Prayers Needed...

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Godismystrength, Apr 7, 2013.

  1. ...My dad starts chemo on Thursday and I'm very concerned for him. Even though all his scans came back clear, since he had a very rare and aggressive kidney cancer, they want to do this as a precaution.

    He is 72 years old and not in the greatest health, so the thought of them putting poison in his veins scares me to death...

    Any and all prayers are greatly appreciated!

    Blessings,
    Shel
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I've been thinking about him....and you. How are you two doing? I hope he's tolerating it well.
  3. ... My dad is doing so so... He's having a lot of stomach distress and not able to get much sleep, unfortunately. They are trying a combination of drugs that they haven't used together before, so I'm concerned for him. He gets some by infusion and some by mouth. I just hate that they're putting him through this when ALL of his scans have come back clear...

    As for me, I've not been doing well. Have had some days that are as bad as it gets with this horrible M.E.... But I'm doing a tiny bit better today, thank God!

    Unfortunately, I've been having to think about whether it would be better for my husband and I to separate for a while since he causes me so much stress which is making my condition worse and literally draining the very life out of me.

    But I'm between a rock and a hard place... My disability level is pretty bad and I depend on him for the basics of life... Food, meds, supps, etc... and he helps get my son to school every day... and I have no one else to help me with any of these things.... No support whatsoever...

    But I continue to pray about all this... For me, it's just as bad as if he were physically abusing me.... But my body is so weak and disabled that I really don't have any options...

    I keep praying that The Lord will completely transform my husband and give him a heart like His and wisdom and discernment as well... I know that "with God, ALL things are possible"... And I know that God can make a way where there seems to be no way.... So I'm holding on to that hope and holding onto the Lord's Hand.

    Thanks so much for checking on my dad and me, Sunflowergirl... I hope you are having better days lately... God bless you!

    Hugs,
    Shel


    [This Message was Edited on 04/25/2013]
  4. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Can you talk to your parents....maybe they could help you a bit? Financially or? If you separated what would be the situation for your husband? God looks at it from all angles. Have you talked to your husband about the stress HE brings to you? Have you asked him to see a therapist? Does he take meds?

    I'm 68 and my husband is 72. I see now that there were so many, many times when I just wanted to run away from everything, but that he actually needs me and now I need him. It's like a give and take situation. I've always been the caretaker in the family but he's now had to step up to the plate and help me more.

    Six months ago I was feeling hopeless, that my husband could never, ever make changes. I was trying to figure out how we could live apart. I prayed for so long. Just this morning I was thanking God for everything. I'm amazed at how things have changed in our marriage, in my husband, in my health situation (mainly because of searching for an orthopedic surgeon and now the PT)So many many times we question the wisdom of God and ask WHY!


    I believe my oldest (age 42) is a bit OC with a bit of ADD thrown in. At times I just have to tell him I can't deal with his problems when he calls about his latest lady troubles. He just upsets me toooooo much. My husband is still going to a therapist for the passive/agressive and for the most part it's gotten more peaceful around here. I'm going for PT (neck traction and machines) and I'm grateful that he's able to drive me there and back......sometimes I feel "loopy" after the traction and I just don't think I could drive the freeway.

    How long will your dad have to go thru this? Sometimes it's the overkill on drugs that does a person in rather than the actual cancer. You might do a search on this subject and present it to your dad.

    I will continue to hold you and your family up in prayer.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/25/2013]
  5. I feel for you...dealing with your husband's behavior..that can be so horrible..I was in the very same boat with my ex-husband...We divorced back in 1995,but continue to stay together year in and year out...meaning he came and went..traveling back between NY and Fla...I think he was/is bipolar...He would get bored after he retired and come back to me in New York..I was so insecure and lonely since I didn't have kids,and my brothers and I weren't close..My parents have passed away...he was my rock...You could say basically I was totally not wanting to be alone...

    He was very moody,aggressive,mean-spirited,evil,couldn't get along with anyone,didn't like my neighbors....I would come home from work..and he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence in my home...Didn't ask me how my day went or anything...total silence and basically watching tv 24/7...
    I thought,"geez, I feel like I am living alone even though I wasn't,coz this guy...was uncommunicative"....

