Pretty new to this board...hope someone will understand me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CinCA, Nov 26, 2005.

  1. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Hi. I just found this board a couple of weeks ago and have posted only a few times. Honestly, I try not to get too involved as thinking about being "sick" just bums me out these days (I am trying to recover from CFS). But I don't have anyone who I can talk to, so I'm hoping writing this will help.

    Hubby just got a fantastic job offer (came out of nowhere), two hours to the north, so we are planning to put our house on the market in early Jan. and move (rent for awhile; hopefully buy land and build) a month or so after. There's a wonderful public school for our daughter to start kindergarten next year, and the people I've talked to seem so nice. It should be a very positive turning point for our whole family, something that I've been hoping would help me finally overcome what I now know has been CFS plaguing me for the past 3+ years.

    But instead of being elated, I am so sad, unhappy, and just plain exhausted. I never, ever cry, and I've just lost it and bawled each of the past two days. I just get so tired doing the simplest things, like basic gardening, and I got really dizzy and felt really sick when hubby asked me to help him steady something heavy yesterday outside. I just feel like I have zero energy, and I don't want to eat anything, but it's not an option to sit in bed or rest all day, as I have a ton of stuff to do. We have major work to get done in the next month (plus contractors re-roofing and painting...stuff that needs to be done regardless of if we stay or sell), plus all the demands of the holidays. Plus, we have a 4 y.o. daughter who just never stops (she even exhausts her friends), and hubby has been just awful to me this week...snapping at me and getting so mean whenever I've gotten upset and/or stressed about moving. He constantly accuses me of "doing nothing" when our daughter is in school, even though I've logged hours on the phone trying to find a preschool for her to transfer, finding a realtor to look for homes with, trading e-mails and talking about rental listings, as I need to get that set up, finding out when I need to notify all my daughter's teachers, classes, etc. that we're moving, etc. Not to mention washing everyone's dishes, laundry, shuttling our kid all over the place, and all the everyday stuff. And oh, we technically can't tell anyone about this for at least 2 more weeks 'cause of some negotiations going on.

    I am getting more and more stressed when this should be a very happy time in my life. I've moved before...cross-country relocation...so I know I can do this and it will be for the best. But I have no clue how I'll manage all I need to get done when even the simplest things exhaust me and/or get me waaay stressed out/"sensory overloaded".

    Any support or coping ideas would be most appreciated! I think the hardest part is having to keep this a secret...I don't have my usual support network of friends to rely on.

    Thanks so much for listening!
  2. nanna4550

    nanna4550 New Member

    I have FM, so I feel more pain than fatigue, but I can sympathize with you when there are so many things to
    do and too little energy. Moving is a major stress, so
    take it easy and don't worry about doing too much all at once. take plenty of breaks.
    Eat a really healthy diet and get plenty of rest.
    It's amazing how much energy phone calls and e-mails take.
    It'll be no time and all this will be behind you.
    Take care of yourself,
    Nanna
  3. chantoozy1

    chantoozy1 New Member

    Hi cinca I have been where you are as well as hypthiriodism and anemia its a total bummer and I can hear your pain I searched for a natural answer to the breakdown of my immune system which is what cfs is the only thing that has given me an energy boost it helps be to be less emotional when tired and has been the sunshine in my grey skies is Cold Pressed Virgin Cocnut Oil check it out its not expenssive and 3 tablespoons a day will see you on your way but you should get a thiriod test done or take your temperature everyday at same time if temp is down it is a sign your thiriod is not functioning properley I take a natural suppliment for this I get from my naturapath I now have hope everyday that I will continue forward Ive spent years dragging myself around now I have a spring in my step. I know your husband's reaction is difficult it is as my husband would say not easy to see the one you love suffer and he is probably as frustrated as you until I talked to my husband over and over it took him time to understand my illness he started reading about cfs and immune systems and is now my greatest supporter constantly researching you may want to try Vitamin B Complex for the anxiety you are feeling but if you can I'd find a good naturapath they are generally not expensive and in the end will get you better results two MD's I know very well believe that cfs is best treated naturally as the immune system is already under threat Good Luck Cinca I hope some of this helps.
  4. millennia

