question about church

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by sixtyslady, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    this has really been bothering me,so here goes.
    I can"t find a church,over the past 2 yrs I"ve been to several.I just don"t feel like I fit in.
    for one thing I don"t always feel well enough to go every week,and if I miss I feel like everyone doesn"t think I'am serouis about going.
    then I think because of our age people wonder why we don"t have a church.
    when my father-in-law was ill we started to go to church with him, and then when he went into the nursing home.we continued to go to his church,my hubby felt so good because his dad had been a deacon there for 40yrs and that was the church he went to as a child.
    there was a new minster there young and had only been there a short time.
    the people where very nice to us especially 2 couples.who lived in the same sub divison as the minister.
    when my father-in-law passed. they became very cold and distant to us.we continued to go to church for the next 4mos. but they just where very cold to us.
    We just felt so betrayed,because these couples just where so overly nice to us at the start,hugging us everytime they saw us and asking us to go out for dinner with them after church and then they acted like they didn"t even know us after my hubby,s dad passed.

    I just feel uncomfortable around overly friendly church people now.
    anyhow does anyone else have any suggestions,I"d truly like to find a good church,the last one we went to the minster stated that they where looking for young familys for their church. sixtyslady
  2. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    Hi Sixtyslady,

    I don't know if I will be able to help or not, as I am going through a similar thing. I am going to a church my mom has been going to all her life. I have moved from here and have belonged to other churches since I did not live around here for many years during my first marriage.

    I am back in the area now and have been going with my new husband. It does not feel very friendly there to either of us and people say Hi and act really friendly, but there seems to be something missing. I think a lot if it has to do with me not being very active, I have a very hard time getting around, I walk funny and I have too much pain to do things that I may like to get involved in that are at night.

    An example is I used to sing with the choir at this church, but I found myself having a hard time going to practice at night and then I started to drift away from it. I just don't think people know what to say when they see me now. I don't go to church every week either, since my husband and I go to visit his family on weekends when we get a chance and I do not always feel well enough to go either.

    I don't know why the minister at the new church you went to said that they are looking for young families, except that most churches are looking for a way to get younger families to come since there does not seem to ever be any in between age families at any church you go to any more. He probably did not mean anything else by his statement, at least I hope he didn't.

    It is hard to fit in at a new place and sometimes it does take time. I agree about overly friendly people though, a lot of the time they are more talk then anything else and can be very cold. Most of the time though, I think people that are going to church really are there because they are trying, trying to do good and to fit in too.

    Well, I guess I just rambled on and on and did not really say much to help. I have been trying to just enjoy the Pastor and the service, since it really is good and the fact I get to see my mom and make her happy that we go, that is nice too. Hopefully getting to know the people there better , will come in time.

    I wish you the very best

    God Bless you


  3. caffey

    caffey New Member

    I hear you about you your struggles. I don't know if I can explain this properly. If it doesn't make sense please let me know I will try and explain it more clearly.
    The big problem is that our needs are so different than healthy people and when people aren't walking where we are walking it is impossible for them to understand us and they get frustrated and we get frustrated. Anyways here goes.
    I am the associate pastor of a church for people with physical challenges ( for lack of a better phrasing). The Senior Pastor has hep.C, hemophilia, oa, and epilepsy. We have re-defined what is church? We don't have church in the traditional sense of going on Sun. morning to a facility. When we were both feeling better we had church at around 12pm because as you know it takes so long to get ready. But now we aren't well enough to do that so we have church on the phone. We talk about the Lord, share Scripture together and pray for each other. We do this with several people. This can happen any time, any day. It is not a formal thing. It is not a long time. It is kind of like having a home church. I also consider being on the worship board going to church. We talk about the Lord, share our struggles, encourage each other, pray with and for each other, share Scripture and have a mid week prayer meeting ( tonight). I don't know if that has helped you or not. I guess I am trying to say that with our illnesses we have learned to be creative about church and how to do it.Oh yeah we don't care a hoot about people's family situation, or financial status. Everyone is welcome. Remember Jesus said where 2 or 3 are gathered together He is there. I don't know if that helps you or not. But you are more than welcome to come to our church but wait I believe by you being on this board you are in church. If this doesn't make sense or isn't what you are looking for then I pray that God will lead you to a church that will meet your needs and that you will be a blessing to them. God Bless.
  4. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    thank you to both of you.
    I just felt so let down by the people at my father-in-laws church that I feel like alot of people who call themselves christian are phonies,
    and I know that has nothing to do with having a relationship with Jesus,and I feel I have that. and I watch alot of different ministers on t.v. and enjoy it.
    I have learned so much about reading the bible from these t.v. broadcast,much more than I ever learned going to church.
    and I can"t take being out at night events either ,just don"t have the strenght for it anymore.
    its also very hard to sit in church for more than 2hrs at a time on Sunday mornings.and then if you attend sunday school classes it s more like 3hrs.
    I just feel like God is telling me to find a church.and I should listen. maybe I"m trying to hard,I tend to do that.maybe I just need to sit still till Its very clear to me where God wants me. thanks again,Blessings sixtyslady
  5. caffey

    caffey New Member

    please please don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Like you said you do what God tells you to do. He will let you know when it is time. It is ok to take a break and just "be". I believe there are seasons to just curl up with your Bible and a cup of tea and just be quiet with Jesus. Also we are in a different place with our illnesses. Hang in there. God Bless.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/07/2006]
  6. Pottersclay

    Pottersclay New Member

    There is no perfect church because of sin in all mankind.

