PROBLEMS ON THE HOMEFRONT

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by another_painful_day, Apr 5, 2004.

  1. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Hi Everyone!
    I just need to vent...hope its ok.

    I love my husband and we have been married since last August. We both have two kids equaling a total of four. We love ALL of them equally...3 girls (11 1/2, 10 1/2, 6 1/2), and one Boy (9). Here are some of the bits and pieces of my my dilema:

    He babies his 9 yr old son far too much. When I need to dicipline him, my hubby will "undo" what I did to dicipline him...hence the reason why the respect I get from my step-son is dramatically getting worse and worse.I argue ALL THE TIME with hubby lately and THATS getting worse too. I feel we need to discipline ALL 4 KIDS in the same manner. He agrees with that but never follows thru with it. His son has ADHD and learning disabilities. We were also told by the Neuro that he is extremely immature for his age. (he definately is because he cries over EVERYTHING) I am very tolerant of his problems in fact I am the one who noticed them when I first met hubby when he was 6 yrs old. You see back then I worked in a special ed school with Autistic children, Severe ADHD children and various handicapped children and I saw the red flags with my step-son. Now my sweet lil guy is getting the help he needs and is succeeding and we are so proud of him. But I think hubby babies him way too much. I also think its a "guilt" thing hubby feels. You see, hubby got custody of his kids when his son was only about 6 months old. I think he feels bad for what hes been thru. I know I do. Anyway, another story there. I do want to make it perfectly clear that I am always there for my lil guy and I love him with all my heart. My patience has been tapped and I dont know what to do anymore with him. Hubby is NO HELP.
    Bottom line....the stress its causing between hubby and me is getting worse. NOW we are arguing alot in front of the children which is affecting them.

    Im also stressed because I am ill. Hubby has memory problems from when he had his accident 15 yrs ago (you who know me know that story). Since his seizure in February I feel like Im on pins and needles waiting for another thing to happen. SOmetimes I am SO BURDENED by everything that I fele like I am the ONLY parent in the house and I have 5 kids instead of four.

    Yesterday I went to church with an angry heart....I should have went with a pure heart since it was Palm Sunday. I just couldnt get past the anger I have been feeling and the disappointment.

    I love my husband. Hes a truly wonderful man. He does his best....sometimes its just not enough when I need him the most. Its tough being the only parent at times or being the only one serious about the money issues. I dont want to regret our maariage because of anger and because Im so ill lately I have no patience.

    Everyday I pray to God to forgive me... I get so mad I say things I dont mean but I blurt them out anyway...and then carry guilt in my heart. Im not proud for the way I feel.

    I do know that I love him so much...I also know that I wish when I talk to him about our "issues" that not only would he hear me but that he would TRULY LISTEN to me.

    Between him and our children, I feel as if no one is listening to me..... Like I am in a big room filled with people, screaming at the top of my lungs, but not a single soul hears me......That is my frustration.

    I am ashamed to admit all of this but I have no one to talk to. I talk to God...but I dont see any changes.

    I dont want another failed marriage...I want to be with the one I love the most who also happens to be my best friend. I just dont know how to make him really truly listen to what I am saying.

    It hurts so bad...I dont want to cry anymore. I want to rejoice in the gift that God has given me.

    Please say a small prayer...for me, for hubby and me, and for all of us and the household. I really feel like the enemy is doing his dirty deed again. I dont know how to make it stop.
  2. j9miller

    j9miller New Member

    I will keep ALL of you in my prayers. I know it must be difficult to blend together. But with God on control ALL things are possible. Hang in there.

    Phil. 4:13

    Janine
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    up in prayer. You sure are a fine lady to deal with all of this.

    Quit blaming yourself, its not your fault, everyone gets to the end of their patience sometimes. You do have a heavy load to carry.

    I will pray for the Lord to send harmony into your lives.

    It seems your husband needs to realize that your boy needs disipline just like the other children.

    If not, then he will eventually think he is 'different', and that will cause more problems for the little fellow.

    All of you seem to have one thing going for you, and that is love! You must have said it a dozen times in your post.

    God's blessings going out to all of you........

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I have a blended family too and it can be very challeging. My husband and I have two boys together(8 and 13) and he has a daughter from his first marriage. She is 21 now and on her own. When she was a teen it got very difficult.

    It is true that divorced parents feel very guilty and try to make it up to the child. They will give them a lot of material things, or give them their way, not discipling them, etc. THis was the case in our house too.

    I don`t have too much advice except you just have to work extra hard at your family life in this situation. I finally just let me husband totally deal with her the way he wanted. I just couldn`t take the stress anymore.

    I thinking of you and praying that things will work out and get easier. You`ve got so much to deal with, its got to be so hard on you. I hope things get better soon.

    Sandy
  5. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Thanks for understanding. Sometimes I feel like "I made this bed now I have to sleep in it..." yet my ne wlife is so much more rewarding and incredible than it was in my first marriage.
    I think sometimes I get so exhausted from the illnesses I deal with on a daily basis, the stress from my job and all the overwhelming things that go on at home that I begin to focus on the downside and forget all the blessings.

    I need to find "me-time"...its virually impossible. At least tomorrow I get me time...when I go for my endoscopy I get to rest for a little while at least LOL...no kids around LOL!...of course even though hubby will be home rest of the day to take care of the kids, they will STILL come in by me because its always MOMMY that they want LOL! (all you fellow mommies out there know what I mean).

    Thank you all....Ill keep praying. Gid has given me this life for a reason. I know in the long run I am doing a good job. I lose sight of the "good stuff" when I am frustrated and tired.