Rafiki, RE: Mindfulness Meditation

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by aintasgoodasIoncewas, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. Hello there friend, & wise one, :)

    I don't have much time right now, as I am truly praying (and honest-to-God-) not just leaving it up to God, but, for a long time now, I've tried to tell myself, to "change the tapes I play in my head" (Dr Phil- I've gained quite a bit from him- moreso in his earlier seasons,) anyhow- with *my mind willing* it, and also prayer to God for strength & health- I'm hoping for hubby & I to attend church in about 3 hrs, and I've yet to get my bath taken, (LOL- brain is wound! and just can't quit reading!)..

    Anyhow, if you've ever watched him (dr. Phil), read his book(s), etc.. Well, maybe I can explain later, regarding his talk about how we all have 'tapes' that we tend (our minds tend, anyhow, i know i sure don't know where the pause, stop, erase buttons are, so, I couldn't have pushed "play" LOL) these tapes, formed from childhood on, that, tend to get 'stuck' playing over & over in our heads... and through his books, tapes, etc (i've never completed one, lol, but my mom just gave me his 'self matters' book on CD) But, his main point being, here we are, way way down the 'road' some people even have grown children, etc.. but, some of the problems they have, can be because that same old worn out tape..... is still playing..

    For me, that is terribly true, and I've 'wanted' to work on changing that tape...

    NOW though, lol... through Mindfulness Meditation- how great would it BE, to not *change* that tape- but *possibly* (don't want to get ahead of myself, lol)... but, to possibly, erase... or at least, put that tape on PAUSE!??

    Purpose of this post, was to just acknowledge, that I just now (7AM sunday) found your post/article on this, and to tell you, I VERY MUCH appreciate that, I plan to re-read it when I have more time, & better brain function.... and, to also share it with my sister, who is my only sibling, 21 months older,

    She's recently diagnosed with fibro, and has suffered from bi-polar II disorder her whole life, (not dx'd 'formally' until almost mid-20's, though), and now, after 3 horrible relationships, (2 of them about 3 years long, each, and both horribly- unspeakably violent, in every way possible, emotionally, phys, and.... sexually... :-(

    She IS in therapy, she has been for about 4-5 years consistantly, and been on tons of medications, but, sadly, is not better, and unfortunately REFUSES to see, or can't see, that she isn't..

    Anyhow, the GOOD thing, though, is that she *wants* help, and does try her best to seek it. The two of us, though, have *always* been interested in psychology in general, as well as religion, etc

    So, she will, at the very least, enjoy the read... I hope to USE it, of course... so, anyhow, wanted to let you know I've seen it now,

    and plan to hang on to that post, and to say tyvm.

    Have a good day, :)

  2. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I won't be writing too much this morning ~ still trying to absorb and understand the loss of Grammy27.

    But, I did want to make a quick first reply to this.

    First, I want to say that I'm not very wise at all, really. I've just been many different kinds of deeply unwise in my life and had to find a way out of it and people who could teach me the path.

    Second, I want to say that you are so bubbly! You effervesce! I know that you don't always enjoy effervescing but please know it is delightful and you make me smile when I read your posts.

    I also know that sometimes you must wear your poor self out and that it's helpful to be able to effervesce when we want to and slow things down and feel calm when that is what we want. Not everyone can effervesce the way you do, though, it's a gift and it's delightful but it takes a huge amount of energy.

    Dr. Phil's tape analogy is drawn from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is very sound. CBT is now often paired with DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) and they make a potent due. DBT was inspired by mindfulness therapy.

    I'm not surprised that we replay, again and again, that which we accepted about ourselves, often from our parents lips, when we were children. Children see their parents as omnipotent - my mother told me she could see through walls and I totally believed her. Children have no way of knowing that what their parents say to them about who they are and what life is all about is often not true. Children cannot know that their parents are mere mortals and, to make everything even more complicated, they are mortals who view us, and our existence, through their own issues and hang-ups - so do our teachers and clergy and elder siblings... for a small child, the world is full of people who seem to know more about us than we do ourselves and who feel little reluctance to tell us just what they think.

    So, we grow up with that definition of who we are and what kind of life we can expect, faulty and irrelevant though it may be, and the ideas that are really potent are the ones that frighten us the most. Does this make sense? When someone says we are good or there is no monster under the bed, we go "whew" and move quickly along without really storing that very carefully. When someone says we are bad (naughty, noisy, unhappy, greedy, careless, silly, stupid...) or that life is frightening, always unfair, too hard, scary... whatever, we feel hurt and frightened and we store that away in our emotional drawer of things we fear might be true and when we feel most vulnerable we take it out and play it over and over again until we feel absolutely dreadful.

    This is very human, don't you think. We all do it. And, because we did not question the source (omnipotent parent/teacher...) at the time, we see these things as frightening facts and do not question them now either.

    These beliefs and fears become the "tapes" that we play alone, in secret where they become bigger and bigger and more and more scary.