    We have visited several churches and finally settled in one we are happy with. People are friendly. Some don't say much of anything to us. Each person is different. In one church I went to some came up and were overly friendly...then stuck their noses in everyones business. Some might only say "hi." One of my closest friends I met in this certain church we used to go to. Didn't talk to me for at least a month. I might get a HI and that is it. When people are shy this can be taken as snob like. After Shelly finally had the courage to chat for a bit....we became the best of friends. I think some wait it out to see if you will stay or drift on to another church too.
    My friend Shelly is now going to our current church because of the nosey busy-bodies. She just told me one of her worst fears is that no one will feel comfortable being around a child she cares for that is severely disabled. The child is 13 years old and has the mentality of a 9 month old. The last church people treated her like "What are you bringing THAT child here for?" She is a home health nurse. Taking care of this child is her job. I know sometimes "I" get uncomfortable around disabled people..but it is mainly because I don't know how to handle them. Example: a person with Downs Syndrom. Maybe that is the way many people are, I don't know. The child Shelly takes care of is like an infant. I can get her to smile and coo. We all have to get used to someone new or someone with health issues we may not be familiar with. I think the best thing I can say from experience is explain....explain...explain. That will take the fears away...break the ice for a and say hello. Gotta start some where.

    I'll pray you will find a church where you have friends waiting to meet you for the first time. The best friend I have? JESUS! He is the ONLY one who will never leave you or forsake you. Friends can't ALWAYS be there when you need them. HE CAN!

    Take care and God bless
  7. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    I can't help here because I don't go to church. I can't say that I don't miss it because I do. Especially this time of year around the holidays, when the world seems to be such a large lonely place unless you have a large family or church.

    However, I have quite a collection of been there, done that and got the "I've been hurt by churches" T-shirt to prove it....LOL. I would love to just find a prayer group or small Bible study group, instead of being eaten by the whole big church monster.

    Sorry to sound trite about this because I do understand what you're going through with it. It bothers me from time to time also that I don't go to church but then I remind myself that God isn't confined by walls and by church politics or clicks. God IS the church and the funny thing is, most people in church don't know that.

    Good luck sweetie, it's a hard position to be in and one that I don't think God really wanted for his children.

    Take Care
  8. LOVED

    LOVED New Member

    i am praying that the Lord will lead you to the right church. or maybe a small group. church hunting is exhausting even if you feel well.

    i went through a long season of dreading church(one we had been in for many years) because of problems with our son and my dd. for me it was because i asked the Lord to make me transparent(no more games) and i just couldn't handle the questions.

    i do think christian fellowship is impt for us with dd because we are all ready isolated.

    God was gracious to us and when we moved to nc led us directly to a phenomenal church. but right now i am struggling with getting there and of course, the "guilts" are hovering around.

    personally i feel that if i can't sit for long or hurt too much, the Lord certainly understands and He doesn't "guilt" me. If people in the church are not understanding, that is their problem. i have seen over the years that people like that end up being "blessed" with something and dramatic changes take place in their attitudes. remember what they say..."the church is the only place where they shoot their wounded".

    alot of christians just don't know how to respond to continual illness or emotional issues. the church is not that different from america's microwave mentality. a quick fix is expected and when it doesn't happen, they don't know what to do and so they leave you alone. if you are not healed immediately, it causes them to ask uncomfortable questions they would rather not deal with.

    anyway, we go to church to worship the Lord. fellowship is great but is not the primary thing.

  9. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    you all have made good points.
    I guess because most of us with this d.d.don't really look that sick,people just can"t understand,if Dr,s can"t understand then regular people don"t have a clue.
    Its just that I miss going,to church but I've not been able to find the right one.
    I think I"ll go to my home town church xmas,its not to far from here and my sister goes there.Its a big catholic church and they remodeled it last year,my sister has been wanting me to see it.
    I've not been catholic since I got my divorce although I"d go to mass sometimes.
    when I got remarried, I no longer was consider a catholic.

    but I just heard a minister on t.v. not to long ago and he said the bible says it hates divorce. but that doesn"t mean God hates the people who have to get a divorce.
    strange how doctrines can really drive us away from a church.
    Blessings sixtyslady