Question about how far touching is allowed in massage therapy

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cyberamy, Apr 13, 2003.

  1. cyberamy

    cyberamy New Member

    I have been going to this massage therapist several times now as he says he has many fibro patients and uses a different technique than deep tissue massage. Well this fri I went for the fourth time and had the 1 1/2 massage. He was working along my spine and went down to my tailbone and I felt this was too far and very uncomfortable. Was this right ? You have to go in "The crack" of your butt a bit .(sorry lol) but I have felt grossed out by this. Tell me if this is what they normally do.
    I have felt weird about this all weekend! This is soo embarrassing to ask and I 'm blushing! thanks Amy
  2. cyberamy

    cyberamy New Member

    I may look into a female therapist. I have had the hee bee gee bee's about this all weekend! take care,

  3. stillafreemind

    stillafreemind New Member

    I do believe it is like the previous poster said..the base of the tail bone is probably chucked full of nerves and whatnot..BUT, if you are not comfortable with who is doing the message..I do not believe that you will benefit as much from it.

    There are plenty of message therapists out there..I would just try another one. And maybe you could tell the next one that you are not real comfortable sometimes with the message and maybe he/she could keep you updated on what they are doing before they do it.

    Do not give up..and have a great day.
    .. Sherry
  4. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I used to do massage therapy (when I could afford it) & had a female therapist who was great & experienced with FM clients. I got a lot out of it, but at least half the benefit from it was feeling totally relaxed afterward---felt it did as much for my psyche as my body! But, if you aren't comfortable w/this guy, you will not fully be able to relax & benefit as much from each session, I don't think. BTW, my therapist never went that close to my tailbone----of course, there are many types of massage, & different styles & nuances. I'd suggest a female (I would only have a female if I were to do it again. I'm sure there are excellent male therapists out there, but for me, it's a comfort thing....)

    Don't give up, just look around for a female therapist you feel more comfortable with!

    Good luck, Amy!

  5. Kurt

    Kurt New Member

    I have seen a massage therapist on a number of occasions. My massage therapist has massaged me in that general area. If you are uncomfortable, then you should probably discuss it with him. My experience is that it is a little uncomfortable to have a stranger massaging your entire body. Chances are, he was probably giving an innocent massage. However, I was not there, and you are the best judge of that. Maybe you would be more comfortable seeing a female therapist. This is probably wrong, but I would not be comfortable with a male therapist!! :p It is a guy thing, which I know is silly. This issue always makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where George got a massage by a male therapist!!! LOL I recommend you discuss the issue with him or change therapists.

  6. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    If you're uncomfortable, then either ask the therapist to stop, or get another therapist. I actually had one massage therapist try to go way farther than that--not sure if I can actually post it here--but use your imagination. I was horrified and never went back.

  7. abjessop

    abjessop New Member

    Hi Amy,
    I have to agree with Emily and everyone else: if you aren't comfortable with your therapist, find a new one. If that's the only thing bugging you, discussing it with him may be neough.

    But its been my experience that when you take your underwear off, they are less cautious about going into the buttock and hip areas, sometimes uncovering my buttocks completely. When I leave my underwear on, they dont' go below the waistband without asking.

    Personally, I find massage in those areas very helpful for lower back and hip pain.
    Good luck,

  8. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    do something that will make the patient feel uncomfortable. When I was in therapy, Mary my therapist would always ask me if I wanted a hug at the end of the session. If I did that was fine, if I said no, she was okay with that too. And she always reminded me, anything I say or do you are not comfortable with, just say so and that in itself made me feel like I had some control over the situation. Go with your gut. If the guy makes you feel creapy, probably a good reason for why you feel that way.
  9. baby-bear

    baby-bear New Member

    I would feel the same way...I would read all the previous posts and go with what you feel in your heart...YOUR GUT. To me I would not like this.... but in my opinion I would think he would say something to forewarn you about rubbing at that spot. Ya know? I had a female Ob-Gyn make moves on me and I was horrified for weeks. I finally got over it and never went back either....I do know how you feel......Pammy
  10. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I always get massages and they help a lot. They have done the tailbone area and the buttocks many times on me. I don`t think he did anything inappropriate but if it made you that uncomfortable then you need to tell him that or find someone else. Good luck.
  11. LauraC

