Questions regarding life with FM....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by VenusFire, Feb 10, 2003.

  1. VenusFire

    VenusFire New Member

    I am 19 and have had FM for 5 years now. I was just diagnosed in July of 2002. What do you do when your SO of 3 years gets mad about you missing work due to FM pain? I haven't been able to go to work for the past 3 weeks week one, I was able to go for 2 out of 5 days, but was in too much pain for the other 3. Week 2 I was in the hospital because of my depression over FM and not being able to find anything that works. Week 3 I was recovering from the therapy and trying to gain my sanity back.

    I am seeing my doctor every week, I don't have any health insurance, my meds are costing $350+ a month plus the $356+ a month for the appointments. On week 3 when I went for my weekly check-up, my doc and I agreed that I wasn't ready to go back to work yet, due to my mental state and the memory lapses that got worse with the new meds. My SO got so mad that he was yelling and screaming and breaking things just because I wasn't going back to work for another week. How do you deal with the stress of FM+depression+no support from your SO? It's had me in tears for the last week and a half.

    Later when I was able to talk to him, I explained that I wasn't ready to go back to work, he says that if I had just told him that, he would have been fine with it. Right, my doc says I'm not ready and he blows up, I say I'm not ready and he's ok? Something about that doesn't seem right. Anyway, I was so ready to get back to work today, but @ my weekly check up, I found out that I have some virus that's been going around (lightheadedness, hot & cold sweats, vertigo, nausea, etc) and I got some meds which were half doses. Doc says that if one pill doesn't take effect, to take the next one, but that he didn't want me to be too groggy. I take one, go to the gym and sit while my SO works out and wait for the meds to work. 30 mins later, nothing. I take the second one and decided to call work to let my boss know what was going on. She said that if I was sick, not to come in because I would put the rest of the office at risk. Guess what happened......SO blew up again.

    My question is: how do you get your SO to see that things happen, people get sick, FM makes it worse, and yelling and screaming doesn't do any good?
  2. danisue22

    danisue22 New Member

    So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad and on top of all that you need to deal with SO.Really think you need to do just what Doc says. .It seem so hard for So's to understand.Gosh it so very hard for us to understand ,let alone someone thats well.I do think that your SO needs to be kinder and more thoughtful of how you are doing right now.I'm glad your boss was understanding.I wish there were something I could say or do that would make things better .Just remember that we are here to lend an ear and that we understand.Maybe in the long term you'll need to apply for some help to pay for your meds.I do hope things get better soon. Here is a BIG HUG FOR YOU . Hang in there. ..Danisue
    [This Message was Edited on 02/10/2003]
  3. nitalynn

    nitalynn New Member

    Do not tolerate violence. He needs to work on his self control. This disease is permanent. If he cannot deal with it it could be time to reevaluate the relationship before it becomes permanent
  4. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    I do not know what an "SO" is unless it is your superior officer and if that is so, you've pledged to suck up and do your best.

    It can be amazing what we can do with all these syndromes et al. It is true we SHOULD and if we are severe enough, rest...no question.

    Anyway, I hope you figure this out.....decisions can be difficult at bet as we hope to always return to our former selves. CactusLil'
  5. aprilhuque

    aprilhuque New Member

    I recently posted about trouble with my hubby. I am recently diagnosed with FMS, MPS, etc. and have been really arguing lately. One of the more experienced members of this board offered some wonderful advice: to take my SO with me to a support group. I know that this seems hard: no energy and here I am telling you to yet garner energy that you don't have to go to a group. But, it may literally change your life, and hopefully his.

    However, I am also a pre-licensed psychotherapist and I also need to caution you about his "breaking things." This IS violence, and IS dangerous for both your sanity and your health. I am also concerned about the nature of your arguments, especially if he is belittling and criticizing you. Please know that you have friends here, and that we are here to support and help you. Let us, ok?

    No matter what, YOU matter. You are vital, and you are here for a reason. Take care of yourself first, this is your charge--at all costs.