    I am alone and will stay as I am...until the Lord sends someone in my path,when he feels it is right...Don't want to ever meet anyone like my ex-husband ever again...Goodbye and Good riddens...So Shel...I know what you're going through wanting him out temporarily,but having to stay coz..you need the extra income...that's rough...Is he going to therapy or taking meds?? My Prayers for your Dad to get better and for the cancer to totally go away...Helena
  6. ... Thank you both so much for caring and for your prayers!

    Sunflowergirl, I'm so happy to hear that The Lord has worked a miracle and changed your husband for the better. That is encouraging. But my husband has NEVER been able to follow through with anything. We have talked too many times to count, and he always "says" he's going to change, but never does.

    It's really as though he's never grown up... It's like being married to a perpetual teenager, or child, in a lot of ways.... And he just has never had any self discipline, initiative or "follow-through". He has a habit of making empty promises... Even to our kids... Which always upsets me... He just doesn't seem to care...I've always been the "involved, pro-active parent", while he's been content to do nothing...

    He has ADD but has always somehow been able to hold down a very demanding job... And even excel at it over the years. But he's very one dimensional... He has no interests or hobbies (never has) other than watching t.v., especially football. He 's perfectly content to work his job, come home, eat, watch t.v. and go to bed, all without interacting with anyone in the house! It's like pulling teeth to get him to do ANYTHING... It's so hard to be dependent on someone like that :-/

    And this has nothing to do with age (he's only 53 anyway)... He has been this way the entire 30years of our marriage. I know this doesn't sound that bad, but it goes much much deeper than what I'm even sharing here. He also is very very easily agitated and seems to just want to be left alone. And he's even on an anti -depressant, but it doesn't seem to help any and actually seems to be keeping him from sleeping very well.

    He tried ADD meds a while back and they gave him severe headaches so he had to get off of them. And he's so forgetful that he sometimes forgets to take his anti-depressant and then turns into "Mr. Hyde", if you know what I mean... It's very scary and upsetting for me and my youngest child.

    And even though he's been with me through all these years of my illness and has read tons of things that I've given him to read about this condition over the years, he acts as though he has no knowledge of this disease whatsoever.... Which makes my condition that much harder to deal with cause I'm having to explain over and over and sometimes I'm just too weak to say anything at all...

    He tried therapy years ago for a short time (like I said, he can never stick with anything) but it didn't help him at all. And now his job is so demanding, I doubt he would have time to fit it in.... even if he could find someone who was a decent therapist in this town.

    There's so much more I could share, but don't have the energy right now. Suffice it to say, it's a very very tough situation that can stress me beyond description, which then causes my system to crash and my condition to get worse. I'm between a rock and a hard place here...

    And my parents have never been the type to help financially ( they're not really in a position to anyway) and they're stretched thin already with my dad's condition and then my mom has two bad knees now and watches my nephew 5 days a week.

    So I really don't have any support. I'm on my own. My older kids are busy with their lives and although my husband brings me food and supps, and occasionally helps me get to the doctor, that's pretty much it. I rarely see my husband even though we live in the same house. He's pretty much always been this way, but its gotten even worse as he's gotten older and my condition has deteriorated.

    I had always been the catalyst in the home that got things done and brought life and laughter into the home... But now that my illness has so disabled me, I've not been able to be my true self. I used to organize game nights, family dinners and special occasions and host folks in our home, not to mention running the household and taking care of my kids... I was active in church and my kids' schooling, and as long as I initiated things, my husband would go along.

    Since I'm not able to go to church anymore (and haven't been able to for a while), he's just stopped going... And so everything has come to a standstill because I can't be that catalyst anymore with my current condition... And my husband hasn't stepped up to even TRY to take up the slack... It breaks my heart... I was always there for everyone else... But when this illness put a stop to that and disabled me, no one was there for me... Doesn't seem fair... The ironic thing is that I'm not even comfortable having to depend on others and would much rather be the one who is being depended upon...

    I guess I'm just rambling now,, sorry... I'm not all here... Feel very out of it today... But thanks so much for your prayers, Sunflowergirl,and Helena! And Thank you both for sharing your similar experiences with me... I'm not sure what to do, but am praying for guidance, wisdom and discernment...

    God bless you both!

