Question to moms

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by spmom, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. spmom

    spmom New Member

    I have a question for moms who were moms before they developed fibro. Through addressing some endocrine issues, I finally feel like I am winning the fight against fatigue, but I am still finding that I get tired at times during the day. I'm wondering if this is fibro tired or tired related to being 40, taking care of two young children, working part-time and basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do everything. I developed fibro right after the birth of my first child, so I don't know what it is like to be a mom without fibro. My question is, how tired do regular moms get? And, if you developed fibro while being a mom, how did fatigue change? I certainly know bad fibro fatigue, but I wonder if I'm expecting too much of my energy back.
    Thanks much,
  2. Fralligator

    Fralligator New Member

    I am a single mom with a 13 year old daughter with special needs. She has Cerebral Palsy plus Autism, a vision impairment a seizure disorder and a condition called Stevens-Johnson Syndrome (which makes it so she can not take antibiotics without a risk of a horrible painful reaction that can lead to blisters equal to 3rd degree burns and bleeding ulcers in all her mucus membranes plus it has a 20% mortality rate mainly due to secondary infections from the blisters). This means that she can not & does not go to school or day care. I take care of her 24/7 and I have FMS. When I left my abusive husband a couple of years ago, I had to come up with a creative way to earn a living while keeping my very special child with me. My solution was to become an on-site apartment manager. I manage over 100 units and work 60 to 80 exhausting hours a week while taking care of my little angel. Sometimes I feel like such a failure and that I am a terrible mother. I have days where I am so tired, I fall asleep at my desk, on the toilet, standing at the sink doing dishes... you name it, I have done it.

    As my daughter has gotten bigger and I have gotten sorer it has become harder and harder to give her daily baths. Try lifting a 100+ pounds of long stiff flesh that is soaking wet and soapy in and out of the bath tub. Giving her a bath knocks me out for hours and lately I have been lucky if I can give her a bath twice a week. What makes it even harder is trying to expain to a sweet innocent child with the mental capacity of a 3 year old that you just can't give her a bath yet again today. She requires 100% care. She can not do anything for herself. Sometimes just changing her diaper has my muscles aching and me dripping with sweat. However given all that, I am very thankful to her because she is the reason I get out of bed each morning. If I did not have to care for her, I might just give up.

    So I guess I am saying that no matter how old you are, how tired you are, how bad your FMS gets - your children will always give you a reason to get out of bed each day and I can promise you, they will give you a reason to smile, even when you feel like crying.
  3. marti_zavala

    marti_zavala Member

    I wish I knew where you lived, I would bring you dinner and a massage therapist, and a house cleaner.

    You are mom of the year. Is there any way to get help? Surely there are some programs for you to get some help.

    It is amazing what we do as moms (and dads too). We just do it then later we think, wow, how did I live through those days.

    God bless you and your daughter in every special way.

    I couldn't do what you are doing either. Really.

    I was not really well before I had my son but I got really sick when he was 9 with ME/CFS.

    I defintely had to pace myself so that I could keep working. I no longer had energy to go do fun stuff. It was all I could do to keep my job.

    The body does change at 40 but some people stay very active.

    Try to pick your priorities so you don't kill yourself or get a relapse or get sicker. It is possible (not to frighten you but I wish someone had warned me).

  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Being a Mom of young children is not just tiring, it's exhausting! Add on taking care of the home, working part time and all of life's other 'duties' and well there isn't enough time in the day. (how many times have we heard that?!)

    I remember something that I thought was strange. My husband had always helped out a lot with the kids - very hands on. He also helped with the housework, dishes etc. (I know, I'm SO lucky). When he would be gone - like for a week or something, I got into an incredible routine that was so helpful and I found I was actually less tired than normal. Routine and structure helped greatly- not only for me, but for the kids as well.
    Thankfully I never had "wild" kids. They were happy doing simple things and actually very well behaved. It would be much more difficult if there were not.

    I don't know how young your kids are, but it's never too early to get them into a routine - one that works around some rest or downtime for Mom. If they don't still nap, you can have afternoon quiet time, pop in a movie while you rest on the couch.

    Regular Moms do get tired - Fibro Moms get really tired.

    Of course, some women have more energy than others and can just go go go... I've never been one of those. =(