Pun Stories: A Word Game

Discussion in 'Homebound/Bedbound' started by gb66, May 9, 2017.

  1. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    We can take a word and write a little 'pun' story around it. Here is a sample of 'pun' posts that Mikie and Rock created recently:

    "Adidas sneakers are named for the founder, Adolph Adi Dassler. His bro, Rudi, went on to found Puma shoes. I guess they were relatively competitive. I don't know whether they were the sole owners or not. Employees were made to toe the line or get the boot".
    (Posted by Mikie).

    "I salute you and your shoe puns with a rousing toest. And I liked the toen of your post.
    Just a bit arch. As Werner Heisenberg observed, over 80% of all puns regarding
    shoes and feet tend to be on the corny side. When little Werner was just a tot
    in Germany, his Papa wanted him to study the accordion, but Werner said, "Nein.
    I want'um quantum." And went on to win a Nobel Prize for same.

    Werner was never a loafer. He worked hard. And he had high standards. One
    day he returned his new shoes to the store and demanded a refund. "One of them
    isn't right,' he said. (Posted by Rock).
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
  2. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    This is a 'hairy' tale about a cat named 'Whiskers'. It's a serious story and not a 'fluff' piece.

    Whiskers spent much of his life chasing his 'tail'. This activity drove him a little crazy.

    Most nights you would find him 'combing' the alleys, looking for his elusive tail.

    One night, he had a 'brush' with a 'Mexican Hairless' named 'Curly'. Whiskers asked Curly if he might help him find his tail.

    Curly looked at Whiskers back end and saw that he had no tail! He was a Manx cat.

    The moral of the story is that if you spend your life looking backwards, you'll end up chashing your tail, driving yourself crazy and going to the dogs!
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
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  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Great Pun Story, GB! Another master punster in our midst.

    I have a long haired cat named Sylvester for obvious reasons (see picture with his sister Tweety). I got bored one day and tapped him on his shoulders and dubbed him, Sir Vester.

    One day SV was sitting around the condo wishing he had more scratch for treats. The local newspaper, The Scratching Post, asked him to write a column. Instead of a bi line, he got a fe line. His Paw had been a reporter for the same newspaper years ago. That made him purrfect for the job. He decided to write about his love affair with my Roomba vacuum after he started riding on top of it. It swept him off his feet. It was a true romantic tail. These days, he's pretty lazy and is always taking cat naps. He dreams of his days as a cub reporter. He was the cream of the crop of writers and he milked it for all it was worth.

    That was fun. BTW, he doesn't really ride on the Roomba. I tried to put him on it when it was turned off and it freaked him out. Guess he's a scardy cat. To me, he's the cat's meow.

    Love, Mikie
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  4. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Mikie, That is a purrr-fect addition to my Whisker story! Lets keep doing this. We can add to existing posts or start a new subject. :) GB
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi GB and Mikie, et. al

    Great stories. I think there is a cat food named Whiskers. I'd look it up, but it is
    too easy for me to get sidetracked and forget to come back to my post. My grandpa
    didn't have whiskers, but he claimed that in the days of his yute he had been a
    young buck. Whenever he met a attractive young gal he did his best to whisker away.

    He had known some famous folks from the old west. The most famous being Wyatt
    Earp who had lived in Los Angeles with his wife Josephine. Josephine was still
    alive when I was a kid.

    The Burps were originally from Australia. Kinda like the Old West in places with
    dry, sandy areas and venomous animals. Folks said the scenery was beautiful.
    and it would be a nice place if it had some water. Wyatt said, "So would Hell".
    Wyatt's father was in the Consolidated Rabbit and Roo Business. Sold Meat.
    "If it can hop, it's in our shop". Wyatt always said his Dad like to tell jokes but
    tended to butcher them.

    The slogan had a great effect on Wyatt's younger sister Hedda. She also changed
    her name. Became a Hopper, moved to the USA and got a job in the newspaper business.
    Swept up the shop or something.

    Anyhoo Wyatt got fed up with his original last name of Burp and changed it to Earp.
    He had second thoughts about that when his cousin David Burp changed his name to
    Burpee, started a seed company, and got rich.

