Psychic JOKES...........

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Feb 16, 2007.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright

    Biff went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. "There seems to be a horrible, dark cloud surrounding me."

    "I know," said the psychic, "and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it."

    Biff thought the fee was high, but, eager to be cured, he handed over the money to the psychic. After pocketing the fee, the psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one.

    Then Biff asked, "What do you call this dark and horrible curse?"

    The psychic waved the match down behind Biff and said, "Mexican food."


    He keeps shaking black crystal ball and says, "Ask again later."

    Every time you draw the Death card, she yells "Go Fish!"

    Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.

    His idea of an "out of body experience" involves whipped cream and women's clothing.

    His spoon bending requires two pliers.

    Sign in window: "As Seen on '60 Minutes."

    During card-reading, asks if you want to "hit" or "stand."

    Insists that your astrological sign is "The Armadillo."

    Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.

    Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.

    Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.


    A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

    "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

    Two psychic healers meet in the street - "You're fine - how am I?"

    Where do fortune tellers dance? .....The crystal ball

    What trees do fortune tellers look at? .......Palms

    When two psychic friends met, one said:

    "You are fine. How am I?"

  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Here's a real life esp story.

    Back in the 50s Jack Paar had the first late night talk show. It was taped at dinner time and shown later the same evening.

    One guest said he had to leave to go see some well-hyped prize fight. Jack asked, "Do you want to predict the past?"

    And here's a joke I found on the net. Lady asked a medium to contact her late husband. And the medium was successful.

    Wife: Oh, Henry, are you happier now than you were with me?

    Henry: Well, yes, I guess I am.

    Wife: Oh, my, Heaven must be a wonderful place.

    Henry: Who says I'm in Heaven?
  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    These are great. I used to work in the same bldg. with a psychic who also had a day job. She introduced herself in the elevator and I told her my name and then I said, "But, of course, you already knew that." We became friends. Her psychic abilities were only so so and, I believe, that is why she had a day job.

    Love, Mikie
  4. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Funny stuff- where do you find jokes on line? I guess I could google "jokes",hahaha

    How are things down your way? Did you solve your wall problem and the doggies?

    I now keep a towel by the door and wipe em down before they can shake, got tired of cleaning the glass on the large bow front china cabinet, lol. Hope your doing well. Carla
  5. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I always figured if a telephone physic could help, she'd call me!