questions for other moms of young children......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Scoobsmom, Oct 28, 2002.

  1. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    Been a very tough week for me, I have had the "flu" and have been completely homebound. My son attends a private school, and as we were getting ready today to leave, he made a comment about how tired and how sick I always am. I wonder if there are other moms of young children who can give me a hint of how I can explain this to him. He stated he thinks I need to get back to work. He does not understand, and I am so at a loss for words. I have been avoiding the comments made by "friends" but guess I would not have my own child question my disease. My husband called from work and I completely fell apart. He stated that he understands and he believes me, but boy this is a lonely thing that I am facing. No outside support other than here, and the other day I felt as though maybe I had said something wrong by saying I had the flu. The encouragement did not come. BARB
  2. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    Been a very tough week for me, I have had the "flu" and have been completely homebound. My son attends a private school, and as we were getting ready today to leave, he made a comment about how tired and how sick I always am. I wonder if there are other moms of young children who can give me a hint of how I can explain this to him. He stated he thinks I need to get back to work. He does not understand, and I am so at a loss for words. I have been avoiding the comments made by "friends" but guess I would not have my own child question my disease. My husband called from work and I completely fell apart. He stated that he understands and he believes me, but boy this is a lonely thing that I am facing. No outside support other than here, and the other day I felt as though maybe I had said something wrong by saying I had the flu. The encouragement did not come. BARB
  3. nova

    nova New Member

    I have a 4 yo daughter. It was hard at forst b/c I didn't want her to know. But eventually I explained as best I could that mommy had a sickness that gets better and worse and mommy cant do the things she udes to. She now has to tell everyone that mommy has "fibromygia" but it gives her some understanding, I try to be there and do things the best I can. We have picnic's on the living room floor b/c I can't tolerate the sun very well, and other things like that. I just try to adapt activities to how bad I feel. Some days she makes me suprise pictures or as I lay in my recliner with the heat on my back I'll get her to point out all of the things in the room that start with "p". We make up games to fit my life now. But I'll still drag myself to tee-ball or soccar. I just make adjustments. One useful thing my husband came up with for games and bleachers which were heck on me before, was he converted a large highbacked boat seat into a stadium seat (he mounted brackets on the bottom) so I cna sit and cheer with the other parents. I think the biggest thing for us is adapting my needs to what she wants to do and vice versa.
  4. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    I am a mom of four, and homeschooling--two of them, a 12 and a 15 year old. I have four grandchildren, also, that range in age from 2 to 6 years. The teens in the bunch, have a need for more technical information. The want to know the particulars of my FM/CFS. All of the kids, just want the assurance, that I will always be there for them. For my little ones--- my lap will always be comfy to curl up in with a good story book. For the older--talk time, with lots of uninterupted communication, where they are the center of my attention, we usually do projects together, at this time.
    Funny thing is....is that they are usually the perceptive ones, and say, okay Mom....we will finish this tommorrow, so you don't overdo. My grandbabies know, that grandma doesn't feel good some days. They are so eager to please and help---it gives them such a sense of satifaction that they can be caregivers, too.
    It is attention that the kids really want. It can be accomplished through activities that don't require stamina, and physical tasks.
    I think when kids ask questions about this--they aren't so much asking for a description of the disease. Instead they want to know--how it is going to affect them. With that in mind--I always assure them, that I will be here for them, and that they are my heroes for helping me, when I don't feel good somedays.
    Karen
  5. dd

