Raising Children while dealing with FM

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by abcanada, Oct 13, 2006.

  1. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    I'd like some ideas from some of you courageous mothers who have been where I am right now. I have four young children and have been in alot of pain over the last few years. All tests to date have been normal, and docs are leaning towards FM as my diagnosis. It all started with the last pregnancy. It's been pretty hectic bringing a new baby home to a mother who is incapable of doing everything for them. Baby is now 14 months and I'm in the worst shape ever. Every day over the last year and a half has been a struggle in regards to pain. I need some ideas on how to provide them with the neccesities of life and getting the rest I need. I don't want them to grow up resenting me for molding thier lives by the condition that molds mine.
  2. kbak

    kbak Member

    God Bless you women!
    You have a tough job there! My daughter has EBV and has 6 kids. She no. 1 tries to get a nap everyday. Well that doesn't happen, but she tries to get off her feet when she can.

    She rotates natural antivirals and takes good supplements everyday. Just the stress of a large family makes it hard to get really better. She aims at just not getting really sick.

    Unfortunetly if you have FM your kids will be affected by it just because you cannot kill yourself trying to do everything with and for them. It's a very, very tough job. I wish you well!

    kbak

  3. janieb

    janieb New Member

    It is tough. When I was first diagnosed with FM, I had a 2 year old granddaughter and my mother with alzheimers living with us. Fortunately, I had great daycare at home for both of them while I was working.

    Maybe the best thing I can tell you is that my granddaughter just turned 18, and she is the most caring, loving person you could ever find. I know there were times when she wanted to do something and I just couldn't keep going, but she made it through and is wonderful.

    Your children will grow up to be wonderful adults, too. What children need the most is love.


    Blessings,

    janieb
  4. jjoys

    jjoys New Member

    I feel your pain, girl! I have six kids. Youngest is 6. I was into my 2nd yr. of CFS when I had him. Fortunately, the next older was in 1st grade when youngest was born, so I could just lie in bed with him and stick a bottle in his mouth when he needed it. Kept a supply of diapers and wipes beside my bed. My other kids helped out a lot, which I think was really good for them. We all love the youngest and are so glad he's here.

    It's hard to say anything in a nutshell that will help you. I had to learn to let my house be dusty and sometimes just a mess. Get as many people, family, friends, family to help as possible. Have others do your grocery shopping, errands, etc. as much as possible. You take care of you and the baby. Have your other kids help as much as they are able. You said they're young so maybe they won't be able to do a lot, but every little bit helps.

    I also had to ignore some of my nutritional preferences for my kids. Being in survival mode makes you allow things you wouldn't have before. After my youngest learned to walk, he could often be seen walking around the house with a box of cereal or bag of cheetos. Wheat thins became a favorite, which seemed better than the other choices. We ate a lot of McDonald's, KFC, etc. And Kraft Mac n cheese, Easy Mac.

    Gotta go. God be with you. You'll need His grace and love. :) {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

    Janita
  5. suz45

    suz45 New Member

    I can appreciate your frustration, I have two girls ages 11 and turning 14 in January, I was dx. in 2000 when my youngest girl was 5. It can be terribly difficul, sometimes I'm not sure how I've made it this far.

    The girls are pretty good, somehow that mother bear instinct in me kicks in, always has...especially when they are struggling...I somehow forget the pain and fatigue and do what I need to do...Usually it catches up later, but afterall they only grow up once.

    Most the time now they understand, like last weekend when they wanted to go camping for the long weekend, I just wasn't up for it. They were pretty good about it.

    Do you have any friends that might have them over say for playtime to let you get rest, I know I have never had family nearby, how about you. Anyone in your family...

    Try to explain as simply as possible to the older ones the situation, I remember telling my girls that on some days I would'nt be able to do some things with them, howver I also did puch myself to do some of their activities which did distract me from thinking about the pain..

    I think many of us can relate, also remember your doing your best..

    Suz45
  6. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I make the meals the absolute simplest I can. I have even given frozen peas to my toddler daughter. I have things they can pull out of the fridge or the cupboards that can be eaten right away. Make meals a minimal struggle, it helps alot. Combine with a good multi vitamin.

    I have laid on the floor when I had bad crashes, and the kids will bring what they like and sit and play next to me. I have taught them independent play, and also that boredom is part of life (it is!). It's good for kids to learn to handle this too, they learn to cope better with life's adversities as grown ups.

    Do special things once in a while, and a park visit for the younger a couple of times a week. I can do it if I don't do it everyday. If I try to do things every day I will just be a horrible rag, and that is not pleasant for the children to see either. they rather have me in somewhat good shape a couple of days a week.

    Give older children more to do, chores for example, it will build character and help you out. Most of all, mom's love is all that matters! I just need to lend a listening ear for my son to make him feel special, and a hug here and there. Without all those things the fanciest meal wouldn't do a thing for him.

    My mom never had much time for me,and I was fine with that. What I missed was her telling me she loved me a little more. Whewn it all comes down to it, that's all I needed! That's all your kids need too.

    Is there any family members that can do a weekly outing with the children? 2-3 hours will give them some fun, and you some adult time.

    many hugs!
    [This Message was Edited on 10/13/2006]
  7. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    A big Thank you for all your ideas. I already do alot of that, but it has made me feel much better knowing I'm not the only one with a messy house who lies in bed any chance I get. I've come to know this as 'Survival'. I'm interested in this sleep thing FM ers suffer from. I get lots of sleep, and nap every day still feeling tired. I don't wake through the night, and always feel as if I had a sound sleep. I always leave a snack out for kids in the morning, so they wait to wake me. There are times though that I just feel absolutely pathetic!
  8. marsupialmama

    marsupialmama New Member

    and my kids have just had to learn that I don't make promises because I don't want to break them. They know I get tired and have a lot of pain.

    Having said that, I have promised and bought tickets for a big event they want to go to (Royal Winter Agricultural Fair in Toronto) but they know I am planning to do one thing, then go get a snack or lunch, then do something else, then another sit down, got to space out the walking around and the rests. We'll be sitting for a couple of hourse for the horse show too.

    Didn't bother telling them about playing Tylenol By Numbers LOL.

    I'm wondering if googling "parenting with a disability" or some such would yield useful info. We may not be officially "disabled" but we have limitations and there must be some common ground. I have friends with disabilities who have children, and their kids just grow up knowing what Mom can and cannot do. In some ways I think our kids will do likewise, they will know what our limits are.

    It's tough when they are very small and egocentric but as they get older they become more understanding. BTDT. Two winters ago I was in so much pain (arthritis + cold weather) that I really thought I might end up in a wheelchair or something. My teenage son had to come shopping with me every week because I couldn't push the cart...