Problem with co worker

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mjbean, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. mjbean

    mjbean New Member

    Ok so how does one handle a co worker that just does not get what we are going through? Yesterday at work I was so pooped out and I could not remember my code to punch in from lunch so she said to me what is wrong with you! I said I am so tired and I am having problems with remembering things,well she said I am tired too, and I can remember things. I just felt like a complete failure at everything I was doing on my job. So how does one take this verbal abuse with out feeling belittled?
  2. scarletstang

    scarletstang New Member

    Are you afraid to tell your co-worker about fibro and that is one of the side effects? My style would be to print out the info and highlight that particular problem and put in on his/her desk.
  3. ironspine

    ironspine New Member

    Does your boss know? What's his/her attitude toward this? I have told people that fibro is as real as any other disease-diabetes, MS, etc. I had to tell an unbelieving friend this. Printing out the info from the internet is a great idea. There are still lots of people who don't take us seriously-all they need to do is look it up. This website is great for that I think.
  4. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    She doesn't seem very nice and she could use that information against you. I agree with Mystic Brit and I just ran this by my husband and he said, "Stoopid people can't get it."

    I also believe that coming out at work can cause you more problems. I'd go with the comebacks folks are giving you here. If it happens again try to say something at the time because otherwise I think you end up feeling worse later if you don't. She's being mean to you and I'd be sure not to trust her with personal info and I'd steer clear of her as much as possible.

    I just had a bad dream about my former co-workers. I taught for 11 years with mild CFS. I know what you're dealing with. It's definitely normal for us to forget simple things, I usually have to lie down in darkness with no noise for my brain to work anywhere near normal nowadays. But I know healthy people just can't understand this and they don't believe me either.

    I do know that forgetting combos and your own phone numbers and names etc... happens to normal people too. I hate when people are mean about stuff like that though. Some people are just like that.


    [This Message was Edited on 06/28/2008]
  5. LEMom

    LEMom New Member

    I agree with previous posters who said you should not reveal your illness, especially the one who said that they had to leave their job due to it. I didn't note the poster's name, though, sorry, fibro fog. :)

    I was naive at my last job and revealed my illness to my bosses and coworkers. I ended up having issues, and ended up working with the ADA, and because it involved a short term disability issue, the folks who enforce FMLA (don't ever forget about them, if you get into that kind of a situation). I can't talk about the details, because I signed an agreement not to disclose them, but I am content with the terms...I left the company, did not have to pay for a lawyer (well, $250 to look over the contract...the ADA and FMLA folks are paid for by my hard earned taxes), and I am speculating but I imagine the company was not happy about the event.

    Anyway, what I've done since is given the minimal amount of information that is reasonable. And used humor a lot, like another poster said...I really like the "Who are you again?" idea. :) And people are stupid...they don't understand...they don't really need to, do they?

    But if they are a friend, you can have them check out "The Spoon Theory" at, it explains that sick people only have a certain amount of energy, or "spoons" to get through the day, so we have to conserve it, and sometimes we just run out.

    Anyway, I've just motormouthed.... :) Sorry!
  6. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    keep your health stuff to yourself---and I know how hard that is. I've made the mistake twice now and it is very hard not to say anything at my current job. {They definately think I'm crazy or looney but I don't care}

    Friends turn on people at the drop at a hat--TRUST NO ONE!!
  7. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    I've been at my job for about 15 yrs. Last year disclosed both FM and rhuematoid arthritis when asking work accomodations. They agree to the most minimal of changes, increased my workload (slowly but surely)and after having 2 operations within 12 months have to work with people who also think me looney. I'm so ashamed at this point about fogging up mid sentence in a meeting, having to hold furniture to get up or move around the office, I try to stay away and work as much as possible.
    They do turn on you, you're only as good as what you produced in the last 24 hours...what you did for the company means very little today, there's someone younger who'll take half what you make and is still healthy.

    We have productivity evaluations coming up...that should be a real nightmare to get thru.

    But what you said about not just what I needed, its a backward affirmation I need to repeat every day before going into battle...because that's all it is now.
  8. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I would just ignore this and not say anything. She is just showing her ignorance.

    I do not recommend you tell anyone at work about your personal medical condition. People are not sympathetic, or compassionate - they tend to kick you when you are down.

    Sad but mostly true. You need to be your own best friend and just back off from ignorant people. I would have said to her "yes, I am a very stupid person - you are very lucky to be so smart". Don't say it mean, just say it and go on.

    I tell everyone here, no one outside cares about our problems - not employers, not co-workers and sadly sometimes not even family.
  9. mjbean

    mjbean New Member

    on how to handle this situation,and yes she is a friend that I meet in school many years ago and she is diabetic and to her and my other co-workers this is all that matters and of course I did make the mistake of telling them at work that I do have fibro and every thing you guys posted is so true they are so stupid and such back stabbers that I hate my job and want to quit but, financially I can not at least for another 4 years Once again you all have helped me and made me feel better.
    Thanks mjbean
  10. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    I have always revealed the FMS in my job as a direct-care worker in home-health.

    Now that I am injured and involved in litigation with workman comp., they are using it against me, although I was able to perform my duties before the injury.

    I don't know which is better, to reveal it or not. Personally, I am just one that likes to be upfront with everyone, yet in this society, which can be cruel, it can be used against you later.

    As far as your co-worker goes, sounds like a workplace bully. I had to quit 2 jobs in an office because I refuse to deal with the stress. I am fortunate that I rely on my husband's insurance.

    My sister, who is 54 and single and living with FMS, deals with the bullies everyday and her fibromyalgia is always flaring. I feel so helpless for her to see her go through this everyday.

  11. Doober

    Doober New Member

    let anyone get to you or make you feel small or un-important.

    There are lots of ignorant and narrow minded people in this world.

    Usually when someone says these things to me , my general response is "Ok, whatever" and I leave it at that.

    This is one of those statements that tell people that I really don't care about what they just said or that it has not affected me in any way.

    This also let's them know that I will not allow them to act supperior to me in any way.

    Words are just that, words. Some people use them to try to put themselves on a pedestal higher than you. We just need to let them know that they are not better than the next person.

    So, next time someone says some stupid to you, just say "whatever" and walk away. If they keep talking. Keep saying "whatever". They will eventually stop when they realize you do not care about what they have to say.

    It is not worth it to stress our minds and bodies over the words of ingnorant people.
  12. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    The minute I walked into this company I knew I found a unique place. Both my boss and co-workers know what I'm going through and they are all doing whatever they can to make it easier for me. I lost one job because I didn't know WHAT was wrong, and nearly lost a second. I told my boss right upfront and if they try to screw with me, I'll get a lawyer and sue. I am protected under the ADA and I won't go down without a fight - it is now documented that I have a disability. I just got a solid performance rating and a raise, so they'll have to do some serious backtracking to say a few days later that "she's not doing her job".
  13. mjbean

    mjbean New Member

    and I did not let anyone get to me. It was a hard thing to do but, I did it. It seemed as though I had some peace within myself thanks to everyones posts.
    I really believe I could not have felt this relieved without all the advise.
    I am sorry that all of you had to have a horrible ordeal
    like this.
    People should be considerate of each other I guess my mother was right treat others as you would want to be treated..
    Although I started looking for a new job, my fingers are crossed.
    Thanks Everyone ...

  14. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    Look for "that peace within that surpasses all understanding".

    I wish you well in your job search.