    "Well, dagnab it," said Wyatt. I could been drawing a hoe instead of a gun. Been
    planting seeds in a garden instead of dead men in Boot Hill." After the 1881 shootout
    at the OK corral, Wyatt was the most famous gunslinger in the country. But he
    also considered him self a punslinger.

    When interviewed by the press he said the whole thing about the OK corral was a misunderstanding over a cookout with the foreman George manning the grill and
    the Clantons didn't relish the results. Also the performance was not au naturale but
    merely en plain air.

    When barbed wire was introduced Wyatt saw a young cowboy climb over a fence
    and get his levis snagged. "He was exposed in the end," said Wyatt. And he wrote
    a post card to his pal Doc Holliday in which he referred to a train ride. He'd seen
    a heard of buffalo with one that was really short: a buff-a-low.

    Wyatt and Josephine, his 4th wife, spent their last years in Los Angeles. Wyatt
    was often consulted about the popular new form of entertainment: the movies.
    He died in 1929 at age of 80. His pall bearers included John Clum. Clum had
    been the owner and editor of the Tombstone paper and the first Mayor of
    Tombstone. If you look him up on Wikipedia you can see a pic of him and
    Wyatt in Nome during the Alaska gold rush. Other pall bearers were the movie
    cowboy stars William S. Hart and Tom Mix.

    “The Old West is not a certain place in a certain time, it’s a state of mind. It’s
    whatever you want it to be.” – Tom Mix, early western film actor


    Last edited: May 12, 2017
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  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    That cat looks just like Tweety used to when she was teasing SV. I wish the video ran longer and showed the baby too. When my kids were little, the cats adored them. One would climb into the little infant seat and sleep with my DD.

    Rock, I can't keep up with your Old West puns. Heck, I can't keep up with New West puns. I did live in Denver which some describe as a 'Cow Town.' Perhaps it's because it hosts the National Livestock Show. We always knew when a storm was approaching from the east because the wind brought the smells from the livestock pens which were there all year long. My neighbor used to say it was the smell of money. I call BS on that. I wonder whether, when cattle are shipped, they travel in steerage class. I'm on the horns of a dilemma pondering that.

    Love, Mikie
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  7. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Rock, that's a great story! Your pun stories leave me in the dust! GB
  8. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Kids

    Always nice to be appreciated. Tnx 4 yur kind comments. I musta proof read that
    thing 5 times. Just found another typo. AACCKK!

    I don't really think you are left in the dust, GB. But you know, if you ever find yourself
    in such a pickle, God always opens a window and tomorrow is another day and every
    cloud has a silver etc. Too bad we don't live in a world where fiction applies.

    Loved the "steerage class", Mikie. That's the first time I ever copied a short video. I'm
    surprised it worked. I wonder if that thing is a gif.

    I feel compelled to point out that most puns are not original. Since the words have
    been around a long time, so have the pun possibilities. Sometimes one can just adapt
    an old one. Or mingle (mangle?) the two. "The fattest knight at King Arthur's
    round table was Sir Cumference. Apparently he ate too much pi." I just found that
    one. I suppose a math teacher might consider it an in-fraction.

    Looked at TCM the other day. There was an old Western. I think it was Winchester 73
    which was mentioned in our game of things named after people. Wyatt Earp has
    been played by oodles of actors. In that one Will Geer played Wyatt. (Saw him live
    at the Hollywood Bowl decades ago.) James Stewart and Shelley Winters were in it.
    BTW Shelley and Marilyn Monroe were once roommates. In Shelley's autobiography
    there is a photo of them wearing the same bathing suit. (Not at the same time.)