    Love
    April
  6. nje

    nje New Member

    IF YOUR SO IS MAKING THAT KIND OF SCENE AND YOU SO SICK,HE IS A REAL JERK. I`MSORRY HONEY BUT I`M 52 YEARS OLD, MY FIRST HUSBAND SOUNDS A LOT LIKE YOUR SO- I ASSUME THAT MEANS,SIGNIFICANT OTHER, OR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND,NO MATTER, YOU GOT MORE DECISIONS TO MAKE THAN YOU KNOW. TRUST ME ,HONEY,YOU ARE ONLY 19 YEARS OLD,ITS WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE STUCK WITH A DISEASE LIKE FIBROMYALGIA, BUT ALSO WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE COMMITED TO A SO LIKE YOURS,TAKE IT FROM 1 WHO KNOWS,IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE LIVING WITH SOMEONE THAT INSENSITIVE TO YOUR PAIN. BUT I HAVE GOT 2 SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE; I THINK BOTH IS NEEDED IN YOUR CASE; HAVE YOUR SO,GO WITH YOU TO YOUR DOCTOR 1 DAY, MAKE UP AN EXCUSE IF YOU HAVE TO,JUST GET HIM THERE,AND LET THE DOCTOR TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING ,THAT ITS REAL,ITS NOT GOING AWAY, I DID THAT WITH MY HUSBAND,AND HE REALLY UNDERSTOOD GOOD AFTER MY DOCTOR TOLD HIM EVERYTHING. NO. 2 RUN, DON`T WALK,AND APPLY FOR DISABILITY, YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH WRONG WITH YOU TO GET IT. I GOT IT AND I `M PRETTY BAD, BUT YOU SOUND WORSE OFF THAN ME. FIRST TIME YOU APPLY GO TO YOUR LOCAL SS DEPARTMENT, FILL OUT A LOAD OF PAPERS,ITS A LITTLE TIME CONSUMING THAT TIME,BUT REALLY NOT THAT BAD,JUST A LOT OF PAPER WORK; THEN YOU`LL HAVE TO WAIT MAYBE A MONTH OR MORE TO HEAR FROM THEM,NORMALLY EVERYBODY GETS TURNED DOWN THE FIRST TIME THEY APPLY,BUT THEN AFTER YOU GET YOUR TURN-DOWN NOTICE,GET A HIGHLY RECOMMMENDED LAWYER,1 THAT SPECIALIZES IN DISABILITY, LIKE I DID, THEY DON`T CHARGE YOU NOTHING,IF THEY DON`T WIN,SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AND EVERYTHING TO GAIN ; I KNOW YOU ARE ONLY 19 WITH PROBABLY NOT MUCH OF A WORKING BACKGROUND,BUT I KNOW YOU CAN GET SOME ASSITANCE SOMEWHERE. I DON`T KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE,BUT I LIVE IN SOUTH CAROLINA, I`M SURE YOU HAVE A SOCIAL SERVICES DEPARTMENT; CALL OR JUST GO TO THEM AND THEY CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOUR OPTIONS ARE. FOR 1 THING YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE BEEN ON MEDICAID,THAT PAYS FOR DOCTORS,HOSPITALS AND MEDICINE, GIRL GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR SELF SOME HELP,ITS OUT THERE,RIGHT NOW IN YOUR SHAPE. YOU GET A STATEMENT FROM YOUR DOCTORS,HOWEVER MANY YOU GOT,AND A FINANCIAL STATEMENT,OF WHAT YOU HAVE OR HAVE NOT MADE FOR HOWEVER LONG THEY TELL YOU IT HAS TO BE FOR.DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY,FAMILY,FRIENDS SOMEONE THAT CAN TAKE YOU AND HELP YOU GET ASSISTANCE, FOODSTAMPS, MEDICAID, RENT, ITS ALSO IF YOU`RE MARRIED OR MAYBE YOU`RE JUST LIVING WITH YOUR SO. THAT WILL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE, IF HE`S YOUR HUSBAND, HOW MUCH DOES HE MAKE PER WEEK? IF YOU NEED ANY MORE ANSWERS HON,I`D BE GLAD TO HELP IN ANY WAY I CAN, JUST E-MAIL ME AT ; BABYDOLLS20000@AOL.COM THATS 2 WITH 5 O`S. YOU`RE SO YOUNG TO HAVE ALL THIS ON YOU.I WILL ALSO PRAY FOR YOU. NJE YOU CAN CALL ME JEAN.
  7. VenusFire

    VenusFire New Member

    SO means "Significant Other" (i.e. Boy/Girlfriend, Husband/Wife, etc). Thank you everyone for your support. I've been kinda lost lately and was looking for some sound advice from people who can understand and empathize with my situation. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{to all of the unfortunates who deal with the pain of FMS everyday)))))))))))))))


    -Rachel
  8. talldi

    talldi New Member

    You are 19 yrs old. You are not feeling well. Why in the world do you owe him an explanation for your missing work? It says something that your supervisor cares more about you than the person who "loves" you. More than likely you will be losing your job soon. And Mr. Wonderful is upset you aren't working? I hope your finances are seperate.
    You will have a long life and many many more men. I should hope that someday you will find a sweet and caring man, The one you have now reminds me of my first husband. The guy you will have someday will be like my love now I hope. Always supportive and loving even when he feels I am making a bad decision.
    You can not change another human being. He is what he is now. Realize that you shouldn't have to change him, and don't waste your life waiting for him to change. If you have to say to yourself "If I do this he will fee/act/be more/be less etc " than you need to tell him where the door is. No one is responsible for someone elses emotions or behavior. The next step is for him to strike you instead of your belongings. Rage leads to violence.

    Good Luck
    [This Message was Edited on 02/15/2003]