    dd New Member

    I have three sons, 14, 10 and 9. One of my sons was playing a computer game the other day where they could choose the characters and give them personalities. He chose a Mom for the character and when he was choosing the personality he said he was going to make her "tired like you Mom". I was taken a little aback by that but what he did next made a world of difference. When choosing the rest of the personality he chose, silly, funny, compassionate, caring and loving. I asked him why he chose those traits and he said because "that is the way you are Mom". Of course I cried because that made me feel so good. I didn't let him see me crying, I went to the bedroom and let it out. I felt so good about what he thought about me because I have been asked by all three why am I so tired all the time. Why can't we go here or go there like "everyone else" is a constant question around here. I have tried to explain to them the best that I can that Mommy tries to do the best she can but sometimes I require more rest than other Moms. I try to make the best out of the situation that I have been dealt. I have spent a lot more time with them just reading books or renting silly movies and cuddling on the couch. These are things that I would not have time for when I was working. Those are precious times to me and to them. I wouldn't trade those times for the world. There are times they get bored being at home so I try to make arrangements for them to go to a friends house for a stay-over or to have their friends come over to our home. I rent them movies and make pop-corn and they have fun. I also try make arrangements to take them to the movies when I can. I don't drive that much anymore so I ask friends with kids if they can drive and we make a day out of it. I have told them that this is not something that I am going to die from. I have been asked that a few times. I just reassure them that I may be sick but I am going to be here for them.

    I know it's hard when they ask questions like that. It cuts down deep right to our very souls. Just give him hugs and reassure him that you are there for him.

    Take Care,

    Debbie
  6. *Isla*

    *Isla* New Member

    I just wanted to tell you all that. Raising kids is so hard for anyone but to do it with this illness is incredible. I admire my parents for the way they deal with my illness. No doubt it was hard on them when I got sick (I mean it must break a parent's heart to see they're 15 year old daughter in that much pain) but they were there for me every step of the way and still are. So though your kids may not realize it yet or might just not say it, they do or will one see how amazing you are. And in the meantime, on their behalf, you have incredible strength and I admire you.
    God bless and keep smilin'!!
    *Sonia*
  7. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    My kiddles are nearly 5, 3, 18 months & one on the way.
    I have over the last year or so been in such a bad flare that I avoid going outside at all costs :(
    I am extremely photosensitive & I also get extremely diorientated & dizzy when I am outside in sunlight, (feel like I am in a dream or semi-consious.) I also have a lot of trouble breathing & walking a short distance wipes me out.
    This makes things very difficult with three little ones.
    On Tuesdays I dread getting up early & having to drive the eldest one to kindy. Then in the afternoon I have to pick her up.
    I avoid talking to other parents, as my eyes can't 'track' things properly & I end up with a wicked headache :(
    Thursdays are worse because the eldest one goes to Kindy & the middle one goes to Occasional Care. I drop them both off at 8.45 & pick up the middle child at 11.30, then I have to go back for the eldest one at 3.00
    Ir doesn't sound like much, but just getting out the car to take them in & pick them up takes SOOOOOO much out of me :(
    They are lucky enough that their Daddy takes them out to the park & beach lots, so they don't miss out on that sort of stuff :)
    Parenting is deffinately a challenge with a disability, but I puff up with pride whenever someone tells me what wonderful & well behaved little girls I have. Or when they comment on how happy & bright Imogen is.
    So I know I'm not doing too bad a job :)

    Lease
  8. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    Thank you for your input ladies!!! My husband and I discussed with my little guy last night about how mommy is being challenged right now with this illness, but that I love him and am so thankful to be able to be his mommy and to be home with him and not have to miss any time with him because of a job. He did seem to understand, and said he was sorry for hurting my feelings. He said that I am the best mommy he has ever had... (didn't correct him, but I am pretty sure I am the only mommy he has ever had..smile..smile.) They are all a gift!!!! Thank you again.. Hugs to all..BARB
  9. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I truly believe that we have the opportunity here to raise children who will go into adulthood being more caring, sensitive and compassionate than average. Especially boys-- I think our boys can grow up to be nurturing, patient and respectful, men who will really listen to what women think and feel. Learning to be empathetic as a child, because of living with a parent with an illness, CAN create a beautiful adult--we just need to be patient, too, and realize how hard this is for them to understand, especially young ones. Sounds like your young man is already on the way, and that he loves you as a Mom very much!!

    Hope you feel better, Barb, you have a wonderful family!

    Hugs,
    Pam