    Hugs from your old paladin
    Last edited: May 12, 2017
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  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Kids,

    Rock, did you ride off into the sunset or are you just horsing around? I'm gonna sit here and have Tom Mix my cocktail, a Margarita. Maybe I'll drink it out of my ten-gallon hat. Then I'll get my sombrero and do the hat dance. After that, I'll put on my pill box hat and take my meds. Finally, I'll don my Conestoga bonnet and climb in the old wagon for my trip out West. Once I get there, I'll put on my Panama hat for a canal cruise. On the boat, I'll put on my bowler when I go down to the alley to throw a few balls at pins. When I'm done there, I'll put on my sun hat and lie out on the deck. At bedtime, I'll put on my sleeping cap and nod off to Slumberland. In the morning, I'll put on my swim cap and take a dip. So, hats off to y'all and it's time for someone else to pick up the story.

    Love, Mikie
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  10. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Rock, I feel like I'm "in a pickle" right now. This is off the subject but I am feeling a lot of anxiety this week. My hubby is going to have a prostate biopsy on Thursday and it's very unnerving. I know lots of men have had this done but when it's someone in your family, it's different (or when it's yourself).

    He had a high PSA for years but then it went back to normal only the uriologist felt a small thickened area on one side. Old age is so scary. We're both almost 77 and we've been together since we were 16. Sorry to be such a downer but could really use everyones prayers and well wishes. GB
  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi GB, I hope the biopsy procedure goes well. If DH hasn't already done so, he can read
    about the 3 biopsy procedures that can be used on the John Hopkins Medicine site.
    Best wishes for a negative result.

    My doctor says I have some sort of prostate problem, and a biopsy would be a good
    idea. But I don't want one. All I know is I "go" twice as often as a healthy person.

    So you guys have been together 60 years plus. Wow! I've read that the average length
    of a US marriage is now 8 years. Our chit chat porch has been around one and a half
    times that long.

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  12. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    He's been going every 6 months for a number of years. I think that's probably twice as many visits as most have too. And lots of trips to the bathroom too. I really wish he'd postpone it but he wants to get it over with.

    We've been married almost 59 years but we were 'going steady' in high school. That's a long, long time! :) GB
    Last edited: May 13, 2017
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Dear GB,

    Sending up prayers for your DH. I'm sure you both will be glad when it's done. How wonderful to be married for so long. Please let us know the results.

    Love, Mikie
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  14. hangininthere

    hangininthere Well-Known Member

    Praying for your hub and you. So scary. Hang on tight, GB, I know you are.

    gb66 likes this.
  15. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Kids
    Do you remember Dolly; the sheep that was cloned?
    By Scottish scientists Dolly was owned.
    The subject of many late TV show jokes.
    Some folks just snorted and called it a hoax.

    "You can't pull the wool over our eyes," they said.

    BTW, it was a mammary cell that was cloned, so perhaps you can guess the celebrity
    after whom Dolly was named. If only Dolly had been around in the 1940's, she could
    have joined the cast of 20th Century Fox Studio's film "The Dolly Sisters". Betty
    Grable and June Haver were the talented stars.

    Slim Whitman recorded a tribute to Dolly titled "I Remember Ewe". Dean Martin
    had a chance to make the first recording of this ovine ballad, but he was so laid
    back and casual about his career that he just waited too long to say yes. You might
    say he was asheep at the wheel. No doubt he felt a bit sheepish after that career blunder.

    There could have been other movie possibilities for Dolly if the timing had been a little
    different. She might have joined Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall in "The
    Big Sheep". Or Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy in "Sheeper By the Dozen." (I met Myrna
    backstage in the 60s. A very nice lady. Sixty at the time and looked wonderful.)

    And what about the films Rambo and Rampart? Or great movie quotes such as
    "Wool always have Paris. Dooley Woolson could have played the piano."

    Or, a movie with Dolly could have music by jazz pianist George Shearing.
    Audrey Meadows would make a great co-star. A famous director was interested
    in such a film, but he got into some trouble with the law. Took it on the lam.

    Since "As Time Goes By" has already been used we would need a different theme
    song. Possibly, "Oh, Ewe Beautiful Dolly". And we might work in some silly
    joke like, "Sheep of Fools, Car of Idiots."

    Dolly is gone now (she lived 6 years), but she was a perfect lady. Never
    rambunctious. Never even made a little Bo peep. I believe that if this
    project had been available in Dolly's time, a lot of people would have been
    willing to invest. It was a sure thing; not a gambol.