    millennia New Member

    I don't have any suggestions, the farthest I've ever moved is a few miles. I know how over whelming everything seems to me these days, so I can imagine how you're feeling. I just wanted to say that you're not alone and that you have friends, support and someone willing to listen here. Sometimes just knowing that people know what you're going through can help. It is good to know we're not alone.
  5. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    Even someone without CFS would be overwhelmed by what you are trying to do. Your reactions, both the physical symptoms and the emotional ones are very typical of CFS. All of us are made worse by stress. You have certainly come to a good place where people will understand and hopefully can help.
    Are you getting any kind of treatment? It seems to me that you need a Doctor who can help with your symptoms and hopefully understands CFS. Perhaps an antidepressnat would help , for starters.
    Is there any way that you could sit down with your husband and help him understand a bit about this illness. There is lots of info on this board and some old posts about how to do that. You need support and you need more rest. I'm a little unclear about what it is you need to keep a secret. Is it your illness or the move? If it's the illness, does it really need to be a secret? This is a time when you really need your friends.
    You will find a way to do this but you've got to find some balance.
    I know there will be others who will answer this and will have other ideas.
    Keep posting. There's lots of support here.

    Kathy.
  6. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I feel so bad for you. I know that it must be very hard to have this illness with a young child...on top of all the other life issues!

    I can only tell you what I have HAD to change in my life...and some of it wasn't easy.

    I had to stop pushing myself too far! I was always one of those people...you know, I can do what I have to do?!

    Well, that worked for awhile, but as I aged... and this illness worsened... I realized that I couldn't MAKE myself do what I used to do!

    Maybe if you sit your hubby down and explain exactly where you are with this. Maybe he is just stressed from all the new stuff happening... that he is forgetting how you feel?


    I know for the longest time mine tried, but just couldn't understand...until I broke down a few times, and now he sees better where I am. He really tries harder for me now.

    Maybe you could have family/friends help you with the move?
    Did you mention if you have family near that could help you? Sorry...I forget what I read in seconds!!

    Hang in there and we are here to listen!

    MamaR
  7. tigger5

    tigger5 New Member

    After living in one town for 10+ years, the kids and I had to sell our house and move - all in one month. Once I got to my destination, I looked at that BIG UHaul truck (that I drove - who says a woman can't drive?) and wondered how I had accomplished that huge task. It was step by step and with the help of some wonderful friends.

    Re CFS...none of my family or friends really understand it. Being out west, the analogy I've come up with is to relate it to a picture of an old miner pulling his mule. The mule is sitting on his haunches and is NOT going anywhere. The miner is my mind and the mule my body. No matter how much I will my body to keep going, sometimes it just quits.

    Hang in there!
  8. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Thanks so much for everyone's helpful posts. I appreciate the advice and compassion. To answer some questions and address some points, hubby's family lives nearby and knows about this. No offers to help at all, whatsoever, although MIL said maybe they could take our daughter for a weekend so we can get stuff done. They don't know about CFS and I won't tell them, because they are very hard-line and would refuse to believe anything. They don't even believe our daughter has anything "wrong" with her, other than bad parenting, despite her getting a "mild to moderate autistic" diagnosis a year ago. My mom listens, but she also gets way stressed very easily, so I can't unload on her much. She knows, too, but she can't help as she is halfway across the country. Our daughter stresses her out so much, anyways, that she hasn't even wanted to come back after watching her for a week last year so hubby and I could take a vacation to literally try to save our marriage. So basically no help. But it's been that way forever, so what else is new? I expect nothing less and am flat-out shocked and amazed these days whenever anyone offers ANYTHING for free to me. Sad but true.

    I have been seeing a naturopath...actually 2 separate ones...for over a year as the MD route made me much, much sicker after a very bad case of food poisoning that kicked off the whole thing I know now to be CFS. As for antidepressants, etc., tried those initially as I got the whole "mentally ill" dx, and I had such bad side effects and my health went downhill so fast I'll never try them again. I now know I reacted as I did because of both my very sensitive physiology and the fact I was wrongly diagnosed, over and over again. I am taking some homeopathic stuff and supplements that should help, but my stress level is so high and has been so high that nothing can make that much headway.

    Now my kid is screaming her head off, in a hysterical tantrum, as she has the past several nights for whatever reason. She used to do this all the time, so it doesn't consciously bother us anymore, but it's still very hard to take. Sure she is stressed, too.