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    Shel
    [This Message was Edited on 04/28/2013]
  7. ... I didn't mean to go on that way about my husband. My husband CAN be a blessing sometimes. I just keep praying for him and about this whole situation... And I appreciate your continued prayers more than I can say! I know that God can change him for the better, just as he did with your husband, Sunflowergirl. So I will hold onto that hope as I pray about all this.

    And thank you for your continued prayers for my Dad too! He def needs the prayers. The chemo hasn't been easy. So thank again!

    And God bless you both!

    Hugs,
    Shel
  8. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    The way you described your husband is exactly what mine is like.

    My husband slipped back to his usual "keep to himself" mode for over a week, he yelled at me when I brought it up....his old habit, and then I told him I realized he's back to his PA habits. That jogged his memory a bit, went to his therapist and apparently talked it over. Your husband wouldn't by any chance be involved in computer work?



  9. ...sorry to hear your husband's reverting back. At least he's seeing a therapist and working on it though... So hopefully he'll make the needed corrections... and replace bad habits with good ones. Like I've told my husband before, the only way to get rid of bad habits is to replace them with good habits... but I think it just goes in one ear and out the other :-(

    To answer your question, my husband does use the computer a lot in his work... and I do know that his job is very stressful... but his behavior is a pattern that goes all the way back to when we first got married. He really changed into someone I didn't even recognize after we were married. I almost left him during that first year, but I was very young (only 19) and was afraid my parents would get mad at me if I left him and not support my decision. My parents have always adored my husband... so I learned to deal with it and try to make the best of it...

    And here we are... 30 years later.... Except now, my health is suffering for it... I don't have the strength to deal with it like I used to...
    [This Message was Edited on 04/28/2013]
  10. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    BUT divorce was unheard of in the 60s in my family. When my brother and SIL divorced after about 25 years of marriage my mother didn't even want her sisters to know.....because SHE was afraid of being judged by them! She was ashamed! So she actually influenced ME to stay, no matter what. I worked hard to get over the hidden anger toward her for the way I learned to live because I was afraid of making her upset. Look at how we live because of what others might think of us.

    And I say I don't like what my husband has "morphed" into! Of course we all change as we age, but he was a terrible father, a terrible husband, and now not a very interactive grandfather. (by terrible I mean absent even though he was around) We went for an overnight trip this weekend to a vacation house my son in law owns. It was enjoyable being with the kids (mostly in a pool) and I felt very relaxed but coming home with just HIM, and the emptiness of this house, I could feel myself getting stressed and my muscles tightening up.

    I've learned to be around him by wearing a walkman most of the time! Listening to a book on tape or music I like (I tuned him out and try to forget)
  11. ... We have an awful lot in common, don't we?! I'm just so sorry you've had to suffer through similar things... I completely understand and empathize.

    I have prayed for decades for The Lord to make my husband into the godly husband, father and man that He created him to be. There were times here and there where I would see improvement... But it was always short-lived... Lasting only a day or two. The bottom line is that they have to WANT to change bad enough to make a permanent change... And my husband has never wanted it bad enough, I guess.

    What I can't figure out, is how he can force himself to do what he needs to do at work but not at home... And not with his relationships (with me nor the kids) either. He not only has a bachelor's degree, but a few years ago completed his masters degree online... Both of which require commitment and persistence. So why hasn't that translated to our family life? The only answer I can come up with is that he doesn't want it bad enough. It just doesn't matter enough to him... And it has affected not only me, but our kids as well.... Breaks my heart....

    When my older kids were growing up, I even tried to build my husband up in their eyes, because I SO wanted them to have a good dad.... and behind the scenes would try to motivate my husband to do things with the kids. He doesn't mind running errands and likes to eat, so I suggested years ago that he start taking each child to breakfast on their bday from the time they each turned 5 yrs old... I would usually have to remind him, but he did at least do that, and my kids looked forward to it every year. And there's a few other examples like that... But he never initiated anything on his own. It is beyond strange to me... It's almost like there's nobody home inside of him... ???

    I used to think that as people age, they grow wiser and become better people... But I was in for a rude awakening... And now, I don't know if that will ever happen for him... He also has never learned from his mistakes, but instead has repeated them again and again... That is another thing that brings incredible stress to me and our household...

