praying to be broken no more

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by KateMac329, Mar 18, 2006.

  1. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    God, I feel broken.

    I am mad at you and I don't want to be. What is this lesson I am supposed to be learning?

    I know I am not supposed to ask why...

    I can't take this God. I can't take the postpartum depression anymore. I can't take my body SCREAMING in pain anymore. And I can't take what feels like my marriage is falling apart and my Mother's relapse in alcoholism.

    I can't take any of this any longer. I cry all the time, you see me.

    Why give me the one gift I didn't think I could have. Why give me Landon only to bring me to my knees in depression and pain.

    Help me God. I am praying to you to HELP ME!

    I have no one.

  2. angelscare2

    angelscare2 New Member

    Hi Kate, when I read your message, I just wanted to hug you, and cry with you ,because I truely understand . I feel that way sometimes too. I know God will help you,don't give up, hang in there.You are not alone,there are a few of us out here,believe me that truely understand.We must stay together and help each other threw all this.If you have quetions, and need good ideas, to help you with your pain, or anything else just post it. There is alot of people here from all over the world that can help.I will keep you in my prayers. TC angels care 2

    BLUEROSE7 New Member

    Just wanting you to know hun im praying with and for you!!

    (((((Big Gentle Hugs)))))

  4. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Sweety, did you ever see the doc about your PPD? You really need some meds to help you with that as I had it when I had Matt.

    I was crying all the time in the hospital every time they came in to find out if I had named him yet. Hubby and I couldn't settle on a name, it took us days.

    Please tell a doc that you are having PPD and get on some meds to help that.

    Call next week! Don't suffer anymore with this. I don't want to see your marriage fall apart over something that a pill could help.

    Love with big hugs to you and Landon,
  5. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    Praying for you and that you get help with your depression,that your husband understands things more and that your mother get's back of the alcohol.Linda
  6. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`ve missed seeing you on the Fm/CFs board lately. I`m so sorry things are so hard for you. I`m sending healing energy and prayer up for you. Don`t underestimate your hubby. He loves you and will help if you let him. As for your mom, she`s old enough to take care of herself and know better. You can`t control what she does, just let it go.

    Are you taking anything for your depression or is that not possible because you are nursing? I suffered with depression too after my kids were born. There has got to be something out there that will help your depression keep trying.

  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I have been thinking of you, and praying every day for you.

    Has the Dr. started you on meds. for your post-partum-depression? That is the most important thing to find.

    So many people here love you, and will stand by you!

    I see you have so much grief and pain from your earlier life! Having an alcoholic parent is very damaging. It sounds like some of that pain could be emerging now.

    I hope your therapist will be a new support and comfort in your life.

    I so much wish that I could do something to ease your way!!!

    It's alright to vent and yell and cry out your anger and pain to and with God! He can handle it!!

    And it's alright to ask God why and lament with him, pour out your whole being to him.

    I've lived so much of what you're living now! One step, one day at a time he will bring help to you.

    We will all stand by you.

    Love you much,

  8. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    Praying for you and your family each day.

  9. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    The Lord hears you, and He is on your side. It's okay to be mad at God, as long as your honest about it, He knows anyways. When we are honest before Him, that's when he can deal with our hearts.

    Sending Prayers,
    And hug that little boy close,
    and it's okay to cry
  10. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    I started taking an antideppressant about my sixth month in pregnancy.

    I am on 150mg of Wellbutrin and it really helped my depression during pregnancy.

    My husband just left for a three day business trip and I just don't know if I can handle it.

    Landon is fine, I can take care of him. It is myself that I am worried about.

    I just feel so....

    I can't explain it. I am NOT suicidal. Let's just make that clear. However that is not to say that it wouldn't bother me if truck randomly ran me over.

  11. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You are in my prayers, we have different situations, but the bottom line is the same.

    I believe when we think we can't go on any longer, that the Lord is actually carry us!

    Will be praying for you by name from now on, just trust the Lord, there are many wonderful caring Prayer Warriors on this board that are taking your cry for help seriously.

    God bless hon, and take good care of the baby, he is a Gift From God to YOU........

    Shalom, Shirl
  12. Stidham66

    Stidham66 New Member

    I want you to know that I will be praying for you. I have never been able to have children so I don't know about PPD but I know that the Lord knows the depression that you are going through and understands. So, I'll be praying.
  13. Mar19

    Mar19 New Member

    Oh Kate! I wish my arms were long enough to reach out and give you a hug from here!

    My babies (two sets of twins) are now 26 and 29, but I still remember vividly the PPD. It's hard, very hard.

    Shirl, I think, mentioned how the Lord will carry us when we can't go on anymore. It's true, I'm proof of that. He carried me thru the darkest of days and brought me to the place where my feet could once again walk on level ground. I will pray the same for you.

    Being a lifelong sufferer of depression the only advice I know how to offer (besides, of course that you talk to your doctor about it) is that you accept it, embrace it even. Does that sound weird?

    I don't mean that you'll be in this black hole all your life. What I mean is that this depression is now, for a time, only for a time. Live thru it. Pray thru it. Each day, do the tasks you need to do to get thru. In a while the depression will fade.

    This is something I've learned only after many many years of being miserably depressed. Does it make any sense to you? To anyone?? :ยง

    I think what I'm trying to say is that in acceptance you're not wasting the energy your body/psyche could be otherwise using to heal. Again, does this make sense to anyone?

    Be assured that I'll remember you in my prayers. Kiss that sweet little boy for me, okay??

    Love and blessings

  14. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Hon, you need to call your OB/GYN and tell them how you are suffering so they can help you. You don't need to be suffering through depression like this. Obviously the Wellbutrin isn't working anymore.

    You need something else now. Please contact your doctor and let them know how you have been suffering. Help is there for you, but you must seek it.

    Please! For Landon's sake and your own sake.

  15. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    How are you doing today? Anybetter? You`ve been in my thoughts and prayers. I remember how hard it was when I had my first boy. My husband is a farmer and our son was born in April at his busiest time.

    I was all alone with a new baby barely getting any sleep, maybe 2-3 hours. I felt like hell and ill and depressed. I don`t know how I got through it. I didn`t even know I had fibro then which was even harder. I knew something was wrong but didn`t get diagnosd till about 9 monthes later.

    I wish I would have asked for some help from my mother or sister. They didn`t offer so I wouldn`t ask them. I was kind of offended because when my sister had her baby my mother went and stayed with her for about three days.

    I tell you all this to let you know I do understand. Sending mega prayers and healing thoughts up for you. Let us know how your doing when you can.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2006]
  16. matthewson

    matthewson New Member

    Hi honey. You probably don't know me, but I have seen your messages on the FMS board. I just wanted to tell you that I saw an article, I think it was on here, that sometimes it takes 2 or more different anti-d's taken together to help with depression in people who have depression resistant to treatment.

    Do you go to a psychiatrist? If you don't, I think they would be the most likely Dr. to know enough to try 2 medications together.

    I know my neighbor was really bad with a very deep depression and now is on 4 different meds and she is like a new person! Honey, there is hope!

    I will be saying prayers for you to get the right help you need.

    Take care, Sally