Problem w/ a friend, would like feedback

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mbofov, Dec 11, 2005.

  1. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Hi everyone - I don’t usually post personal problems but am somewhat stymied by this one and would like some feedback. For background, I have CFIDS and live alone. Six months ago I moved to a high desert community. I like the area, but because of fatigue, it has been difficult to meet people or have much of a social life. I had some friends when I first moved here but they left unexpectedly.

    Anyways, a few months ago I met a woman whose company I enjoy. She has FM, but is more mobile than I am. We see each other every few weeks, and talk on the phone every week or so. This past week we had planned for me to go to her house on Weds. to watch a movie we both wanted to see. She called me Weds. morning to say that a friend who lives about an hour away was going to be in town so could we reschedule. I live about 35 minutes away from her.

    I woke up sick Weds. morning with a flu-type bug (which I am just getting over), so had been debating whether or not to cancel when she called. I wanted to go because I have to cancel so many things, I think I cancel more things than not, but I hadn’t decided yet when she called.

    But her request felt like a slap, because it is not unusual up here to drive an hour to get somewhere – the high desert is rather remote and to get to major stores is generally at least a 45 minute drive. I was hurt but didn’t tell her, just told her I was sick so it was probably better I didn’t go anyway. I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t know how to handle this, if I should tell her how I felt or write her off. I’m don’t know if I’m being over-sensitive. And this DD makes having any sort of life so difficult. But DD or no DD, I don’t want to be treated badly. It’s not worth it.

    If her friend had been from out-of-state or a relatively far distance, I wouldn’t have minded.

    So any feedback would be appreciated.

    Mary
  2. tejanya

    tejanya New Member

    it is very hard to maintain a friendship with another fibro person. only because they also have to have time out. some just never leartned what it is to be and have a real friend. hopefully she will learn by your example. i also live where it takes 20-30 minutes to go to a little store. it really hurts when we have our feelings not be considered by others that we thought knew us. it is hard to live alone, but it is also a blessing, if we let it be. you are in a place where real relationships can be formed and really appreciated. do you still keep in touch with others from where you moved. or was thier friendship only in your head by the way they treated you? new friends can be cautious due to pain from ones that really weren't friends. if you and this person seemed to hit it off as possibly close people, talk to them. if an open communication can not be held. go to the next part of your life without them. life is too short to have more hassles from users, regardless of how they use you. i hope i am wrong about some of these comments. maybe it was an unthinking action. please talk with them and keep the lines open. some day they will need you to help them understand limitations.
  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Thanks to all who responded. It really does help to hear what you said. I guess maybe I am oversensitive, partly due to this DD. My social engagements are few and far between. If I had a more "normal" life, I might not count so much on someone.

    I took her actions personally, as a slap (that she'd rather see someone else instead of me), instead of for what it simply was. And she did say she hadn't seen this person for awhile.

    So I really do appreciate your feedback. I've had a lot of losses lately (my 24-year marriage ended among other things), I've been sick also, so am not in the best of emotional shape.

    Anyways, I'll call her tomorrow.

    Mary