pushy friend

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LindaJones, Aug 13, 2009.

  1. LindaJones

    LindaJones New Member

    one of my friends is being very pushy
    she is telling me to get better you have to work on getting better

  2. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Geese, did she give you any details on what to do?

    I am sure a lot of people would like to know. I have said to people that I am following my doctor's advice. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. I try saying this in a nonchalant/not defensive/ confident manner. Not an easy acomplishment.

    One thing I have discovered as time goes by is that I am much better letting other's comments roll off my back. You could tell her this is what you are working on, LOL!!

    It is a survival skill!!

    But I know how irritating this can be.


    [This Message was Edited on 08/13/2009]
  3. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    Gap- that's a great reply, "I'm following my doctor's orders." I'm going to start using that. Thanks :)

    Linda, it sounds like this friend of yours really cares and thinks she's doing the right thing by pushing you. Have you tried educating her? I'm sure people here can help you find an article or two to give her that may help if you're interested.

    This is such a hard spot to be in.

  4. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    I arrived at her house because she is back from maternity leave at work and I am helping to watch my grandson at her house.

    She noticed I was moving very stiffly. She knows I have pain and stiffness, esp. in the morning. I guess she never really believed me. She says, "You look like a freak"........I told her that's being really mean.

    When I do try to explain why I am like this, she talks over me like she doesn't want to hear it.

    Yes, it does p.... me off!
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    therapists told me, You can't get scrimp scampi at McDonalds.

    At you can't change, educate, improve or save other people. Much easier
    to just put the toxic people outta your life.

    Why put up w/ people who make you feel bad?

  6. loto

    loto Member

    Kellygirl, I can totally relate to this post! My daughter is so INSENSITIVE to my Fibromyalgia! And that makes me feel so guilty. I am able to keep a full time job, but by the time I get home I have no energy to do anything else. There are many nights through the week that I don't even cook supper. They're all on their own. And, what makes it even worse is, my daughter is 16, son is 19, and of course husband's there, also. Do you think any of them will lift a finger to cook meals??? NO! They all feel it's MY responsibility as a wife and MOTHER to do it every day. There are some days when my daughter will make the comment, "act like a Mom"! This pisses me off terribly, and some days I just have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry my eyes out.
    I just don't know what to do anymore, to get through their brains that I am doing everything possible at this point, and that it's fortunate I can still do the things I do.
  7. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    My kids are in their early 30's now but when this daughter and my son were teens, they were very cruel.

    I felt like running away, but where could I go?!

    They even found my personal journal and read it!

    My son isn't like that anymore, has grown up nicely, but this daughter still can be cruel. I have to set boundaries telling her I am hanging up, or like today, I told her she was mean. She hates when I tell her she is being a bully. She usually will stop and be nice, or I have to decide if I will stay and take it.

    I love her too much to treat her the same way.

    Just like my spouse. I stay because where can I go? He will say things that I will never say to him. He's into pouting, blaming, having his little tantrums. when he does, I am usually the target, not physical abuse but emotional and I have to try to distance myself until he snaps out of it. He hates everything and everybody.

    What keeps me here is lack of an income...we live very simply, but where could I go?
  8. isiselixir

    isiselixir New Member

    I can relate in a way, my Grandmother and I were on the phone and I started to tell her that my CFS was coming back and she said "you can't let THAT happen again..."
    As if I had control over it! If that was the case I wouldn't have let "IT" happen the first time around.
    Also I have a friend who thinks you just have to use your mind and you can overcome ANY illness, he is always bragging about how he cured his legs after he was hit by a truck.
    Some people just don't get it.
  9. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I know how you feel. Right now I feel forgotten, by everyone. I've been sick for maybe 5 years now and my friends were there in the beginning, but after that, they started dropping like dead flies. I tried what they told me and when it didnt work, they practically called me a liar. My family is the same way. I hear all the time "why are you still sick", "there has to be something you can do". Well, there isnt.

    In time your friends will stop being pushy, but my fear is, they will slowly drop away, like mine did. I hope someone here has better advice.

  10. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    That is too funny........not letting THAT happen again. People say the dumbest things!
  11. SnooZQ

    SnooZQ New Member

    IMO, pushy people who tell us "not to let it happen," are people who at some level hold the belief that they are "in control" and/or "working hard" -- and that is the reason why THEY are in better health than we are.

    There's a sort of moral superiority that comes through when people say these things. And when one examines "superior" statements -- what they often seem to reflect is both a put-down as well as a defense against feelings of inferiority and/or fear.

    Sometimes these remarks are mixed with a truly helpful intent & desire that we enjoy good health. Awkwardly phrased, perhaps.

    While many times it's best to let the comment pass, or to drop the relationship, sometimes, with people we're in frequent contact with, there is benefit from a more prolonged discussion. When the time & place are right for you.

    One way to launch such a discussion is to get clarification on what has been said. Then to get clarification on what the person's actual knowledge of the disease is. Be ready to educate -- recommend a specific book title from your local public library, or perhaps an educational website.

    While we all have some factors that we can control to some degree & perhaps work on (you know them: diet, exercise, habits) -- being an angel doesn't guarantee you won't come down with one of our DD.

    Each of us, at some point in our life, will face death, and many of us will face chronic illness. No amount of control, goodness, or hard work exempts us. Confronting the fairy tale/fantasy (that we are in total control) & reckoning with reality is really tough.

    It's good to develop a little compassion for those who have not yet matured into a full understanding of the human condition.

    Best wishes.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/16/2009]
  12. isiselixir

    isiselixir New Member

    I couldn't have said it better, I agree with everything you said. Very well put!
  13. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    If that's all your friend said, well i think your friend cares about you.

    Just be glad your friend is not saying bad things to you.
    Work on getting better doesn't sound pushy but
    if you feel your friend is pushy then be straight forward with this friend.
    You may find this really isn't a friend at all or you may find this is a True Friend.

    Wish you well