PVLady- about isolation-

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bunnyfluff, Feb 27, 2006.

  1. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    I do the same thing. My therapist says that it is because I have learned to not trust at an early age, but I found that so many people just weren't worth my time and effort.

    She told me there are lots of good people, and I should get out there and try to connect more, but the effort seems huge, and my energy limited, so it is just easier to stay inside my own little world.

    I have to admit- I have found some good folks here on the board, but also lots of ppl with so many family issues, etc., that I don't have, and the thought of making a friend and then having to go thru a messy divorce with her and all of that anxiety or something like that just doesn't seem worth it. I just don't have the energy to deal with it, and the stress makes me feel horrible.

    My family goes out of their way to be sure my life is as easy and stress free as possible. The only agruments we have around here is when they think I am not taking good enough care of myself- they get really mad at me.

    In my opinion they could empty the dishwasher more often.....

    So, anyway, I don't know if isolation is a bad thing, given all we have to deal with. I think it's almost like self-preservation.

    Just my opinion.
    Bunny
  2. artseyone

    artseyone New Member

    Do we isolate because having to explain to others how we feel is too frustrating? We can be alone in solitude w/o isolating..Some of us enjoy our own company and we don't have to explain...I isolate because I feel too bad to go out not becaue I don't like being around others..This just happens to be a time in my life where I need to be alone to rest when I need to.
    I find it difficult to make plans because I may feel good the day I make date but horrible when the day comes and I have to cancel. It's hard to make obligations.
  3. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I wish I could find a good therapist. I can believe what you are saying about learning not to trust at a early age.

    I am just more comfortable I guess. I find ways to adjust. My husband is also very good to me, no problem at home, and he understands.

    I do keep my life as stress free as possible - I am glad I am not the only one.

    I can't really isolate completely since I have a business - I talk to customers and a couple of people who work for me. I guess we always want to make ourselves feel guilty, like we should be like everyone else, of whatever we are doing, is not good enough.

    Truth be known, many people I see who look "normal" probably have tons of problems - I just don't see them. Not that I want anyone to have problems -

    Thanks again for your thoughts...
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    TOLD not to put people on pedestals. I guess it might be ok w/ a washer/dryer. Not too high a pedestal tho.
  5. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    so I do talk to people all day, but superficially. My therapist says I keep a wall built up around me, and I don't let people in. But I don't want them in. I don't want them in my business, giving me advice about my health, pushing me to do things I don't want to go do.....

    And I agree, I don't think most ppl have any idea what it is like to live with a chronic disease, and then there are some that do that just want to whine about it. I have not joined a support group for that reason, but my thought is that maybe I could find a friend that also had this DD, that wasn't a whiner, that would maybe hang out once a month or something, and didn't have any major family/in-law/relationship issues. Not too much to ask, right?? LOL!

    I guess that's why I'm still sitting here.....
  6. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    From a little further up the freeway. I am to the point I am all for isolation...I've dealt with so many nasty people. I can completely understand where you are coming from...people don't get it, and when you can't think straight or follow through on committments 'cause of your health, it gets to be where you say, "What's the point?"

    I really just wanted to say hi and thank you for your helpful replies to my posts in the past. I hope you are doing well and enjoying the beautiful weather today.

    Take care,
    C.
  7. bluestanglady

    bluestanglady New Member

    I'm so tired of people not understanding FM that I feel like I do stay at home more and more because of it. I used to be so active in church -- playing keyboard, singing, playing in orchestra, teaching, etc. You name it, I did it! But then when I got to where I couldn't do all the things they were used to me doing, it was almost like 'out of sight, out of mind.' When I'd try to explain, I'd hear 'oh, I know, I'm tired too,' or 'we all have our aches and pains.' I even had a dear friend's husband come up to me at church after being out one Sunday and say 'oh, so you decided to get out of bed this morning.' People just don't understand, so I just don't try explaining anymore. I've learned to say no. I don't go out much because I can't afford it. I can't go to the gym because I can't afford it. I do what I can at home, but it would be nice to go to the gym and actually see people. I used to be a court reporter and I made really good money and was in the 'circle' of lawyers, judges, law enforcement, etc. Very exciting and busy. Now I'm collecting disability and mostly stay at home. What a lifestyle change! I would love for a friend to call and say 'would you like to go to lunch today?' but no one calls because they all work!! I wrote in another post about support groups but haven't had any responses yet. I thought a support group would work and find people who could meet for coffee, lunch, just talk, but that was a totally useless experience. I'll bump up my other post. I'd love your imput on support groups in your area. Anyway, I've talked enough!

    "Bee"
  8. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    I actually have CFS and thankfully "only" CFS, but it still can be just as isolating, because of the low energy/"bad" days. Luckily, I went through a lot of the emotional stuff way before, as I was blessed with a very high-needs, severely colicky little girl who was later diagnosed with high-functioning autism. She does well enough now no one can really tell, and part of me thinks she doesn't even have it, but she still is so much more work compared to the average kiddo. When she was around 2, it was so bad I couldn't take her anywhere and had to cancel everything. Around that time, I also got bad food poisoning, which started the real downward spiral in my health. So I found out then who my friends were...all ONE of them within driving distance (seriously).

    I've been through so much and seen so many people flake on me, be utterly distrustworthy, etc., that I am to the point where if a good friend falls out of the sky, that's great, but I stopped searching a very long time ago. And I am only 37. Fortunately, I'm an only child, and fiercely independent, so I am used to being alone and in a perverse way kind-of like it. My daughter is also so busy and just never, ever stops moving or talking, so it's nice to have time to myself.

    Sorry you are having such a hard time...it must be very difficult living on disability. I used to have a very good job myself, although I did choose to stay home with our daughter, and fortunately my husband took a wonderful job opportunity (although I am none too happy about the need to relo 100 mi. north). At least I will have funds to seek healthcare, to an extent, if I need it, as the new company has excellent insurance benefits. I am very fortunate in many ways.

    Thanks for replying back, and I hope you have a good rest of your week.
    C.
  9. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    So that's why I didn't reply to that post. Good luck finding something!

    C.
  10. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    drive and there isn't much to drive to near me anyway. I had always made the best friends I ever had by living
    next door or near them in the past. Now the neighbors on one side have a
    6' wooden fence and the other side they don't speak English.

    I agree about meeting people too that "seem" to be ok with their lives and marriages until you get to know them a little and then finding yourself in the middle of Iraq, and by then you already like the person. The last one had been married to a heroin addict and she was hiding out from him with her grandchild. I didn't like her that much! LOL! Seriously I just dropped it.

    I am sort of used to being alone though having just one close girlfriend "would" be a heavenly thing at this point. Oh well.
  11. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    It reminds me of the neighbor I had across the street I liked and we would have drinks in the evenings some times and talk girl talk, or go buy shoes or something. Her husband was this horrible, abusive, possessive redneck that accused us of being lesbians, and just basically made her life Hell until I quit seeing her.

    I had another neighbor who's husband didn't work 9 months out of the year (he did taxes), and if we would go out for the afternoon he would refuse to change the baby's diaper, so she would have to worry the whole time she was gone. That's the crap I mean. It's so screwed up. My kids are grown, so I didn't want to go shopping or out to lunch with a newborn or a 2 yr old in tow, and I think she wanted the chance to get out, too.

    Anytime I have tried to have a guy for a friend they have raped me or tried to.......So, what's the point? Anyway, thanks for your replies. Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.