Since so many of us were discussing this post and how it made us feel, I thought I would post an update.... I think what is bothering me the most is the volume of reaction to this family's tragic situation....compared to the reaction toward other cancer families in our town....i feel almost embarrassed and keep thinking about all the people who don't have a fraction of this type of support....and I have moved on....mostly, to be honest-probably not completely- from feeling frustrated over the lack of understanding and support towards me and people like me....with invisible, yet devastating illnesses. The latest crazy thing is there is another fundraiser being planned.....a biggie....and people in town are PAYING $5 to put a sign in their yard advertising the fundraiser!!! like a political sign! paying to have the opportunity to put a sign in their yard...... If I am left with a bad taste in my mouth over this, can you imagine how another cancer sufferer must feel, to live in the same town and not have anyone outside of their family give a hoot....??? One thing that digs at me, personally is that after her medical treatments, she and hubby hurry off to catch a ball game....and take photos of her with a bandage with a team logo on it...and she is smiling and having a good time....I don't feel good enough to go to the grocery store. I just lay here day after day....Have I just given up? Am I just a weak person? Or can you truly have stage 4 cancer and still feel good enough to go do things that are just for fun? Remember how Patrick Swayze had that vicious pancreatic cancer and still went to work, shooting his tv show...i forget the name of it...something like The Beast or ??? now that doesn't even sound right....anyways, how bad is the pain of cancer? Is it possible that if you are looking at the very near end of your life, you cqan drag yourself out of bed and do things for fun? To try to live life to the fullest. Would I be motivated to try to do more if I was dying soon? Would I notice the burning, screaming pain in my body less, if I knew my days were numbered? Is it better to have cancer and have 2 years with some pain or 30 years of constant pain,loneliness and no end in sight? This is where I remind myself that "I would rather be here, with my kids, watching them grow up than not here at all. At least I can watch them go through life."