Question for those overweight with FM

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaymac, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. kaymac

    kaymac New Member

    Does being overweight, obese, chubby, whatever we call it, make you MORE skiddish about getting the scooter chair at stores, or going anywhere with other friends, or feel like others view you "lazy" or "too fat to move"???

    For instance, I really am at the point I cannot walk across the supercenter parking lot, so hubby lets me out at doors IF I go to walmart. I still try to lean on the buggy instead of the scooter, because I'm worried that others will think I am ONLY riding because I'm fat and lazy. I KNOW that is wrong to think that way, but I do. Does anyone else feel this way?

    Also, my coworkers and I were playing this fake personality test where we answered questions for each other, and my other 2 coworkers labeled me "lazy"! Said I was. Yes, I am less apt to rush around and walk slower and don't volunteer for extra work. I turn down things because I choose not to go. They think of me lazy. That hurts my feelings and I feel they do because I'm the fat one. Instead of looking at me as a person with a illness that limits me, they view me as lazy. Don't most of us look at overweight people as lazy, because they can't move? So if we are both, overweight and have FM, all they see is fat and that solves that, that is why she doesn't go out with us, or want to go to the annual conventions and shop and rush downstairs, blah blah blah.

    Then church family and friends, who I love and I'm not putting them down. But none of them understand what I battle. I work because I have too, not because I enjoy it. In the evening I am so exhausted and hurting, I can't move. Wed night church service is the last thing on my mind. Yes, I may sit up and watch tv, I may even get on computer. But pushing myself to refresh my face and dressing, and traveling too and fro and sitting just 1 hour is so difficult for me! Then they see me at work or going to get my lunch the next day and they assume things. I try my best to make Sunday Morning service but I don't make the night one. I know others have made comments and I know they shouldn't, I'm not fussing about that, just that I worry I'm viewed the wrong way.

    I spent the last years of my Mother's life who passed away with COPD in 2005 telling her NOT to worry about what others think of her, that she knows her limitations and that's that, and to focus on what she could physically do and not what she couldn't. Now I'm doing the same things!

    It's hard. Sorry for the length of this. I just wanted feedback from others like me who know they are extremely overweight and struggling with FM, the ability to move about, and still worry about how others view us. One last comment. I watched a home movie with me in it about 10 years ago. I was overweight, but kept up with my 3 kids, kept house, worked, had meals on table, took care of my parents, etc.....I was fat, but I didn't have FM.
  2. landra

    landra New Member

    I can understand your feelings. Jeesh - what boss let them do that "personality test"???
    Probably the boss didn't know I was a boss.... I am now on disability so those issues do not come up for me.

    First question - how long have these people known you? At work, I would tell them that they did not know you when you were able to be more active and it is not fair to call you lazy because of your health issues. I might do it by an email to the 2 of them; no one can over-hear and they won't interrupt with "but..."

    In my job, I was criticized for being sick a lot (I have CFS.) never directly by the big boss - he just sent others to discuss it with me. My supervisors understood (or at least seemed to). Nontheless, I sent notes to my supervisors with all I was doing to not get sick so much. I kept copies for myself in case I ever needed them.

    Re: church - if there is someone who has known you a long time, perhaps that person can talk to the people who "notice" you don't go to church on Wed. night. Or try saying to them "I pray you never hurt as much as I do."

    Re: the motorized carts - I use them! At the grocery store, it actually gets people to talking to me! At the meat counter, for instance, the butcher may not see me and other people will get them for me. At WalMart, I have not had any problems, but I don't get the friendly conversations.

    Other ways I have been conspicuous - I have done my shopping with a painter's mask on my face. At PetSmart, kids looked and I explained I have an immune deficiency and the mask (and gloves) help me not catch things from other people. Their parents thank me for it!

    In the past various people have told me "you just need to walk more to lose weight." I am getting PT now for sciatica, and have found I have arthritis all over. I've told the people who count about that; now I get more "take it easy, here's a chair, how are you doing?" So being honest and open has helped change attitudes around me.

    Hope you find ways to feel more comfortable!
  3. sgood242

    sgood242 New Member

    I'm still obese, although 2 years ago I was 100lbs heavier, and two years before that had lost 100lbs. Now I'm just a tad obese.

    5 years ago I started using the go carts. I noticed some people were afraid to look at me. I now make it a point to look everybody in the eye and smile. I was not going to be shamed into not helping myself.

    Even now, my parents don't understand my pain. My mom actually told me that I was a little bit of a hypoconronic ( spelling)
    She said I spent too much time studying about my ailments. I now know she can't cope hearing about it. So I stopped sharing with her.

    I still overdue so as to not offend anyone. It's just so exausting to have to explain! Don't you sick of questions? Especially when you're not given time to formulate an answer.

  4. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I feel like all eyes are on me when I am sitting in that cart...but at this point I don't care what they are thinking. I just hope I don't run into mean kids, or mean adults who say insulting things just loud enough for you to hear. That hasn't happened to me but I am afraid it will.

    sgood242...when you are diagnosed with a disorder who wouldn't want to learn about it, learn about treatments, medication, etc.

    I hate the weight, but between the bad eating habits because I sometimes don't have the energy to cook and the medications.

    What is a person to do?
  5. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    and may i say a collective "aaarrrrrrrgggggh!!!!"

    i understand.

    and nink- your comment was hilarious, and yet so sad.

    use that electric cart if it helps you. if anyone says anything bad to you- just run em over! (jiust kiddin- sort of)

  6. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I spent my life avoiding things because of what people might think. Finally figured out these people mean nothing and I'll never see them again so bug off! Take care of you use the cart.

    Maybe print off a letter from here(i like Thief of lives)and give to the idiots you work with and people at church that need to do some bible reading.

    Remember you are an awsome person with an illness