Question about marriage and sex and more

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Nana2Andromeda, Dec 3, 2002.

  1. Nana2Andromeda

    Nana2Andromeda New Member

    Hi everybody....it's been a while since I been on the site. I have read the message board time to time to make sure all of you are doing okay, but now I have a question and have been wanted to ask you for a while, but kinda didn't know how. My Ph.D. doc said to just come out and ask because we all are in the same boat with this FM and CFS.
    Sex is painful for me and has been since I found out I have FM. My husband thinks it is him and I try to explain the pain I feel during sex and tell him it has nothing to do with him. I love him very much....we will be married 10 years next July, but I see where my FM/chronic pain is causing problems in our marriage. I don't want another failed marriage, but I am losing hope. The night before Thanksgiving I was in so much pain from getting things ready for the dinner for the next day and when we went to bed I cried and told him I couldn't live this way anymore. I needed a hug from him and words like "honey it will be okay", but he just laid there and said don't give up.
    He at times also makes me feel like my illness is a burden because we are down to one income and with my other illnesses, my medication bill every three months runs well over $450.00. Now that 2003 is almost here....our health insurance is going up, including medication and copay's.
    The only news I have gotten from my lawyer about my SDI is it was approved in Aug. BUT, my case was sent to the San Francisco for review because someone wants to make sure that the Fresno office did a good job on my case or maybe made the right choice because it can be over turned and I don't know where to go from here. I was told to write to Bill Thomas here in Ca. I guess he has something do with the Congress or he represents Ca. I am not sure. Anyone from Ca. has any idea? I have been fighting for it for two years now.
    I will stop now and I hope everyone has a nice Christmas. My husband is driving me to Texas so I can spend it with my granddaughter.

    Hugs to all...Donna :) :)

    P.S. Are there any of you who has a child in the Army, etc. who might be getting ready to go to war? I have only one child, a son in the Army and I am having a hard time understanding why they would send him (being a only child)in to fight. He is in the Infantry Division.
  2. Nana2Andromeda

    Nana2Andromeda New Member

    Hi everybody....it's been a while since I been on the site. I have read the message board time to time to make sure all of you are doing okay, but now I have a question and have been wanted to ask you for a while, but kinda didn't know how. My Ph.D. doc said to just come out and ask because we all are in the same boat with this FM and CFS.
    Sex is painful for me and has been since I found out I have FM. My husband thinks it is him and I try to explain the pain I feel during sex and tell him it has nothing to do with him. I love him very much....we will be married 10 years next July, but I see where my FM/chronic pain is causing problems in our marriage. I don't want another failed marriage, but I am losing hope. The night before Thanksgiving I was in so much pain from getting things ready for the dinner for the next day and when we went to bed I cried and told him I couldn't live this way anymore. I needed a hug from him and words like "honey it will be okay", but he just laid there and said don't give up.
    He at times also makes me feel like my illness is a burden because we are down to one income and with my other illnesses, my medication bill every three months runs well over $450.00. Now that 2003 is almost here....our health insurance is going up, including medication and copay's.
    The only news I have gotten from my lawyer about my SDI is it was approved in Aug. BUT, my case was sent to the San Francisco for review because someone wants to make sure that the Fresno office did a good job on my case or maybe made the right choice because it can be over turned and I don't know where to go from here. I was told to write to Bill Thomas here in Ca. I guess he has something do with the Congress or he represents Ca. I am not sure. Anyone from Ca. has any idea? I have been fighting for it for two years now.
    I will stop now and I hope everyone has a nice Christmas. My husband is driving me to Texas so I can spend it with my granddaughter.

    Hugs to all...Donna :) :)

    P.S. Are there any of you who has a child in the Army, etc. who might be getting ready to go to war? I have only one child, a son in the Army and I am having a hard time understanding why they would send him (being a only child)in to fight. He is in the Infantry Division.
  3. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I think you will find a lot of people here with the same problems in the sexual area, I have tried to be considerate of my hubby, we have only just celebrated 1 yr on Dec 1 and we are 41 & 40. He has spent his whole life alone, has never had a routine love life, I don't think even a relationship that was more than a few dates, I feel so bad for him that he is such an incredible guy and spent his whole life being moral and patient, now he has a wife who was somewhat normal at first, I got fibro in May, now I do have a real hard time with sex. He is very understanding and knows it is not him, I don't know what else to tell you other than maybe to try to be inventive, that is what we do, I know it is nice for him but the traditional method is getting harder on me all the time. It is a tough issue, as are most of the issues we face, I just know that you are not alone, it is standard for us accdg to what I have seen. My hubby just went on zoloft a mo or so ago due to a heart problem and it has really lessened his desire, that has been a blessing for me and for him as he rarely wants it anymore, rare to him is maybe 1 a week and I just do my best. I do find that it takes me a few days to feel "over it" as I get sore. Lubrication products do really help me, I know that I do not do that on my own as before. Good luck, I think that this is just something else that we have to figure out.

    Jaci
  4. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    This is a sensitive area...(excuse the pun), but one that seems to be fairly common when a chronic illness is present. Like many other activities, I pay for overdoing it in this department as well; not to mention the fact that I have soft tissue soreness and muscle soreness for days afterward. We have modified our routines over the past few years and lovemaking can be nice again, but I don't think it will ever be "wild and exciting" for me again...I hate to say that, because I adore my husband and I am very attracted to him! My parts are either too sensitive or not sensitive enough, if you know what I mean. However, it gives me pleasure to give him pleasure and now that I am home and not as fatigued, this is not so difficult. This shouldn't be such a problem; I don't think God intended for it to be a problem, but our lives have changed and these illnesses cause all kinds of actions and reactions in our bodies. It's really a shame that a husband and wife can't experience the physical pleasures that God enabled our bodies to have.....
    Kady
  5. surfjuice

    surfjuice Guest

    I found some muscle pain subsided through acupunture but more noticable is when they purposely put the needles in the lower abdomen area it can get things to wake up "down there". To keep "it happening" there's also something called moxa or something like that that is a Chinese "cigarlooking" thing that you heat over the same lower abdomen area that really helps right before sex. (For me it helps much more than the needles.) You'll have to tell your husband, he'll see/smell the smoke. Maybe it can be a "signal" that he might get lucky..! Ask for it from an Acupunture/Chinese Med. doctor, they'll know what you mean. Not sure with you but my Estrogen patch helps lubrication and Testosterone helps also. (My body needs 3 mg. daily to get into low/average range.) Take your calcium/magnesium. Monitor complaining to your husband, they don't always hear things the way we do. Remember that they suffer along with us...even when they don't show it. No one likes to see the one they love in pain.
  6. Kim

    Kim New Member

    I have pain but usually only the next day. We've only been married a year and a half and for the first six months my FM was in remission. Now I want sex and find my husband so attractive but after it's over, especially the next day sometimes I hurt so much. Steve gives me massages before and after and that really helps too. He's so sweet he never complains, only asks what he can do to help. God bless him.


    kim