    For example, I used to handle all the bills and everything was fine and ran smoothly... but when I had thyroid cancer 15 years ago and had to go through withdrawal of thyroid hormones (they had to remove the entire thyroid), making me very ill for weeks, in preparation for the cancer treatment, my husband had to take over the finances, and our finances have been in a mess ever since. When I got better about 6 months later and tried to get him to hand them back over to me, he would make all kinds of excuses of why he couldn't because he didn't want me to see the mess everything was in. It has been that way ever since. :-(

    I went through a period one summer recently where our power was turned off for like 5 months in a row because he paid the power bill too late each month... Each time he would promise that it wouldn't happen again, but the next month, me and my two youngest kids would have to deal with the upset... I was already very ill at the time and it doesn't take long for a house in Florida to turn into an oven in the summer without an ac or even the power to run a fan. I finally begged my husband to automate the payment to the power company so that it would come directly out of his check each month... But it took me getting VERY upset for him to finally do it... He is passive- aggressive as well...

    I could go on and on, but I won't. I don't know if you've had to deal with some of these things too, Sunflowergirl, but I hope not. It has been a nightmare...

    But I continue to ask The Lord for guidance and strength to deal with all this and this horrible illness as well. And I continue to pray for you and all on this board as well. I hope the therapy for your husband will turn things around again, and soon, Sunflowergirl! I understand all too well. Please pray that I will be able to do what's best for me and my child... Thanks so much! And thank you for your continued prayers for my dad...

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    Shel



    [This Message was Edited on 04/29/2013]
  12. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I totally understand. I've told my husband for years that he's like a robot. If I have him do something 3 times then it's set in stone for him.

    And when you said he was passive/aggressive that made total sense why he is like he is. The book, "Living with the passive aggressive man" by Scott Wetzler was an eye opener for me.

    It's that passive (hidden anger) that makes him not follow thru on so many things. I made my husband read it, then we would discuss things. I basically painted him into a corner and told him he either get therapy and CHANGE his ways or I WAS DIVORCING HIM. He did find a good male therapist and he has been trying very hard. (passive aggressiveness is learned as a young child from how he was treated. They learn to protect themselves from hurts and anger they go thru) He slips off the wagon though and I have to remind him his PA is showing.

    I was angry at something he didn't do this weekend so he had to find his own dinner. Yesterday he came home and immediately asked how my day was, how did the doctor appt. go, and grab the vacuum cleaner to run it thru the LR and FR. I can't vacuum anymore and the cats are shedding something awful.

    I hate to say this but you're at his mercy because of your health and he knows he doesn't have to follow thru. It's very sad because a marriage is supposed to be a help mate to each other.

    I just got lab proof yesterday that I've got adrenal fatigue.....cortisol is all messed up. Did you know that adrenal fatigue comes from years of bad stress. I've told my family for years that stress from their problems is "killing me". YOU have to find a way to release all that tension and stress that I KNOW you're going thru. My doctor has put me on an adrenal supplement. I'm hopeful that I will heal. For me......when I start to feel STRESS then I get fatigued. Think about what you can do to heal yourself.

    Prayers are continuing.

  13. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    Sending lots of healing prayers for your dad. One day at a time~~You will get through this.
  14. springwater

    springwater Member

    Praying for your dear father, may God bless him and send His angels
    to watch over him as he undergoes his treatment.

    May he be blessed with a complete recovery and may God grant
    courage and strength to him and all your family who are anxious
    about his treatment.
  15. ... For your kind words of support and your prayers... It means more than you know! God bless you :)

  16. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Praying for your Dad - that the Lord will saturate him with His presence and love!

    This must be so hard for you and your family. Praying for your sorrowing heart, and for all in your family.

    May God bless and care for each one abundantly.

    Judy
  17. I appreciate your prayers and support more than I can say!

    His chemo has had to be postponed till next week until this wound (from a cyst) on his side has a chance to heal.

    But please keep the prayers coming!

    Thanks again, Judy, for caring! God bless you!

    Shel
  18. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Will keep the prayers coming! Every time I pray for you throughout the day, will pray for your Dad also.

    God bless!
    Judy
  19. Thank you so very much! Bless you!

    I continue to pray for you and all on this board as well...

    Hope you're doing much better lately... Let me know how you're doing...

    God bless you!

    Shel