    The practice of Minfulness helps us to learn to not attach to those old thoughts when they arise in our minds. And, of course, the more practice we have in thinking a thing, the more we think it! (We are funny dear things!) When we practice mindfulness we get better and better at seeing those thought for what they are - just old, scary, outmoded thoughts that have nothing to do with reality or with right now. They only seem to have the power to make us feel bad because we convince ourselves, thinking it over and over again, that they are powerful. They are just thoughts.

    Mindfulness allows us to become aware of the fact that we are not our thoughts. Not only are we not defined by them but we are not the thought. The thought generator (brain) will keep generating thoughts in a very mindless way and it's going to spew the thoughts we have practiced the most - the easiest ones to find and repeat. It's all just silly habit but we can convince ourselves of all kinds of nonsense because of this silly habit.

    Once we see these frightening thoughts as being groundless and empty we can calm down - calming down is wonderful, such a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful experience - and respond to life instead of reacting to it. This change was HUGE for me, HUGE! I really needed to learn this, BIG TIME!

    Did I say I wasn't going to say much?! Did you say the other day that you ramble? I could teach you a thing or two about rambling, couldn't I? Ok, I'm going to give you a break now.

    Peace out,
  3. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member


    I completely neglected to say that your sister might find CBT and DBT very helpful with her diagnoses. That's why I launched into all that. I have a tendency to leave out the point sometimes!

    Silly me!
  4. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    It is so sad, isn't it. And, to find that Grammy was in her 40s and that she once was Dancing Fingers whom I remember. One cannot know what tomorrow may bring. The only thing for it is to really be present and not miss a moment of this if we can help it, don't you agree.

    You are always so kind to me! I do appreciate it! I often feel that I have probably just created more confusion but you seem to get it and that is so reassuring.

    And, I have a lot to be humble about, believe me.

    I find your journey incredibly interesting. You seem an intrepid existential explorer which I think is just marvelous!

    Thank you again for your kind reassurance,
    with gratitude,
  5. PainPainGoAway

    PainPainGoAway New Member

    I hadn't read this yet...very interesting. I say guilty because I can remember telling my three year old son that if he didn't behave I would'nt let him turn four (he'd stay three)...and he believed me. Of course, I didn't let him think that for more than a minute after I saw the worried look on his face... and then it took years for them to figure out how, if I'm resting in bed can I see what they're doing...I told them I could see everything, like stealing food or feeding their food to the rabbit. In that case, it was true...I had stratigically placed mirrors so that I could see from the bed or couch (not easy raising kids on bed rest a lot of the time)...I even used the reflection in the stove. I'm not sure when they figured it out, but I was outed and even then, I had no idea they believed me...I meant no harm, really!

    Some humor on such a sad day...I just had to mention that. I'm going to go bake some cupcakes now, as my kids will be home tonight...maybe they'll forgive me.

    Mindfulness is interesting. I see a lot of parallels in what I already believe and attempt to follow but it's just so hard! Good to know!

    [This Message was Edited on 02/22/2009]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/22/2009]
  6. PainPainGoAway

    PainPainGoAway New Member

    I still have them up, and one I can tell from my room what they're watching on tv and they forget every time. Yes, we have our ways! Of course, they're still smarter than me most of the time...
  7. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Which feels so good!

    Lucky wee kidlets ~ on top of having a great mom, they get cupcakes!

    Re Mindfulness: I think they call it "practice" because that's what one does -- practice, practice, practice. Thank goodness it's not called: Always Getting it Right, huh?

    Here's to new and better mistakes!

  8. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Maybe you're using your Spidey Senses and intuiting what I want to say while I just go rambling on!


    ETA I'm such a neurot! I'm sitting here wondering if it's ok to say someone has "spidey senses". I'm worrying that you could think I might be saying you resemble a spider and not that you're probably psychic!

    Oym! Practice, practice, practice


    [This Message was Edited on 02/22/2009]
  9. PainPainGoAway

    PainPainGoAway New Member

    Rainbow, now I'm laughing even harder...I can say I think she really made up the word intuiting (or got it off some court tv show) :)...but you didn't know about spidey senses...I guess I had no choice, having a boy. But you do have "google".

    Hey, I really did make the cupcakes...and I'm sure half will be gone within minutes of them getting home (soon).

    I love spiders too (the ones in Ohio, not California)...and spider man, lol!

    you're riots...Laura, what do you think???
  10. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    We have turned her serious thread into stress relieving silly string. It seems I'm all about the pop culture references today although, intuit is a real word - verb case of intuition - cool word, huh.

    As to "spidey sense" May reveal more about my history than I had intended.


    Well now, it sure is a good thing we have a Spirituality board so that we have a place to discuss the lofty stuff!

    So sorry Laura! Really hope you need some lightness today!

    Peace out my little Charlottes,
  11. PainPainGoAway

    PainPainGoAway New Member

    Oay, looked at #1...could be us all and that's why we're so sick...but what about #3...that must be very urban...hmmm

    Radiant (my favorite childhood book, how'd you know??)

    Laura. We hope you like to laugh, I think we all needed it today...thank you!

    Ha ha, girl, I get it...slow over here...you revealed...[This Message was Edited on 02/22/2009]
  12. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Doritos anyone?? lol...came looking for some mindfulness notes and found a new definition for spidey senses!!