    LauraC New Member

    I think maybe your therapist went too far. My son is a massage therapist. They are people just like anyone else, and some are more sensitive to the "personal space" of others. You need to find someone who is sensitive to yours. Trust is important in a massage relationship or it it will be counterproductive. Trust your own feelings and find someone you feel comfortable with.
  12. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Amy~~I'm 53 and have gone to massage therapists for the past 20 years. I've found that truly professional massage therapists will "ask" before going into an area of your body that is "private". They want you to be comfortable, know what they are doing, and why.

    The only time I've had any problem was when I went to a male therapist. I have always gone to female massage therapists because I just feel more comfortable. But, this particular time my niece got me an hour massage as a Christmas present at the Spa that she worked at.

    He had no respect for keeping me covered or warm, and I had to keep pulling the very small towel he gave me up over me, and I was so cold and uncomfortable with him that my body tensed up all over, and I didn't enjoy it a bit. Then while I was laying on my back, he whipped the towel completely off me in a heartbeat exposing every part of my body and began to massage my boobs and working his way 'down there'. I felt totally humiliated, embarrassed, and angry. I got right up, told him I thought he was a predator preying on the innocence of his patients and abusing his position as a massage therapist, and that I was going to report him to his licensing agency. And I did. Apparently, there had been previous complaints about this guy, but they hadn't done anything about it until they had received several complaints about the same thing. He ended up losing his license.

    I would encourage you to go with your instincts. You have to be able to trust your massage therapist and surrender your body to their capable hands, and in order to do this you must feel comfortable and safe. Otherwise, you are wasting your money and not receiving the wonderful benefits of massage.

    For the past many years, I have gotten my massages from two women who live together and are infact lesbians. However, although I am "straight" when it comes to sexual preference, I do not have a problem with gays. These two gals are extremely professional, are licensed and certified in a multitude of healing practices, and are sensitive to the clients feelings and needs. I am always covered with a warm heating sheet which they roll up and down depending on what areas of my body they are massaging. One works on the upper half of the body while the other works on the lower half. They have a beautifully decorated room in their home that they use for massage therapy with relaxing, mystical music playing, scented candles for light, a waterfall that sounds like a soft, babbling brook, and use various essential oils for healing and aromatherapy. It is a relaxing delight for all the senses, and to have both the upper & lower parts of the body massaged simultaneously is an incredibly nurturing and healing experience. They know all my various ailments, and anytime they want to use a different type of massage on me--they talk to me about it first, tell me how they do it, the cost if extra, and how it benefits the body. They are the Best massage therapists I've ever gone to, and when I leave there--I feel like I'm floating on a cloud! And though they give me a thorough massage from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes--they have never touched my "privates", and always make sure that I am covered, warm, and comfortable. Plus, they educate me on how I can do self-massage and the various essential oils that help with different parts of the body, the mixtures to use, and what benefits they produce. They also taught me reflexology on my feet & hands, and that has been a tremendous help and pain reliever. Something I can do at work and after I get home from work. It has been extremely beneficial to me.

    But, considering the time & energy you have spent feeling uncomfortable and questioning the ethics of your male massage therapist~~it sounds to me that you would feel much more confident, safe, and comfortable finding yourself a good female therapist because if you went back to this guy--you would always be wondering, tensing up, and not getting the full benefit for which massage was intended.

    This is what we call "busted therapy". I am a licensed psychotherapist with 30 years experience, and I never hug or touch my clients unless they make the initial gesture. Many come and hug me after a session; others come over and give me a hand-hug. Some just reach out and touch me on the shoulder. They feel safe & comfortable knowing that "they" are in control of any touching.

    Massage is such a wonderful, feel-good, beneficial therapy for us, and I hope you find a good therapist that not only gives good massage in a relationship that you feel totally relaxed, comfortable, and safe in, but one that teaches you how to do self-massage and reflexology in between therapy appointments.