    The hardest part is I have SO much to do in a very short time. And I'm outsourcing what we can afford, which isn't much. I really don't know how I'll get through this, esp. as hubby really thinks I'll be on my own with our daughter for 4-5 nights a week for several weeks while we wait for the house to sell, etc. Just today, in interviewing a realtor, they said we shouldn't vacate (or at least should leave our furniture) before the house sells. Yeah, like we can not take our own stuff despite needing to find an unfurnished rental to live in for a few years. It won't happen. Plus, the stuff they want us to do to "stage" the house is pretty impossible. Okay...gotta go. My 4 y.o. just broke a glass, I heard her daddy say. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!!

    Thanks much for "listening".
    C.
  9. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I had gone through something similar before I had Fibro and
    Chronic fatigue and I was still stresed. I shut down.
    Then I slowly dragged my out of the way I felt and just thought 'get the job done' and only think of that and nothing else.

    I would ignore my ex-husbands complaints and do things my way.The move was wonderful and I was much happier in the new location. When I listened to my husbands demands I cried, too. However I told him I'd tka care of things--I took total control and got what I wanted. Ex-husband said things went so well and got over any anger. I really didn't do anything I knew. I just leisurely took charge.

    All in all it worked out OK until two years later when we divorced. Supposedly it was because the Fibro and Chronic
    Fatigue. Actually, I'm glad he's gone. I feel so much better since is I can do what I want to whenever I am able to.

    This is just what happened to me. Take it for what it's worth and Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!
    Hugs...
    NyroFan
  10. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I will be remembering you in my prayers! This is all so much for you...but try to take it a day at a time.


    (((HUG)))


    MamaR
  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I think you need to have a real "heart to heart" talk with your husband. He needs to understand you have real illness that is made worse by stress.

    This is both an exciting and very stressful time for both of you.

    Please try to explain to him your physical and emotional limitations -

    It does not help matters for him to get upset with you.

    Secondly, please consider hiring someone to help you if possible.

    I am sure you are organized, but I have always found keeping a daily "to do" list really helps reduce my stress.

    Take care
  12. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Thanks again for more helpful hints. Yes, the "to do lists" help (when I can actually check some things off of them), although I often forget or am too tired to deal. Tonight, I fell asleep fully clothed (i.e. not even putting on pj's or taking out contacts) around 6 pm. Woke up at 10 when hubby came into bed (I have been such a light sleeper my whole life...even earplugs don't work), and now I'm wired and can't sleep. It goes like this a lot. Back to bed soon...hopefully I won't toss and turn too much. I've been battling this off and on for a couple of years now, without much success. Our daughter took 18 mo. to sleep through the night and still wakes up a lot, so my body clock never was able to reset. I've even tried meds. as well as natural remedies without success (don't work, side effects, or paradoxical reactions, like valerian makes me really wired). I've even done yoga, mediation, warm showers/baths, warm milk, etc. Nothing helps...I'm kind-of used to it now. Part of me wonders if a lot of this is just huge, built-up sleep deprivation.

    Hubby and I talked, to an extent, tonight, although our kiddo was pretty out of control and kept interrupting. She played all afternoon as we visited some friends' house, as well as barely napped, so I'm sure that's part of it. Hubby also suggested just do one thing at a time, and he says we'll get help with what can't get done. The new job includes a huge raise, but we've been so incredibly tight financially as of late (and never had much of a surplus) that I have a really hard time even thinking of "outsourcing" stuff (it is so expensive where we live). I've always been very independent and managed to get everything done myself. So this is hard. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time and make a list tomorrow.

    Thanks again for everyone's help. I really appreciate it!
  13. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    About all I've had to deal with over the past several years is that I've dealt with much of it alone. My friends are scattered across the U.S., and while I have "friends" where I live, there is no one I can just hang with on a regular basis or who really offers to help me out, if you know what I mean. Everyone is so busy with their own lives (we live in a very fast-paced, not community-oriented part of the country). And I don't know anyone with chronic health problems like I've had. So this board really, really helps me. We also are moving to a much smaller, supposedly very tight-knit and family-centered community, so it would be wonderful if I could finally make a good friend who I saw regularly. I've gotten so isolated that any social interaction is quite stressful for me now, so I know I need to get out more!

    Thank you all so very much! It makes going through this much less lonely, which means a lot right now.