    Last edited: May 14, 2017
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  16. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Mikie and Patti, Thank you for your prayers. I'll let everyone know how it turns out. GB
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  17. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Kids,

    Rock, I know ewe graduated from law school but did you get your undergraduate sheep skin in punditry? I got up early and hoofed it right to my computer. On the way, I passed a beautiful carving in baa relief. Coming here is sheer delight (I know this one has been used but I couldn't help myself; oh well, I only steal from the best). It's windy out but my door is on the lea side of the bldg. so I went out and got my newspaper. I had my breakfast but usually don't eat proper meals; I graze all day long. When it comes to sheep, I usually spin old yarns of days on the farm. I don't eat lamb for fear I'll become a mutton glutton.

    So, I'll bid y'all adieu. BTW, the comic strip, Pearls Before Swine, often does puns and alliterations. When the creator of the strip does these, the animals in the strip turn on him.

    Love, Mikie
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  18. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    GB, I don't really know, but I suspect it's rare for high school sweethearts to get married.
    Especially today with all the changes in attitudes and ideas about courting and marriage.
    I know in our High School Class there was only one couple that actually married. Talked to
    them at the 35th Reunion. They reported they were still happily married.

    Mikie, nope, didn't get a sheepskin in punditry although some people think most attys
    get one in banditry. BTW at my school the diplomas actually were sheepskin. We were
    the last class where vellum was still used.

    Reminds me of the old joke about Ole. Ven his vife Lena had her credit card stolen,
    Ole said, "Vell, I'm not vurried. Da Tief spends less den Lena."

    Hers sumting fur does seeking a pastoral pastime.

    Wanda wondered through the woods. Placido peacefully plodded behind. "Wood yew
    rather go to the beech," he asked. "Oh, they are both lovely, she said. "It's nice to
    have a break in our rootine."

    "Look over there," said Placido. There's a doe behind the shrub. She tried to hide, but
    I cedar. And there's more wildlife overhead. There's a cedar waxwing. Looks like
    Elmer's interested."

    "Silly dog," said Wanda. "He's barking up the wrong tree. Well, Is think it's time fir
    us to leaf. I want to get home and log on to the computer. Pine Island is having a
    Twiggy festival."

    There really is a Pine Island in Minnesota. A small town, but bigger than my home
    town. Here's a pic. Same plan as our school. It was the High School my mother was
    graduated from. BTW time I came along the town had a new High School and the
    old building was the grade school. A decade or so later it was torn down and a new
    grade school built. But, the schools were no longer next to each other. They were
    several blocks apart. Not convenient for parents with kids in both buildings.
    And now the High School is a consolidated school with a town 11 miles away.
    Ah, progress.

    Well, I hope this post is poplar. I'm going to put on my swimming trunks and lie
    in the backyard. I hope no trash trucks come by. Don't need any pun-gent odors.

    For people keeping score, that are approximately 18 puns in this post. I marked
    a few so you know what to look fir.
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  19. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Rock, my graduating class has some stuff on line and I saw that several of the couples from high school were still married. Two of my girlfriends married in their late teens and are still married. One of my hubbys friends did the same, as well as one of his cousins.

    Some kids today are like babies until they reach their 30's. lol

    My son and I were talking about this yesterday. His son is 29 and teaching in China but when his tenure is up he may come back home to live (My son hopes not). He wants him back in the city but not in his boyhood bedroom. :) GB
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  20. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Kids,

    Rock, I think that's a new record for ewe. I enjoyed reading your post. I bow to the master! We had schools in my home town which look just like the pic you posted. It must have been the blueprint for schools at that time. I've seen similar bldgs. on college campuses. I had a class in a similar bldg. at the Univ. of Colo.

    GB, our neighbors in CO went together in school since they were 16 and are still married. Their daughter and mine have been friends since 1981. There is a new book out about people in their 20's and 30's who are like children. Seems a lot of today's kids don't want to grow up and I can't say I blame them.

    Well, I'm off to the Porch to check it out. Hope all y'all have a funny punny day.

    Love, Mikie
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