    Please don't vex yourself wasting any more energy on this guy. Resolve the problem by asking around for references or call different massage therapists listed in your area and ask them if they are fully licensed, what types of massage they do, if they are familiar with FM and/or whatever medical problems you have, the cost, if they use essential oils (these used correctly work wonders), and how long they've been in practice. And set up an appointment with one that feels right for you.

    Later, if you think that massage in more private areas of your body would be beneficial, you can talk it over with your massage therapist. Blessings to you, Carol...

  13. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Over the past two years I have had regular massage therapy, at first with a variety of therapists and for the past 22 months or so with the same one.

    My present therapist works on my buttocks through the drape over me. It allows her to knead the areas that are very knotted while remaining unquestionable in her professionalism. This is something that I really appreciate. At the previous center I went to I saw several therpists, which is why I left, and none of them attempted to work on this area. Since it is so knotted and painful for me I am happy that my current therapist does this.

  14. jka

    jka New Member

    i go to a female.i feel more comfortable with her. she also goes all the way down my spine to the top of my buttocks.but she is very careful to keep me covered in private areas.maybe it's just the idea of it being a man.i think i'd be uncomfortable going to a man.

    kathy c
  15. starstella

    starstella New Member

    has done some treatment on me in that area (of course i was clothed), so i do feel that your therapist was probably working within an established realm of treatment. Someone mentioned the seinfield episode with george and the therapist. i could really relate to that because when i started with a physical therapist (male) i would have to expose the whole buttocks (and in that bright florescent light, no less (lol)but you have to remember, the buttock area is just another body part, the therapists probably think nothing of it, and, inappropriate touching could lose the therapist their license. think about what is more important to you at this point, your trust in this therapist or the need to be with a female therapist.
  16. nancyneptune

    nancyneptune New Member

    I had a female masseuse and I had to ask her to do my butt. It is the one thing that hurts the most and she never would do it. Then after I asked her to she did it that one time and had to be asked every time I needed it done. I said, don't you feel comfortable doing buttocks? and she said, no I'm fine with it. But I think she was a little leary.
    And OH MY GOD about that guy that massaged her boobs!!! I'd have smacked him so hard he'd still be rolling.
  17. jamhassan00

    jamhassan00 Member

    In this forum many issues to raise of facts whose mostly therapist to give assurance for relief of any pain and this is true to convince the costumer in fact therapy relieve only in your body tissues to come down in rest otherwise etc.........
  18. CTWilliams

    CTWilliams Member

    Hi there, getting massage from good and professional therapist is necessary. As all said if you are really not comfortable or feel something wrong about the massage you had then you should surely go for other massage therapist or the center.
  19. loto

    loto Member

    I regularly went for deep tissue massages when I could still afford it (when I was still able to work). I had an awesome male therapist that always made me feel comfortable about being nude lying on a table in front of him. Of course I was covered with a sheet but I am self conscious about my body. Anyway, he never went between my cheeks but did massage my tailbone and on top of my cheeks. That, BTW was very painful but well worth the pain afterwards because I felt better all over.
    As said before on here, you have to be comfortable with who has their hands on you in order to get relief from the massage. I myself am only comfortable with my male massage therapist whom I have nicknamed "Magic Man with the magic hands"! Needless to say he likes what I call him.
  20. Pepper21

    Pepper21 Member

    I think it's what you feel comfortable with. I was a massage therapist and I never went into anyone's bum crack. I remember receiving a massage once and the bloke tucked my towel into my knickers between my thighs, that felt very unprofessional. Problem with Fibromyalgia is often the Gluteus muscles do need massaging, they can be one of the most painful areas as these help stand you upright, and are using in bending over and leaning forward. If you are uncomfortable with it tell him, or change your therapist. I use a deodorant stick on myself to massage most areas of my body, every night I have a routine of doing this or else I wouldn't be able to function the next day. I start up my legs, spend time on my gluteus muscles, hips, then I rub my scalp with my knuckles, massage my shoulders and neck as far as I'm able, and then put a rice bag, or wheat bag in microwave and lay my jaw on it, then I massage my jaw. Days where I've overdone it, I use my shiatsu massage pillow down my spine softening the intensity by wearing my thick dressing gown, and that's how I function everyday.

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