Questions about FMS....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by webwalker00, Jan 11, 2003.

  1. webwalker00

    webwalker00 New Member


    I have some questions about FMS for you guys. I recently met this wonderful girl, we just connected and are just about ready to commit to eachother. She just told me she had FMS. I have been doing some research on this and found some good info but have more questions. Is FMS fatal? What are the chances of having a normal and healthly relationship with someone who has FMS? I don't mean to be ignorant or rude...I just don't know and I am worried I am getting in over my head here.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    To begin with, I think you should include her to share your research you have started doing. FMS is not fatal. And all normal and healthly relationships at some point in time have their ups and downs. And lose that feeling about " I just don't know and I am worried I am getting in over my head " How could you even say that. If you love this girl then you will go the distance and help her through any tough times that may come up. Don't give her anything else to bring her down. SHE IS STILL A WONDERFUL GIRL, EVEN WITH FMS. This is my own personal opinion and I do hope you took it as of some help.
  3. webwalker00

    webwalker00 New Member

    For the advice. I am new to this. I don't know if I love this girl yet and I just want to be sure I am not setting us BOTH up for a fall in the future. I will always be friends with her and support her as much as I can, I just need to know if we should pursue more then "just friends".

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    Sometimes I get my husband to read some of these post. I am blessed with having a caring husband. Anyway, he said that my post to you seems a little rude. I do value his opinions. We are great at sharing and caring about one another. So if I seemed somewhat rude I am sorry, I did not mean to be rude. But please listen to me, even if you two are friends, friends share, friends care. Listen to your heart and you will do the right thing. Do not ever let FMS stand in your way of possibly missing out on something so wonderful as a loving, caring relationship. Hope you both have a great weekend. Sincerely.
  5. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    There are no guarantees in any relationship, that in a day or two in the future ones mate may not come down with a chronic, terminal, or debilitating disease.
    Although FMS is not fatal, there are lifestyle changes one should make in order to ease symptoms, and deflect flare ups.
    One must also remember there are varying degrees of severity when it comes to symptoms. The symptoms may also wax and wane, in some.
    My advice to you would be---you state in your post that she is a "wonderful girl". Take the time necessary to explore your relationship together, without rushing in. You can see for yourself how this disorder affects your girlfriend's life, and your relationship. Continue to research Fibro. None of us here--know the severity of your girlfriends symptoms, nor your ability to empathsize, and support her. You two, are the only ones who truly can answer this.
    I have been married for 26 years, and have faced many trials in life with my spouse. This is just another trial, that we both face, together.
  6. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hello webwalker00~~You will never know unless you try. And, you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering 'if she was the one' and you didn't even try.

    FM isn't fatal, isn't contagious, and people can have varying degrees of it. If the two of you have been running around, doing things, and having fun together--that should give you an indication of where she is with it. And, she was straight-up with you about the risk of losing you. I admire her honestly and courage. Two powerful qualities anyone would want in another person.

    How honest are you being with her? You certainly must be a bit more than just "interested" in this girl, or you wouldn't be going to all the trouble to do research, find this Board, and ask questions. I admire you for that. You got moxy!

    I don't know how old you are~~but never miss an opportunity for love, to love, and be loved in return. It is a Glorious experience of this Adventure we call Life.

    I am 53 and have had FMS since I was 14. I had boyfriends, mates, enjoyed good days, lived through the bad days. I have been in my present relationship for six years, continue to work part time, and we enjoy life. There are days I don't feel well and just rest--but on those days, he goes out and stocks up on some good munchies, and we snuggle up on the futon bed and watch movies together.

    He and I had met many, many years ago, but when I told him about my FM--it scared him. We were both in our 20's, and he was afraid he would be stuck with an invalid. And so he took off without giving us a chance.

    But when you love someone--really, truly love someone--you see the beauty in the person, not the illness.

    I am assuming from the tone of your post that you are only considering "going together" at this point and not talking marriage. The only way you are going to know if this is the right girl for you is to jump in with both feet and see what happens. Don't be afraid of her FM. She is not her illness. She is a wonderful girl who doesn't feel good from time to time. The question is--can you handle that?

    You already sound committed to me....or you wouldn't be going to all this trouble to find out about FM. Only you can make the choice~~but I would encourage you to go for it. How else will you know if she is/was the love of your life?

    Twenty eight years ago, my man let me go rather than take a chance on me. He let his fear rule his heart and married another woman who did not have FM; they had two wonderful children--but he realized he had made the mistake of a lifetime. And so when his children were grown some 20 years later--he divorced his wife, spent two years looking for me, and now in our 50's he says he'll never make that same mistake again. That he loves me just the way I am--through sickness and health, and we share a good life together. We don't have a perfect, fairy tale relationship, but I don't think either of us would have it any other way.

    Go for it! Best Wishes to you and feel free to ask all the questions you want. We'll do our best to help. Carol....
  7. webwalker00

    webwalker00 New Member

    For all of the wonderful advice. I am definately going to take things one day at a time and see how things go. Your absolutely right, if we love each other, we will work through this and I will do all I can to help her. We are at the point of just commiting and not marriage. Thanks for all the helpful advice!!
  8. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Well, the best solution for both of you is honesty, when I met my husband of 30 years, I was not well. I told him exactly, to my knowledge at the time, what he was getting himself into.

    He accepted me as I was, along with three young children. I gave up my business, and he has supported me ever since. BUT everyone is different.

    There is no way anyone could tell you what you two should or should not do. You know your own heart, and you should know how much you are willing to give of yourself , emotionally as well as financially.

    I can't say life was easy for any of us, but we did make it.

    Having to care for children is a very difficult job with FM also.

    This is about all I can tell you, the bottom line is what is your real feelings concerning this girl? She will need a whole lot of support, and most of us that do work wish we could stay home!

    Good luck,

    Shalom, Shirl