior. I have never looked back. For me this worked. If either daughter wanted to get saused on alcohol that is their business, their problem. It does however, stop at my door.

    Now I do have the younger, now 27, living here with William (9 and my son) and me. It is not easy but it would not be possible for me to keep my home and its mortgage, without her. So, we have divided the house into the west wing and the east wing. No questions asked.

    My older daughter, now 33 still has the same husband and they stepped on my toes a couple of years ago but left when I said leave. They did and I let them go in peace.

    It is difficult, even without drugs or alcohol. It conflicts with the new covenant you made with Christ. Perhaps you could tell them of the mental pain it is causing you. You fought hard for your testimony and want to preserve it.

    My entire family went bananas when I became LDS and it is just now, eight years later, that they are giving me the respect I deserve. This is my choice. My stewardship to my grown children is over. I will treat them as I would treat any person of majority. They are now my sisters in christ if they choose to be...it is now their choice. My parents. I will have to honor them by my obedience to gospel principals til the day I cross over. I have a Godly obligation/stewardship to my son until he is of majority then that stewardship will be over. I will be accountable to Heavenly Father for that.

    Don't beat yourself up. Comfort yourself with study of scripture and follow the example given by Jesus the Christ. Pray. Ask Heavenly Father to make manifest to you the path you should take. There is a way for you to act that is not contentious and is not contradictory to the teaching of Jesus...you may have to hunt for it in the scriptures and pray...but if you listen to that still small voice, your prayer will be answered and by your own free agency you will find your way. Love CactusLil'
    [This Message was Edited on 03/03/2002]
  6. RoseTx

    RoseTx New Member

    Believe me when I say... I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I have three who have gone another way. I know how hard it is to tell them to either respect your wishes or go somewhere else to live. I challenge anyone to quote me a scripture where it says that we are responsible for our adult children OR our grandchildren. I know a lot of women who are taking on the responsibility of raising grandchildren but as for me... I am to old to raise children. I am to sick to raise grandchildren. And my children can have kids faster than I can raise them. I help Bea (DIL) to raise hers. I am the taxi and I welcome this diversion and this service. But the ultimate responsibility for Bea's children being taught the gospel, taken to church, fed, clothed and housed is Bea's. My three children are all in their 40's. My children would have and did take as long as I was handing out. My door is barred to them. I will not see them again in this life time. I don't know where they are. I want nothing to do with the lives they live. We are sent here to make choices and I have made my choice and they have made theirs. YES!!! IT WAS EXTREAMLY HARD. But I believe it had to be done. These children are children of God. They belonged to God before He gave them to me. I had plenty of past to repent for when I became a believer. But I can't repent for my children and I refuse to be their enabler. I refuse to let one cent I may have earned or saved to be spent to support a life style that is in direct opposition to my belief in and love for my Saviour. I certainly will pray for you and your son. This is my constant prayer: GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. We can not change the past. We can not control the future and all we have is the moment. We must make every moment as pleasant as possible. Every stress that we allow in our lives or our homes will add to our aches and pains. You are a good person and deserve to have peace in your own home. If this 30 year old man cannot fiend for himself today, what will he do tomorrow when you are not around to pick up the pieces. You have the RIGHT to live a peaceable life. You do not have to put up with this stuff in your own home. My e is jimlocke@myexcel.com. I can write a book on this subject. I am not an expert at many things, but this subject I KNOW about. I promise you, God doesn't want you to live like this. He doesn't expect you to live wher a grown man swears and curses and is disrespectful to you. We can't help what our grown children think about us. That is their business. Marie, kick him out... You are not required to give 30 days notice. Just change the locks and tell him his clothes are are in the boxes sitting outside the front door. And don't look back. e me if you like. Hugs, Rose